Advice needed, honest opinions

[lilmisstoldyouso]

Ok

So, here's a situation which has developed and I need some advice, well opinions really, I'll try to be brief.

Me and my DH both work demanding full time jobs. About six months ago he decided to buy into a franchise, his plan was/is to leave his current job once the business "takes off". He paid a 10k to buy the franchise and spent three weeks away from home attending training.

He has absolutely no experience in business, I mean none. And he had absolutely zero experience in the field the franchise covers.

Before he bought into the franchise I expressed my concerns "business is difficult, you have no knowledge of the product,". He simply wouldn't listen, said I was not ambitious, was scared of change and he was doing it anyway. In the end I just agreed to disagree because it was causing too many arguments.

He is now two months in, is completely overwhelmed by the legalities, tax, insurances and what not, and admitted this weekend that he can't remember how to use their computer system, so can't process any business transactions, he hasn't had any customers so this is probably a good thing, otherwise I'd dread to think what would have happened to the people's money.

He has now asked, well demanded, that I attended the training as well, so that he has someone to "support him" and someone to answer calls when he's not around.

I have explained that I never had any interest, intention, desire what so ever to run a business. I have no interest or knowledge of the product, am not a sales person, have my own job to do.

His response was "well when it takes off you'll be happy to spend to money won't you".

Because he runs the franchise from home I have no break from it. Yesterday was spent sitting on the couch for literally 10 hours doing online training for suppliers. If I so much as glanced at my phone he accused me of not being supportive and not being "there for him".

My opinion is this (Please tell me I'm wrong, I need perspective on this)

I have no interest in running a business, he knows this. I work full time in my own demanding job. I told him not to do it because I could foresee the issues it would cause. I feel like I'm being railroaded into something I want no part of. I think (privately) he's a fucking idiot for spending 10k of our money on a fucking pipe dream. The industry he's invested in is cut throat, and the commission is a pittance, by the time every man and his dog had taken their cut he will be lucky to earn 50 quid per job.

All we have done this weekend is argue. I resent him for bulldozing us into this. Sorry but I do.

Am I being unsupportive?

AIBU for not wanting to jump on board?

What would you do?

How long is he tied in for? It’s not like he can sell it on as a going concern.

Tell him to book a weeks leave. Get his head round it. If he can’t then he needs to jack it in.

He's tied in for twelve months at least. Didn't know you could sell a franchise on, is this really something you can do?

He has no leave left to take because he used it all up attending training.

He's still working full-time in his day job too? That's something at least.
He needs to put into practice all that motivation and enthusiasm he had when he ignored your sensible advice, and get to grips with it. If he has trouble remembering things has he tried... writing it down?

You're right, he's a fucking idiot. He needs a set timescale to make a go of it then wrote it off as 10k lost if it's not working out - don't give into the temptation to throw good money after bad.

Is it this one www.longcroftcathotel.co.uk/franchise-cat-hotel-cattery/

And yeah he is being VU to expect you to do it for him. Ffs.

No Hingle, nothing like that.

Yep, he's a fucking idiot.

Don't help him, he made the stupid decision knowing that you didn't help him.

He sounds like the kind of person who will blame you when it inevitably fails, whether you helped him or not. So why bother helping?

AIBU though for not wanting to get involved?

Would any of you go to the training?

I honestly don't know what I'd do. Definitely if there are still savings put some into your sole name.

I'd not be attending training no, as you've said you have a job.

This is affecting our marriage now, haven't spoken about anything other than the franchise since Christmas. I finished work three hours early on friday but instead of going home I stayed behind to help a colleague with their job because I couldnt face going home to it all.

Fucking fuck it !

He wants you to 'train' so you'll share the responsibility.

Don't! I wouldn't go anywhere near it, it's his project. But I would be oh-so-supportive. "You don't need me, you're doing great, you'll get there." Etc. Don't argue, don't give your opinion. Let him carry on.

Because when it inevitably fails, you'll be the one he blames (easier than blaming himself) if you voice any more concerns, and it'll be because of your 'negativity'. So just weather this for now.

