AIBU - what is a day?!!!!

[Standinguptononsense]

So some of you may remember my delightful ex DH...the dad who stopped paying for his school lunches....

Well hes at it again albeit something different

We have a child arrangement order in place. Its sets out term time days/hours and school holidays (stated as half term/Easter/summer/Christmas) it obviously doesnt state days as these will change year on year. It doesnt state what happens on bank holidays and teacher training days. Previously we have just used the term time coverage for this.

He is now saying that a day starts at 3pm snf runs to 3pm the following day!!! His logic is that the court order has handover times in line with school.

So for example the bank holiday at the beginning of may should work that he hands the boys over to me at 3pm on the friday as it's my weekend. He is saying the bank holiday for that Friday starts at 3pm ans runs to 3pm on the Saturday (of my weekend)!!!

He says this makes perfect sense...so my AIBU is that does a day start at 3pm!!!!!

Anyone?!

Let me get this straight. His day is the Friday bank holiday? And he wants to have the DC from 3pm on that Friday, to 3pm the following day? He's being a prick if that's the case.

Who would usually have them Friday night? Surely it should just be that?

Why would he hand the boys over to you at 3pm. Surely you would just pick them up from school. 3pm on Saturday is mad as it won’t allow you or the DC to do anything with the day!

The 8th may is a bank holiday but a friday (theyve moved it). In a normal routine I would collect them from school this day and then have them for the weekend...

He's being ridiculous. Just tell him that doesn't work for you. Parenting is 24/7 and is done around work, school and a whole host of other commitments.

Tell him the times of the pick ups and drop offs that reasonably work for you.

What happens if you just suck it up? Will it then balance itself out when it’s his turn?

I have. He just repeats himself. It's getting beyond boring now as there is always something. Hes very black ans white so if the order says handovers at 3 during school thata what he does all the time, theres no flexibility at all

No it wont as his days are always fridays ans monday till 3 so he already gets these days - hes asking for most of my saturday as well!!

Does he have them from the Thursday?

So they are with him on the Thu night and he wants to drop them to you at 3pm on the Friday , which would be your normal pickup time for them from school?

Where does 3pm on the Saturday come into it?

He has them 3pm thurdfay (after school) and is responsible until 3pm frisay. This weekend they should come to me after school. He is saying the bank holiday starts at 3pm on the friday and runs until 3pm on the Saturday. I can understand the confusion as its bat shit crazy!

He sounds like he's just playing games and being difficult for the sake of it.

But be grateful he's helping you plan school holidays etc in advance, my ex is refusing to let me know if he can help next week and he plays games the other way round - so he tries to see his kids as little as possible

'Day' starts at the time a 'day' starts (if he's being pedantic about it!). So the 'school day' starts at 8.45am and 'ends' at 3.15 (well mine does!).

My 'work day' starts at 7am and ends at 6.30pm.

He's being a twat and trying, probably not for the first time, to control you!

Take back control. His timings are unreasonable. Go grey rock on this and don't allow his manipulation to continue anymore. It stops...today.

So are you saying he should have them for a couple of extra hours before they come back to you? I'm not sure I understand. If that's the case it's hardly worth arguing over a couple of hours and your kids will feel like shit if they get wind.

We have my DSS 6 nights a fortnight, always the same schedule despite school holidays and bank holidays (alternating special occasions). The rule of thumb we use on days that would usually be school days is that whoever wakes up with him provides his care for the day, with the other parent being available from school pick up time. If whoever has him is taking him out for the day and wont be back in time for then it isnt an issue, but logically if you would normally have them from that time on that day, that's when you should be available to have them.

He's obviously an absolute arsehole who's trying to make things as difficult as possible. The only advice I'd give is to try not to feed the troll as it were, although that's not really easy when it affects your life.

Clearly a day isn't 3 until 3 and he knows that.

Ah I see.
But the court order is silent on public holidays? So it is irrelevant. Back at normal time (3pm) on the Friday.

Saturday is not a bank holiday, if he has them on your Saturday without your agreement he is in breech of contract.

Ah sorry OP I think I misunderstood. But my comments still stand - if you would usually have them from 3pm on the Friday then you should have them then! He's being an arsehole.

Yeah I'm ignoring him on it now and yes he has history of this. Hence why hes an ex. I've emailed the court for some clarification but my view is resort to order.

So he's saying that contact on his days only starts at 3pm in those days, is that it?

Surely using his logic it's 3pm the day before - so the person who sees the DC at the weekend picks them up at 3pm Friday, even though their days are Saturday and Sunday.
So if he's seeing them on Friday, he picks them up at 3pm on Thursday?

What's best for the DC and what would they prefer?

Castle - they would be the logical approach. The dcs are 8 and 7 so I try not to get them involved in things like this. They wouldnt however understand why after 5 years they are being dropped at 3pm on a Saturday.

I don't understand what you're saying.
He is supposed to have them on Friday because it's a bank holiday but he wants them until 3pm on Saturday because he says that's part of the bank holiday?

Super - yup pretty much......