The mother of a child who's father has remarried is still their mother!

[Clymene]

I've just been listening to You and Yours on Radio 4 about step families and TWO of the step mothers are referring to the mothers of their step-children as their 'biological mothers'.

NO. They are their mothers, full stop. They don't require the pre-fix biological.

When did this become a thing?

I agree with you, but times and family structures have changed I guess.

To differentiate with step mother ?

And if I said 'biological father', I would mean it as a dad who wasn't around much. So it does seem a bit of an insult. Does that make sense?

Everything needs prefix these days

Biological mother used to only ever be used to refer to a woman who had given their child up for adoption- the woman who raised them was their mother, the woman who gave birth the biological mother.

This new usage totally corrupts that and does seem to denigrate the role of the mother- the whole point of step mother is to capture that there's another adult in a parental role but they're not an alternative to the child's actual mother.

@worriedmama1980

So much more eloquently put

I think it sounds a bit odd because the other context where you commonly talk about a 'biological mother' is adoption, where the biological mother no longer has rights to the child.

But TBF I can see how on radio they need a shorthand way to get across which mother they're talking about.

Mother and stepmother do that perfectly well though, Sunshine.

I absolutely agree with you. Has it become a thing? If I was a stepmother and referring to DH's ex in relation to their children, I would definitely refer to their mother.
It's as if the stepmothers you refer to consider themselves so close as to also be their mothers. That is nice in one way but we only have one mother, however lovely our stepmothers may be.

I didn’t hear it so can’t really comment on why they were doing that or whether it was appropriate but I’m a foster carer to kids that are staying with me permanently and to them I’m Mum and I refer to their mum to other people as their biological mum.

It isn't a thing.

I've only seen step-mothers try and use it on here and get ripped a new one

Yes, they're their mothers. Their only mothers, so no other qualifier needed.

Step-mothers are step-mothers. It's not that hard.

If there is a purpose to its use, it would be to try and downgrade the position of 'mother' so it's just another type of mother, like step-mother. So presumably used by step-mothers who either don't like the mothers of the children whose father they're married to, or are insecure about their relationship with said children.

Like I said, new ones get ripped!

To differentiate with step mother ?

That's why they're step mothers. The biological is unnecessary except in adoption if the parents want to use it to refer the birth parents.

I agree with you 100%.

Not just because it’s disrespectful to the mum, but because it insinuates that the dad’s wife actually even wants to be a mother figure in the first place. Some women really don’t want any of those responsibilities and some don’t even want to be referred to as stepmum, never mind “2nd mum”.

Mother and step-mother - I am not sure how much more differentiation is needed, @SunshineCake.

Ah! You have to identify every fucking thing these days.

Why use one perfctrly good word when you can avoid upsetting people who weren't upset by adding more?

Oh! My silly!

Step mums are mums - get over it!?

Is that what I missed?

@Clymene Agree 100%. No need to say 'biological mother' at all. Mother, and step-mother is all that's needed.

To differentiate with step mother ?
No. To differentiate you just say one is the mother and the other is the stepmother.

Yes, the mother is the mother, no other label needed as step mother is the woman who is married to the child's father.

Biological mother has always been used to differentiate between
a woman who gave birth to the child and gave her baby up for adoption and the adoptive mother.

Hopefully it's only a 'thing' on radio 4.

Sounds rather like women being referred to as cis to differentiate them from trans women. It's insulting and a put down in both cases.

People do it all the time on here with Dads they refer to the Dad as Bio Dad sperm donor , but no there is no need for a prefix ,technically I have a step daughter but for various reasons we don't have much of a relationship so I feel a bit odd about referring to myself as her step mum so I say dh daughter my sons sister .

Definitely no need for Bio Mum unless the child has been adopted. Mum and step-mum do the job perfectly. Same applies to Dads.

People do it all the time on here with Dads ... if they are not in the child's life, yes, other than that no. Unless they are trying to insult the dad, as per the 'bio-mum' sneer.

The ONLY time 'biological' parent is a qualifier that is needed is when the child isn't being parented at all or has any contact with their birth parent - when there genuinely is another 'mum' or 'dad' who properly fulfils that role and who isn't a step-parent (ie a person married to one of the birth parents and who therefore is in a parental type role but who isn't an actual parent).

I guess times change, blended families, x2 mothers etc

I think people do it with dads when the dad doesn't have much involvement. But that wasn't the situation either of these women were taking about. The children's mothers were both very much involved in their children's lives.

It used to be ‘birth mother’, not sure when it changed.

What did they call the stepmother?