To ask the school to put my daughter in a different class

[Ginnyrellas]

Ever since starting back in September my daughter (8) has come out of school in tears at least 3 times a week due to her teacher shouting at the other disruptive children in the class, so much so the teacher had actually lost her voice on occasion. Yesterday was yet another prime example. Her teacher let her come to me at the door and she emerged in a right state, because the teacher will be getting the deputy head in tomorrow to have a stern word with the children about their behaviour and my daughter has probably never been shouted at in her life at home. To say she is a very well behaved and well mannered little girl would be the best way to describe her and her teachers also have nothing but praise for her and stated " she sets an example for everyone else in the class" at her parents evening.

I have got to say also that previous to September she was in a different class to what she is in now. The school decided that half of one class and half of the other class would merge so the more disruptive children would have better peers and hopefully have a better chance at learning something, Due to this my daughter has now been separated from her friends that are now in the opposite class and clearly had a good influence on her as she never had this issue before the class switch.

Would I be reasonable to request that the school changes her class room. can I even do that?

You can request it, but IME they are unlikely to say yes. The problem is that once a child is allowed to swap it sets a precedent and lots of parents start requesting it for all sorts of reasons.

No harm trying though. At least it will open a conversation about how upset your DD is.

You can ask but I really doubt that they can do anything about it now maybe try and get them to agree to move her back with her friends in September instead,.
You should highlight your dds issues and ask what they intend to do to resolve them for the rest of the school year

Why would it be fair for another child to be swapped into that class? If it isn't good enough for your child why would you expect another child to suck it up instead?

Of course you can request it AND put pressure on them to do it by Monday. This is ridiculous. They are failing multiple children and not handling the situation well, don't let your daughter suffer

@namechanger2019.

I never actually saw it in that way and you're completely correct, I don't just expect another child to suck it up instead and I'm also not a mother than thinks her child is above anyone else. That being said, She is the only one that comes out of the class room crying and it breaks my heart every single time I go to collect her.
Perhaps you can suggest something to me that would solve it in a better way?

This happened at my school. Same example, mix them up so that they can learn from their peers. My daughter ended up with a girl who tormented the life out of her at private nursery. So much so, that the nursery kept them in separate rooms. My daughter was heartbroken to be back in a classroom with this child. I have been asking for the last 3 years for her to swap, but unless another child from the other class wants to swap, there's nothing they can do. And who can blame them? They're all settled now. You'd be uprooting another child to suit yours. All you can do is wait to see if another child leaves from the other class, and hope their isn't a waiting list to fill it like I am.

I would take your concerns to the head. Unfortunately my son was in a similar situation and it didn't resolve untill he started high school where they are much tougher on disruptive behaviour.

I don't actually know how any of this works as ive never had an issue like this previously. I will be going in and making my feelings on this very clear to the teacher as its really not fair on ALL of the well behaved children in her class.
Could I send a request should a child leave the opposite class for her to be moved or would that be unreasonable?

If my daughter was coming out of school three times a week in tears I’d stop sending her. Fuck em.

You don’t ask for her to swap places with another child. You speak to the Head to ensure that proper plans are in place for behaviour management and the teacher is supported/coached to be able to deal with this class effectively.

I had a very similar situation with my son last year. He too is mild mannered, polite, gets on with stuff. His teacher was ‘shouty’. Whilst my son rarely got upset(although when he did he sobbed) he seriously disengaged. He went from loving school to disliking it almost overnight.

I made an appointment to speak to the head. She took my concerns seriously- I find it hard to believe she didn’t know there was an issue but it did seem to improve. It’s a large cohort and one with several quite challenging children but she acknowledged that they shouldn’t make the eduction of other suffer.

I would definitely speak up, I regret not doing so sooner

I would go in and discuss tne issue and keep it about your child. You carnt ask for another child to be moved, that is unreasonable and something they wouldnt do unless it was in the other child's best interests.

I had to move my child to a different school because they wouldn’t move her class.

Okay well I can see that the class moving thing is probably an unreasonable request to make, and I can see why also. Should I give speaking to the teacher another go? This isn't the first time that Ive had to talk to her about this but she just seems to shrug it off as if its fine because my Daughter will still be there ready to learn tomorrow and doesn't cause her any hassle. Or shall I make an appointment to see the head straight away and bypass the teacher.
Sorry about the questions ive never had to do anything like this before.

