AIBU anomaly scan?

[Rachael2098]

I'm due my 20 week scan this week and we are finding out the gender.

My mum has asked if she can pop her head in after we have had the scan just to see it. I really want her to and it will make me so happy

I just don't want to ask my partner incase he is like well I'm inviting my mum too. I understand why but I just don't want my MIL there.

AIBU?

@Cs03 you ok hun?

@Narcheska yes Hun are you ? Xx

I'm so confused. Is this your 20 week anomaly scan or is this a private sex of the baby reveal scan?

OP, your question is this: ‘I’m having a private 20week scan (having already had one on the nhs) and 5people are allowed. However I really only want my partner there and then for my DM to pop in at the end. How can I explain to DP that I don’t want his DM there?’

The answer is, with some difficulty if he thinks she ought to be there too. However it is up to you so it just depends on how hard you are prepared to fight it. In your place I might frame it as being very nervous and wanting Mum’s support but nobody else to keep it calm. I’d keep it completely quiet from MIL. Why would she find out anyway?

Despite your feelings about MIL do try to let her be involved as well. She could well turn out to be an excellent GP and being a bit overbearing doesn’t make her a bad person.

They printed mine. I photographed them and sent them to my mother and MIL. Job done. Only me and husband present.

Why would you book a private anomaly scan (in region of £180) when you could have a gender scan for £40?

• prices quoted from a national pregnancy scan company.

@Crunchymum. The private anomaly scans are often better than the NHS ones, the equipment is more up to date and often performed by doctors. I had quite a serious anomaly picked up on a private scan that was missed by the NHS a week earlier.

@Bezalelle

It always gives me the rage when people berate women who want to see their mums after giving birth and not their MILs.
"Why does this enrage you? Can't you fathom that people are different?"

If you have to ask why it enrages me when women berate other women, you must be rather hard of thinking. Of course people are different, and that's why we shouldn't berate each other for different choices and feelings. Especially a woman who is going through arguably the most challenging thing we go through (pregnancy and birth) and is at her most vulnerable. That is when we need to respect and support her.

There is an almost obsessive insistence on "fairness" and the "rights" of the MIL, but the fact is that it's not fair, women give birth not men, and if they feel comfortable involving their MIL that's wonderful, but it's not an automatic right and it's certainly not a stick to beat the poor woman with.

I have a DS. If he becomes a father I will have respect for the mother of his child. I will look forward to seeing the baby when she is ready.

I agree with @Anotheremma if my son had a baby I would never insist on being at scans or the birth etc I would back off and be there when my dil needed or wanted me. I’d also not be offended by the fact she is not my daughter and would obviously prefer to have her own mother looking after her or at the hospital. It’s so strange how these mil get so entitled.

Bit off for your DM to ask really. Pushing herself in, excited though she may be. It's a special time for you and your partner IMO, not extended family.

Dont wanna be a debbie downer but please remember the purpose of this scan. It's to check for abnormalities. You need to think about whether you're gonna want additional stress of telling your mother immediately if there is something not quite right.