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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To ask the school to put my daughter in a different class

82 replies

Ginnyrellas · 12/02/2020 14:48

Ever since starting back in September my daughter (8) has come out of school in tears at least 3 times a week due to her teacher shouting at the other disruptive children in the class, so much so the teacher had actually lost her voice on occasion. Yesterday was yet another prime example. Her teacher let her come to me at the door and she emerged in a right state, because the teacher will be getting the deputy head in tomorrow to have a stern word with the children about their behaviour and my daughter has probably never been shouted at in her life at home. To say she is a very well behaved and well mannered little girl would be the best way to describe her and her teachers also have nothing but praise for her and stated " she sets an example for everyone else in the class" at her parents evening.

I have got to say also that previous to September she was in a different class to what she is in now. The school decided that half of one class and half of the other class would merge so the more disruptive children would have better peers and hopefully have a better chance at learning something, Due to this my daughter has now been separated from her friends that are now in the opposite class and clearly had a good influence on her as she never had this issue before the class switch.

Would I be reasonable to request that the school changes her class room. can I even do that?

OP posts:

Awkward1 · 12/02/2020 18:53

I think it is harsh to blame the parents. Children are environment and genes.
Some conditions result in defiant behaviour. And if experienced teachers cant manage it it's not surprising parents with 1-3 dc mainly are uncertain what to do.

Also hardly surprising that the ones who hate shouting are then well behaved.
I dont think limit testing is linited to teenagers.
But i do think some kids enjoy seeing you losing control so shouting is unhelpful. (Whilst the dc is infuriating)

I actually have 0 detentions in school.

ChicCroissant · 12/02/2020 19:01

My DD (still!) hates being shouted at so I don't blame your DD, OP.

I have once asked for my DD to be moved from the table she was working on (in the end they moved the other person) as she was frequently placed next to other children who didn't work well. I always found it bloody annoying myself tbh, and had to speak to the teacher a few times when she was getting upset at having to deal with the distractions. It seems to be a common policy but so annoying for the parents of the quiet and studious child!

billy1966 · 12/02/2020 19:07

OP, how very upsetting for your DD and yourself.

In this position I would make an urgent appointment to see both teacher and Head and bring someone with you.

I would be explaining to them that you have gone from having a happy, contented child who enjoyed school to a seriously distressed child whom is crying 3 times at least a week because of the changes that they have implemented.

I would be asking them what strategies they are going to employ to amend the situation.

Obviously you are trying to prevent a school refusal situation occuring.

If you are met with obfuscation, you will need to escalate within the school, BOM, Governors and involving your GP and other school supports.

Hopefully they will try and accommodate your request to move her.

I have very little patience with quiet, amenable children becoming collateral damage in situations such as these.

The challenging children continue on their merry way and the others have their school experience destroyed.

Put it right back on the school to solve.

Wishing you and your DD well💐

BrokenWing · 12/02/2020 19:17

I would start with the teacher and tell her what is happening and see what she says she can do. If she isn't receptive or nothing changes quickly then ask to speak to HT.

Original poster

Ginnyrellas · 13/02/2020 09:22

Thank you all for your responses!
This morning it was tears before school today. The I don’t want to go and miss Is going to shout at me. So I took the opportunity to speak to her this morning and give her a cuddle. I told her as a PP suggested to either do her times tables in her head or sing her favourite song so she is distracted by it, and then another worrying revelation came out. She told me that she struggles with maths and asks miss for help but most of the time she’s with the naughty boys and girls making sure they are working and not being silly, so when her teacher says no she can’t help her. My DD gets frustrated and upset and again starts crying, and I quote “ miss shouts at me for being silly and says I can do it, but I really can’t mummy”

I’m absolutely appalled at what I’ve heard from her this morning. When did my outgoing bright little girl turn into such a ball of anxiety and emotion.

OP posts:

Stayawayfromitsmouth · 13/02/2020 09:30

Well that is completely unacceptable. Forget the teacher you need to go to the head.
Poor thing.

YasssKween · 13/02/2020 09:35

Oh your latest post is so sad 😔

Poor little thing. Time for a trip to the headteacher, that's unacceptable and I have every sympathy for the class teacher as she's in an almost impossible situation but it is the schools responsibility to support her and to prioritise the learning of every pupil in the class.

While we all know resources are overstretches and underfunded, it is absolutely not your responsibility to put up and shut up while watching your little girl become anxious and distressed, you are perfectly within your rights to flag this and ask for a plan of action to tackle the issue.

Really hope you manage to get somewhere talking to the headteacher.

DontFundHate · 13/02/2020 09:37

Saying it again. Go to the head. She must be moved classes by after the holidays. This has gone on long enough.

