AIBU - what is a day?!!!!

[Standinguptononsense]

So some of you may remember my delightful ex DH...the dad who stopped paying for his school lunches....

Well hes at it again albeit something different

We have a child arrangement order in place. Its sets out term time days/hours and school holidays (stated as half term/Easter/summer/Christmas) it obviously doesnt state days as these will change year on year. It doesnt state what happens on bank holidays and teacher training days. Previously we have just used the term time coverage for this.

He is now saying that a day starts at 3pm snf runs to 3pm the following day!!! His logic is that the court order has handover times in line with school.

So for example the bank holiday at the beginning of may should work that he hands the boys over to me at 3pm on the friday as it's my weekend. He is saying the bank holiday for that Friday starts at 3pm ans runs to 3pm on the Saturday (of my weekend)!!!

He says this makes perfect sense...so my AIBU is that does a day start at 3pm!!!!!

It doesnt refer, just sets out handover times that are done in line with school pick ups.

Why does it matter so much to you OP?
If drop off/pick up can be anytime during a handover day, then what about 3pm on Saturday makes it unacceptable?

I feel like any time your Ex proposed you’d reject because you are in a mode of proving to yourself that he cannot control you. But at some point it gets into these nonsense fights about when a day starts or ends. And then you find the two of you disagreeing to disagree on every little thing.

Have you counter proposed a time that would work better for you? I could not tell if you had.

This makes no sense. He wants every other contact day to run from 9:00-9:00 but the bank holiday Friday to run from 3:00- sat 3:00!

So I’m guessing if it wasn’t a bank holiday he would collect the DC from school at 3pm? But it’s bank holiday which means they’re off school so he can have them all day so 9:00am- 9:00am Saturday- right? Why won’t he collect them at 9:00am on the Friday? Is he working? In which case he needs to arrange childcare as it’s his contact day as stipulated in the CAO.

Crazy. I get the crazy issue of being told that midweek in half term is my day - the Wednesday - and he will see the DCs on Thursday-Sunday. Then he wants to collect them at 9am Wednesday and bring them back on Sunday night.

He has the mondays going from 9 to 9.....

This is the flaw in his logic. Either days start at 3pm, or they start at 9am. It needs to be consistent - either one is true, or the other is true. They can't both be true.

Handover might be half way through the day on some occasions, and that won't change the definition of a 'day'.

Why have Fridays been 3->9? That does seem strange. I would suggest Fridays are also 9am-9am; the kids just happen to be in school for most of that time. When it's a bank holiday, then Ex would get that extra time with them (from 9->3). Of course, he'd also have to take A/L from work to do so, but that's his problem.

Plan - because this is my weekend.

So normally I would collect the boys from school on the friday. Because it's a bh he has them (as per the court order) until 3pm on that friday. He is suggesting the bank holiday is from friday at 3pm until Saturday at 3pm. He has them from 3pm thurdfay to 3 pm friday anyway.

Boys are with me from 3pm monday to 3pm thursday term time.

Ok so in that case his BH is the time they’re off school until 3pm in Friday. I suggest he gets up early and enjoys the day with them before drop off in accordance with the CAO. He doesn’t get a whole extra day!!!

Oh, now I get it. Most of Friday cannot happen on Saturday- he is on another planet.

You could, if you were feeling generous, offer him some “extra” contact on the Friday up til 7pm. But he’s not entitled to it.

I'm a family lawyer.
With people like him I make the CAO very exact about changeover times on non-school days.

What I sometimes suggest with Bank Hols is person who has them the night before (parent A) keeps them til 3, when the other parent (B) would have them as they would if they were at school. This gives A extra time, but B gets what they'd normally have. It's swings and roundabouts - on the next BH it may be reversed so that B gets the extra time, and A only gets what they would have had, and you'd expect it to even out over the course of a year. Other times, I provide for changeover at 12/1, so the bonus day is effectively shared. It just depends what the parents want. Both work out fair in the long run. I also like to specify handover times during holidays.

The point is that with people like this there will always be a disagreement somewhere so I do try to cut off all possible avenues by being as detailed as possible.

Where the time is not specified, there is no right or wrong answer as to how Friday is shared. If the order is silent on what happens on a Bank Hol then the normal routine applies. So if it's your weekend, and weekends are expressed to commence after school, then your weekend starts after school time on the Friday. The BH does not change this, nor does it extend til 3pm the following day.

I've never once had anyone argue that a bank holiday extends until 3pm the following day.

Tootrusting thata really helpful thank you. How would you advise I try and resolve this going forward. He has sent me an email saying he has had legal counsel and hes content with his view point....

It doesnt surprise me that my ex is the first....

What exactly does the order say?
If it simply says F is to have the DCs Thursdays and Mondays, collecting from and returning to school, and that you are to have them on the other days, from after school until school starts, with no change on bank holidays, then you are correct.

Can you say what the order specifically says?

It’s obvious his time finishes at 3pm Friday, surely?

I may well have misunderstood all some of this as lve no first hand experience as l didn't escape my awkward to the bone exh until dc were 18+ but if the order states he has them on the BH Friday as an extra day then maybe he is just trying to get an extra day? Regardless of whether at school or not if he returned them at 3pm Fri he's not getting an extra day just his normal time? Maybe that's his 'logic' ?

Tootrusting - it says week one mother with boys from 3pm to monday to 3pm Thursday, and 3pm friday to 3pm sunday. Father to have boys 3pm thursday 3pm to 3pm friday, 3pm sunday to 3 pm monday. Week two mother with boys 3pm monday to 3pm thursday, week two father with boys 3pm thursday to 3pm monday. Repeat. Holidays to be split equally. But holidays dont start till 3pm on mondays. So I never get a full week and he can get 10 days depending how the weekend fall. It covers special days but not inset or bank holidays.

He just keeps repeating that's what he is doing!!! I dont know how to handle this. Hes just being an absolute prick.

Pick your battles
The court will not want to be involved in this sort of squabble. So you can turn up to collect and make a scene or even call the police as you have an order. Or you can just let him have the extra day, and save it up for a bigger argument.

But this just continues to happen. He just does what he wants all the time.

What would happen if you said "brilliant, that's a massive help, I'm going to book a night away on the Friday, see you Saturday afternoon!"

He knows we have my stepson the same time so it wouldnt work. We are getting him at 9am on the friday because his mother isnt a twat.

I can see sense in his logic - all contacts are starting and ending at 3pm, so why is this one different?

Because the boys are with me from 3pm on the friday as that is my weekend. That's what the court order states. How can a bank holiday Friday finish at 3pm on.a saturday