That was a shitty comment for him to make about you spending the money, is he normally mean?

10 grand, jeez. Has he form for crackpot schemes?

Feel for you. Definitely don't help other than make sympathetic wife noises. Maybe show him the Simpsons episode where Marge buys into a pretzel making franchise

Hingeandbracket LOL

OP -- say, 'this is not my thing and I would just make things worse for you if I got involved. I can be supportive by picking up the slack for you in our daily lives, though.'

I think that's reasonable. But if I were you, I would enjoy diving in and learning something new. Maybe you and your DH will end up being great business partners. Who knows.

If I had the time, I'd probably go to the training because I'm interested in the idea of running a business. But it doesn't sound you have the time, and you have been clear you have no interest. I think yanbu at all. He started this whole thing of his own doing and you expressed concern from the start. I'd leave him to get on with it. He's not being fair to you.

He’s completely railroaded you in to this situation and is now manipulating you in to saving his ass.

In all honesty I don’t think I could step in in your circumstances. If you have argued all weekend how will you work together?

He’s floundering and you’re resentful, it doesn’t make for a successful business partnership or marriage imo.

£10k is a lot of money but I’d genuinely be inclined to write it off as an expensive mistake otherwise it could end up costing you your marriage.

Bihye

Yeah, that comment really got to me, I would never say something like that to him.

And if the 10k was family money rather than his own personal money, I think you've already been supportive enough in agreeing that he could spend it on (what sounds like) a hare brained scheme!

Wow this sounds like a nightmare. Can I ask how much he earns currently in his f/t job and how your salary compares? Just wondering why he thinks this franchise is preferable to the current job - is it supposed to make tons of money? Or be more fulfilling? As neither of those things seem to be happening.

In terms of being tied in for 12 months, what happens if he just walks away? Awful to lose £10k but how much more money / time / leave will he be investing.

And you are absolutely not wrong to not want any part of it. I would not have sat next to him on the couch for 10hours!! I’d have made him a cuppa and headed off to spend my own downtime how I pleased, whether chores admin or leisure.

He's right though isn't he, if it picks up and makes lots of money I'm sure you'll be happy.

Whilst I appreciate you never 'signed up for this' I always thought relationships were about supporting each other...?

YANBU.

Why do you have to sit with him whilst he does it ? I don't get it?

I would just go out and leave him to it. Can you pick up your social life with friends/hobbies if he is now such a bore? It's clearly not a business he is running but a money sucking vanity project. I would steer well clear of it.

If he needs a partner he can find some other mug to stump up cash and work with him.

You are being totally reasonable for not wanting to get involved. You said from the outset that you weren’t interested and that you thought it was a bad idea. You have been proved right.

Give his idiocy, your priority should be making sure that one of you has a real job so that you can pay the bills at the end of the month.

Your husband is being extremely unreasonable.

This is difficult, because clearly he was right, and yes he was an idiot, he tried to run before he could walk and now he's panicking.

But he's your husband, personally I'd likely roll my sleeves up and help him. He's made a collasal mistake, but one that can still be rectified. The resentment is going to be huge, you for forcing uou into this, him for you not supporting him when he needs it.

The problem I think uou have is that he is looking for someone to take some responsibility off him. He's behaving badly but likely because he's panicking and stressed. I'd maybe allocate the tasks up, divide and conquer and just get through it if I'm honest.

Well where is his support for OP? She didn’t think it was a good idea, he went ahead anyway. He’s used all his leave, he talks of nothing else and he doesn’t even want her to use her own non-work time for work things. If she’s said she was up for it and then lost interest that wouldn’t have been supportive, but she’s obviously been clear from the start that it wasn’t for her and she didn’t think it was for him either.

Blurharry

If I had half an idea about the product I might give it a try if I had the time, but I don't have time. And also my work contract doesn't allow me to do any other business without my employers approval. I would have to submit a business proposal to HR, go for an interview, explain myself to senior managers. First person would be my own manager, and we don't exactly get along the best anyway.