Original poster

Ginnyrellas · 13/02/2020 09:41

It’s absolutely breaking my heart to see her like this. She is always so happy at home and was very happy at school before this academic year started. She normally goes to her dads at the weekend so we’ve all arranged for her to stay with me and my husband to have a special sleep over with her cousin to relieve some stress. I don’t have the opportunity to speak to the head until Friday as she’s at after school club tonight and attends breakfast club in the mornings. But I am going to make it a priority to get this sorted out as soon as they are back from half term. I’m not having it.

OP posts:

YasssKween · 13/02/2020 09:45

Good for you OP, you sound like a lovely mum and she sounds like such a sweet girl.

I adored school and was always excited about learning, which unfortunately meant that for much of primary school I was sat next to "naughty" boys to "be a good influence". At the time because of my personality and need for teacher approval I took this seriously and was almost flattered I think!

Now I look back it was so unfair, it caused a lot of stress for me and wasn't my responsibility - don't get me started on how we were subliminally taught from that age (5 onwards) that females are always responsible for the behaviour of males around them. Grr.

olympicsrock · 13/02/2020 09:52

I think you should speak to the head and ask for her to be moved. You must put your own child first.

twoshedsjackson · 13/02/2020 10:25

It begins to sound as if some of the disruptive ones need 1:1 TA attention/support, and your young child has this job, unpaid, foisted on her! I suspect that the teacher and head are both aware of the situation, and hoping for the fuss to die down. If there is talk of not setting precedents, that is management's concern and not yours.

Wolfiefan · 13/02/2020 12:47

Why don’t you call and try and speak to the Head or make an appointment?

Original poster

Ginnyrellas · 13/02/2020 13:33

@wolfiefan
That’s exactly what I will be doing. I’m not speaking to her on the phone because, I want to gauge her reaction and I want her to see mine and take this as seriously as I hope she would. Speaking on the phone seems to casual so i will be booking a meeting with the head teacher where also her father and my husband will also attend.

OP posts:

Bluerussian · 13/02/2020 13:47

Good for you, Ginny. You're absolutely right.

I accept that some kids are an absolute pain and disruptive but no teacher should be shouting so loudly every day that it puts the fear of God into other children.

Wolfiefan · 13/02/2020 13:52

Too casual? You’re taking it seriously? Just not seriously enough to actually speak to the Head before the holidays?

Original poster

Ginnyrellas · 13/02/2020 14:36

@wolfiefan.
I’m sorry if I seem to of offended you but the fact of the matter is I cannot see the head until tomorrow due to my DD attending breakfast club in a morning and me having to be at work for 9am. I simply cannot just not go to work. And my DD attending after school clubs also.
I’m not sure why you’re implying I’m not taking this seriously enough. To speak to her face to face is my plan of action and I am
Dealing with this.

OP posts:

Wolfiefan · 13/02/2020 14:41

You’re not actually. You are refusing to speak to her until after the holidays. I can’t understand why you can’t make a phone call.

Original poster

Ginnyrellas · 13/02/2020 14:43

Why don’t you call and try and speak to the Head or make an appointment?

So I’ve said that I’m going to speak to the head and make an appointment but just because I’m not going to ring her, I’m not dealing with it?

OP posts:

Original poster

Ginnyrellas · 13/02/2020 14:49

Regardless. I appreciate your input @Wolfiefan however i won’t be commenting further on this thread as it was originally to see if I could get my DD class changed, and I have got some very good advice so thank
You.

OP posts:

converseandjeans · 13/02/2020 15:38

I would arrange a meeting with HT and be very firm.
I say this as a teacher - parents who make a fuss and refuse to back down usually end up with what they want.
It's up to the HT to support the teacher. So make it clear it's a school problem rather than the teacher. The poor teacher is probably stressed out too.

peanutbuttermarmite · 13/02/2020 17:21

Good luck @Ginnyrellas your poor dd - familiar story, good kids being ignored and feeling blamed due to children with additional needs not being properly supported - hope HT is useful and your dd has a great half term.

Original poster

Ginnyrellas · 20/02/2020 07:40

A little update- me and Hubby spoke to DDs teacher on Friday when collecting her from school and asked if we could have an appointment with her and the head when she returns next week. Her teacher knew exactly why we wanted to speak to her before we got a word in edge ways and even said she was going to move DDs place in her class. (She sits right next to where the teacher is) So that’s a positive note for now.

OP posts:

Liverbird77 · 20/02/2020 07:52

This is your child, your priority.
Personally, I couldn't care less about what is fair to the other children. My concern is my own child.
I would be asking for a meeting with the head. Log incidents, so you have evidence that there has been sustained disruption to your child's learning.
If all else fails, you could threaten a call to Ofsted, especially if you think the classroom is an unsafe environment. They'll want to avoid that at all costs

Heismyopendoor · 20/02/2020 08:02

Are you happy with that? I’d still be talking to the head.

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