Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4

Original poster

AIBU anomaly scan?

86 replies

Rachael2098 · 10/02/2020 22:30

I'm due my 20 week scan this week and we are finding out the gender.

My mum has asked if she can pop her head in after we have had the scan just to see it. I really want her to and it will make me so happy

I just don't want to ask my partner incase he is like well I'm inviting my mum too. I understand why but I just don't want my MIL there.

AIBU?

OP posts:

PossiblyPFB · 10/02/2020 22:33

No idea if there is a backstory with your MIL but that’s really not fair; I’d get the photos they give you and show them both after.

ItsAHardKn0ckLife1 · 10/02/2020 22:35

Sorry OP but YABU imo. Maybe your partner would also be excited at the idea of his mum seeing the scan?

Narcheska · 10/02/2020 22:36

Why not just show her the scan pictures after?

It's also worth checking with your hospital. Mine has a strict rule of 1 person per pregnant lady to accompany. The rooms are small and it's a medical check so they don't allow "viewing parties or children" ... most of the time they have a lot of ladies to scan so don't have time once they're done to let people pop they're heads in

If you want to show your mum baby why not arrange a private scan?

Sunshinegirl82 · 10/02/2020 22:37

I really don't think the hospital will allow this? Mine was very strict about who could attend scans.

If you want a scan that others can attend you will need to book a private scan.

AnotherEmma · 10/02/2020 22:38

YANBU
Your body your choice.
You're the pregnant woman, if you want to share the experience with your mum that's your prerogative.
It always gives me the rage when people berate women who want to see their mums after giving birth and not their MILs.
After I gave birth I really appreciated my mum looking after me. There's no way my MIL would have done that.

amazedmummy · 10/02/2020 22:38

My hospital wouldn't have allowed this. One person with the person being scanned. They can both see pictures later.

PurpleDaisies · 10/02/2020 22:39

It’s a medical scan. They’re looking for abnormalities.

It’s not a spectator sport.

DifficultPifcultLemonDifficult · 10/02/2020 22:39

Yanbu if the hospital allow more than one person there.

It's your medical appointment

Tunnocks34 · 10/02/2020 22:40

What purple said.

This is a medical appointment. By all means invite your mum if you feel you need support but if this is a bonding activity I’d strongly suggest booking a private scan - and unless there is a back story then invite your MIL.

DPotter · 10/02/2020 22:40

If you're having an anomaly scan, they won't be looking for gender. If you're having a scan to find out the gender, it's not guaranteed they'll be able to see enough to tell you. They probably wouldn't let a 2nd person in with you anyway

I think you need to seriously think through what could happen relationship-wise with your DP if you sneak your Mum into the scan. I think you are being mightily unreasonable and setting yourself up for a whole lot of bad feeling if you do this.

CoffeeNeeded2019 · 10/02/2020 22:41

I would be surprised if the hospital let you; mine didn’t
Private scans are not that expensive and much more suited to a family event in my experience

Whyhaveidonethis · 10/02/2020 22:41

I don't think you are unreasonable for just wanting your mum there but I do think maybe it is a bit unkind to your DP. Also I don't think it would be possible. Once it's done it's done, they aren't going to sit there and wait for your mum to pop in. Why don't you just book a private scan? They let anyone inbb

ComtesseDeSpair · 10/02/2020 22:42

Your mum shouldn’t be there. Not only because it isn’t fair for your mum to be included if you won’t include his mum but because as much as you’re seeing this as the big gender reveal scan, it’s still an anomaly scan and the last thing you’ll want if you receive bad news is excited grandparents waiting about all bouncy to be called in to find out the sex.

Arrange to see them both afterwards with the scan photos.

Ginfordinner · 10/02/2020 22:42

It’s a medical scan. They’re looking for abnormalities. It’s not a spectator sport

This ^^

WellWellWellWhatHaveWeHere · 10/02/2020 22:43

YANBU to not want your MIL (or anyone else) there. YANBU to want your mum there. But the same goes for your husband though - does he really want your mum there or is it just about what you two want? It’s really really not about whether your mum would be so happy sticking her head in. Would he be so happy for her to be included in this way in your/his shared private moment?

If you both want your mums there then you would be V V unreasonable to unilaterally say that yours gets preference over his.

oldfashionedtastingtea · 10/02/2020 22:43

You do know that they do the scan because at that gestation they find out a lot of health problems? Lots of people find out that terminating might be the kindest thing. And that isn't simple, but basically birthing a baby and letting it die. It's not for finding out the gender or having fun with mum.

CoffeeNeeded2019 · 10/02/2020 22:43

Oh, and whilst I absolutely understand wanting your Mum there ...
Imagine this baby is a boy and in 25 years time his partner doesn’t want you at their scan but her Mum is allowed ...:. Grandparents are a fantastic support network & your partner should be able to share his joy with his Mum too

Freddiefox · 10/02/2020 22:46

. I understand why but I just don't want my MIL there.

Is there a back story? If not you’re sort of already placing you mum as the important grandparents, I understand that you want your mum to be included, I think it depends on how your dh feels about having your mum and not his.

Originalyellowbelly · 10/02/2020 22:50

My ds and ddil are having theirs tomorrow, it's a time for parents only imo, but I'm excited to hear from them that all is well and hopefully hear the gender if baby is obliging.

georgialondon · 10/02/2020 22:52

My NHS Trust doesn't allow this.

Have you checked if it's even an option. It probably isn't.

Notso · 10/02/2020 22:59

Please don't bank on your Mum just being able to 'pop' in. It's a medical scan not a look at the baby appointment and you might not be able to find out the sex either.

In the nicest possible way you and you're partner are going to be parents. You really need to be able to have a conversation about this.

LionelRitchieStoleMyNotebook · 10/02/2020 23:01

As PPs it's likely it wouldn't be allowed, DH was there for mine, until I had some complications and had scans every ten to fourteen days, he'd been to about a dozen but was working away, I had the day off and was going for lunch with DM so she came with me first, I didn't think of it would offended MIL, but I'd had so many they became a bit of an annoyance to be fair. Even then DM had assumed she'd stay in the waiting room until the ultrasound technician asked me if I wanted her to come with us.

ThisIsBigMoon · 10/02/2020 23:03

Sex. Not gender and YABU.

20viona · 10/02/2020 23:05

You can't just 'pop your head in' at the end Jesus it doesn't work like that it's a medical appointment.

TheNoodlesIncident · 10/02/2020 23:12

Is this your first baby? YABU sorry.

My mum has asked if she can pop her head in after we have had the scan just to see it

"No sorry mum, it's a medical procedure, they only allow one other person in. You can see the photos afterwards if everything looks OK."

I have had the worst news possible at scans, it's not just a jolly to find out what the baby's sex is.

Flip

1 2 3 4

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.