I would take your concerns to the head, A teacher shouldn't be shouting to the extent she loses her voice. Even with disruptive children it is not necessary to shout, if you are yelling such that well behaved shildren are frightened then you have totally lost control. Sounds as if the teacher could do with some support, it can't be much fun for her either.

It may be that other parents have also brought this to the heads attention. I worked in one school where a new teacher that started was very shouty and a lot of the children (yr 6's and a well behaved class) were finding it distressing. Enough people had separately had words with the head and she had a chat with the teacher and the situation was sorted - the teacher calmed it down and learnt ways of using your voice for control without shouting.

I don't think they will let your DD swap classes (schools tend to be fairly inflexible on this for various reasons) but certainly you can ask and the fact that you have asked will at least draw the heads's attention to the fact that your DD is finding it hard - if they won't move her, ask how they suggest the problem is solved, and what they propose to do about it. (and don't accept 'suck it up' that's not a reasonable response for a child that needs support.)

If the teacher has to get the deputy in to read the riot act there is no hope and the teacher has lost control.

The class does sound like a nightmare and could do with someone with excellent class management skills in there however.

You need to talk to the HT about what they will do. Otherwise, in all seriousness, is there another school you could move her to?

I agree with KurriKurri, the teacher needs some help and support if she is losing it so unprofessionally, and I don't think it's unreasonable to bring it to the schools attention that this is causing your child distress.

It sounds dire - I agree if the teacher is having to get the deputy head in, they've lost control (now it could be that this class is really exceptionally difficult). Your DD only has one shot at school - I'd be going in and asking what they were going to suggest to support your DD.

I've asked for my daughter to be moved before, went over like a cup of cold sick - go in with the problem, let them come up with a solution

@Nanny0gg Moving her schools would be the last thing I would want to do, because of where we live and my lack of transport so that really isn't an option available to me at the moment unfortunately.

I Appreciate this probably isn't easy on her teacher also, She didn't ask for half a class of unruly children. I Don't understand why they can't just address those being disruptive privately rather than potentially upsetting children that have done absolutely nothing wrong. perhaps I could forward this as a suggestion.

Please don’t suggest that.

I don't think you should speak to the teacher. As others have said she has lost control of the class.

I would make an appointment with the head and explain that the lack of control, and shouting to try to regain it is incredibly upsetting to your DD and that she is coming out of school crying every day.

Ask them to come up with a solution to fix this.

The disruptive kids could well be kids who have additional needs that aren't being met - going in with the problem and specifically talking about what's happening with your DD is the right thing to do.

If you've got no school move options, the other thing I'd do is get some books on resilience and dealing with bad feelings, I know it's no fun and you'd rather the teacher was coping but dealing with losing friends, new social dynamics and also perhaps adults not coping perfectly is all part of life.

Spend more time with your DD talking about her management of these feelings - you may not be able to fix this, and even if it gets better eventually it won't happen overnight but she can process her feelings better. Explain that she should stop feeling so bad as she knows she hasn't done anything wrong etc.

If your DD is getting upset at school then I think it's appropriate to arrange a meeting with her teacher to discuss what best can be done about it. What have you tried so far at home? Does she understand that she isn't in trouble herself? It does sound a bit like the teacher is struggling with the class if she's constantly shouting and having the headmaster come talk to them - those strategies don't often work with a chronically challenging class. Ideally the teacher would get more support in handling the class - no one likes to work in an atmosphere where someone is constantly shouting and DD would also get support in learning to cope with more disruptive class members.

@peanutbuttermarmite

Yes, that sounds like a great idea in regards to the books. I do genuinely feel like she does have difficulty processing her feelings sometimes. Although she does make them very apparent to me, maybe she just doesn't know why she's feeling this way. Its something that I will 100% be looking into now. Thank you all for your replies. DD is at her friends house for a play date while I'm working today and tomorrow she attends an after school club so I haven't really got any chance in confronting this until at least Friday, which is when half term starts here. I should probably make an appointment to see the Head at the first opportunity when they return .

Not helpful, but how can primary aged children be so out of control? She’s Y3? I thought it was secondary school when challenging behaviours (enough to cause significant disruption to a class) kicked in?

I’d be surprised if such a large number of 8 year old children would be this out of control. The fact the teacher is shouting until she loses her voice makes me wonder whether her management strategies are the issue and the kids have picked up on this and are taking the living piss.