As a PP said, it’s much easier to divorce now when you have a short marriage, no children together ( sorry ) and neither of you is dependent on the other.
You need to make a detailed list of all your assets and debts and estimate how much of these were accrued during the marriage. This includes saving, life insurance, pensions. If you paid more towards the deposit on your house then you need evidence of that.
Then get legal advice , so you know where you stand.
Again, I encourage you NOT to share any of this information with your husband. Because you have been living in this unhappy and abusive marriage you have ended up in this ‘tit for tat ‘ dynamic . So you end up trying to score points off him and vice versa. That’s why a Pp said that you seemed selfish and childish about the car.
I understand the urge when he says to you “ well you do nothing for me, I’ve carried you for years “ to reply “ well my lawyer says that actually I’d be entitled to X Y and Z”.
I know you want to see the look on his face when you drop that bombshell. But you would win the battle and lose the war. You need to keep your powder dry.
I do understand why you are so angry at him about small things. That’s what happens when you live like this for years. It all dissolves into “ well I won’t let him have the car because he used all the diesel “ and he says “ well in that case I won’t cook you dinner because we should be a team”.
Bitch bitch bitch. It all sounds petty to anyone who is not living it.
You think it’s possible to “ stand up for yourself “ and “ not give in to his bullying “. But it’s not a game of oneupmanship. You are clearly not happy and you know it can’t be fixed. Or maybe you still hope that if you threaten him enough he will change ?
So my advice to you is to do is focus on the end game and not dissipate your energy by getting annoyed because he left sweetie papers in your car. You can’t change him. Either decide that you want to love like this for the rest of your life, or make plans to leave.
If ( and I know it’s a big if ) you leave, you are not doing so because he broke an ornament or earns less than you. You would be leaving because he is an abuser and you are in an abusive relationship and that’s no way to live.
And I know you are getting annoyed at AnotherEmma. But I agree with everything she has says. None of the “ evidence “ you have collected on your husband will stop him having contact with any joint child.
That’s because you think it’s proof that he’s an angry and aggressive person. However the courts will see it as an indication of a problem in the relationship between you and him. And therefore not of any relevance to how he would treat his child.
After all, he doesn’t grab his boss by the arms, force him up against a wall and scream in his face, does he ? So why ( the argument goes ) would he do that to his child. He can clearly control his temper when he wants to.
He will say that your provoked him with your intolerable behaviour , that you abused him and he’s the victim. That your recordings don’t show how you acted before, that he was set up and manipulated.
He will Point out that he has no criminal records and you have no medical or police records that prove he has done anything wrong.
That’s how men who have put women on hospital still get unsupervised access to their kids. Then when they injure or kill them, everyone says “what a surprise ! Who could have known? He seemed like a doting dad to me “.
