AIBU - what is a day?!!!!

[Standinguptononsense]

So some of you may remember my delightful ex DH...the dad who stopped paying for his school lunches....

Well hes at it again albeit something different

We have a child arrangement order in place. Its sets out term time days/hours and school holidays (stated as half term/Easter/summer/Christmas) it obviously doesnt state days as these will change year on year. It doesnt state what happens on bank holidays and teacher training days. Previously we have just used the term time coverage for this.

He is now saying that a day starts at 3pm snf runs to 3pm the following day!!! His logic is that the court order has handover times in line with school.

So for example the bank holiday at the beginning of may should work that he hands the boys over to me at 3pm on the friday as it's my weekend. He is saying the bank holiday for that Friday starts at 3pm ans runs to 3pm on the Saturday (of my weekend)!!!

He says this makes perfect sense...so my AIBU is that does a day start at 3pm!!!!!

But you said 'as per the court order' he's to have them on the BH Friday,?

Until 3pm. When I would normally collect them from school.

If you read the other posts the bank holiday the end of aug he is saying 9am minday until 9am Tuesday.

Neither make any sense

But what l mean is if the court order just says he's to have them on BH Friday with no time specified then his logic is possibly that if he hands them over at 3pm that day then why specify he can have them BH Friday when handing them over at 3pm is what would happen without the BH iyswim.

The order makes no reference to bank holidays

I'm so frustrated for you - how can he think he'll get away with rewriting the way that time works?! Then, on top of that, he's not even being consistent about applying his new theory of time! It's so true that you can't argue with stupid...

Hes consistently inconsistent. He simply does not put the boys first. He is taking time away from me to spite me not because he wants it. Typically on a bh Monday in previous years they have been returned to me at 3pm. This is no different.

If he can do what he wants what the point in having an order!!!

So normally I would collect the boys from school on the friday. Because it's a bh he has them (as per the court order) until 3pm on that friday.
This is why l thought he was having them Friday because it's a BH. In which case l could see his logic that he's not getting any extra for BH Friday by returning them at normal time.

Hes getting them from wake up to 3pm. Which I'm not getting.

He is taking time away from me to spite me not because he wants it

It sounds trite, but try not to let it spite you. They're his DCs too so him wanting to spend time with them will automatically mean they're apart from you, which will hurt, but as long as he knows that, he'll keep doing it.

If he thought that it didn't matter whether he had them from 3pm or from 11am then he'd stop faffing about with it (and most likely find some other way to annoy you!) But you can't change him - only the way you react to him.

I know....its just hard. You never really escape an abusive relationship do you.

I know....its just hard. You never really escape an abusive relationship do you.

No absolutely, but what I've learned is that you can only change your own behaviour, not his. I've been let down and disappointed expecting regular human behaviour from my ex!

And every time I have to remind myself that I'm not with him anymore, he's not my responsibility and the relationship he has with the DCs is solely his concern. They're teens now, so able to manage their own relationship with him, which makes life a lot easier!

Yes, mine.are only 7 and 8 so a while to.go!!!

Your frustration and exhaustion is clear in your posts OP, and I would probably have snapped a long time ago!! I know it's hard but try not to focus on those few hours in the day that he's getting extra. Plan something nice with your dp and stepkid(s) for the Friday night, have a lazy Saturday morning, brew in bed etc. Try to see the positives, as the happier you are, the less happy he will be about his games.

Yeah I agree. It's just so hard.