Sorry, another Philip Schofield one...

[UnaCorda]

I really couldn't care less about Philip Schofield's sexuality (or anyone else's) and good for him for finally being true to himself. But what makes me quite cross is all this talk of honesty and bravery, and the self-indulgent, tortured confessional in front of the nation when really it's of no importance to anyone who doesn't know him personally.

In the clip of his chat with Holly he asks repeatedly, "When is the right time?" In my opinion, the right time is before you get married to someone who believes you are straight. It's not brave, or honest, to make someone unwittingly provide you with the benefits of a heterosexual relationship, including children, so you can be viewed by the public as a "respectable family man". It's actually rather selfish.

I had a brief relationship with someone who I later discovered was gay. He didn't even have the balls to tell me directly, and it seriously screwed me up for a long time. I can't imagine what it must be like to find out your husband of 27 years is homosexual.

I'm not gay, so perhaps I am being unreasonable as I don't know what it is like to come out to friends and family (although I imagine it is easier now than it was thirty years ago) and I don't know whether PS really believed that he was in love with his wife when they got married. But I do think that leaving a duplicitous life which affects other people is not a kind or honourable thing to do and I feel very sorry for his wife and daughters who I think really have been brave.

AlternativePerspective The news in the press has been very carefully stage managed and still makes him look like a self absorbed shit.

I've got a 19yo son and if someone had done to him what PS did to the lad at the centre of this scandal then you can trust I wouldnt be hanging out the bunting for them.

Alternative I was answering your first post where you said the thread was in bad taste, no-one knew about their marriage, and comments criticising him were bordering homophobic. He brought this into the public domain and he said she didn't know. Criticising someone for being a lying, cheating, selfish arse isn't homophobia.

@KatyCarrCan I agree with you. If PS had been with a male partner all this time, and had decided to "go straight" on telly, having deceived his partner for 27 years, I would also think PS was a shit in those circumstances too. Ok, there wouldn't be kids involved and no-one is marginalised for being straight, but he would still have been living a lie for over 20 years and it would still be abhorrent. More so if he was called "brave" and his poor partner felt compelled to be "supportive"

Its not his sexuality that's the issue. It's being a lying, deceiving, self absorbed, selfish user for all those years.

I hope Steph and Gordon find love, just to round things off full circle. I would prefer to listen to the squeaking rather than PS.

I'm curious as to how the threads on mn would play out if it were a rich woman in the public domain who 'came out ' after 27 years of ' happy ' marriage and was now with a lady partner? Would we be the same about her husband ? Would we be speculating ( as I am myself about PS) if her husband knew about it etc? Was just in it for the money and to keep her ' family ' image so she wouldn't be criticised?

Brave?

Brave is not awakening a love in another person with no desire or ability to love them back.
Brave is not taking someone to share your life with knowing that you can never truly love them the way they love you.
Brave is not using someone else's love as a smokescreen to put on a show to the masses.
Brave is not taking the best years of someones life and making a sham of them especially on a public platform.
Brave is not duping the ones you love the most so as not to tarnish your career.

By all means come out when you are 50, 60, 70, 80 whatever but don't drag others into your lies and pretense for your own selfish motives. There is absolutely nothing brave in that.

That is just narcissistic damage control.

Just as in a heterosexual partnership, he should have told his wife once he realised and ended the relationship, then had his affairs

• NOT have affairs while married

And if he really was grooming teenagers, especially while he was their boss, then he is vile
No excuses - being gay doesn't make that OK

A straight guy who has affairs within marriage would get crucified on MN, rightly so
Why does it make such a difference when he's gay ?

@ The80sweregreat no, I suspect that the male partner would be accused of staying with her for the money because he must have known. And he would be considered a user and a shit while the woman would be upheld as brave and courageous having finally found the guts to be who she was and leave the bastard.

@The80sweregreat I think people would behave similarly to be honest. I think they would commend the bravery of the woman and her husband wouldn't even be considered. Because the 'outing' gives people opportunity to whoop and be all 'speak your truth!'. Its easier to ignore the poor behaviour when the person has been 'brave'. When I was a teenager, a friend of my mums dumped her long term girlfriend for a man. She was with this woman for 10 years, but decided she was straight and wanted kids. The long term girlfriend didnt take it well at all, but there was no sympathy. She was a 'crazy lesbian' who needed to 'accept the former partner for who she is'. The poor woman was heartbroken. At the time, I put people's shittiness down to homophobia and thought not acknowledging the partners feelings was due to the fact that being straight was more acceptable. Now, I don't know.

@The80sweregreat

There are women in the public eye who’ve come out, they just don’t bother with the fanfare like Phillip has.

I completely agree with you and I’m pleased the majority on this thread do too. I have heard some truly vile things about PS from people who work in television so have known him in a professional capacity behind the scenes. He isn’t a nice person. I personally find him smarmy and egotistical and this charade is further proof.

He married his wife in his thirties, if you don’t know you’re gay by that stage there’s something amiss. My gay friends knew once they hit puberty, I believe PS did too.

He knowingly fed his wife a complete lie, he procreated with her twice and lied to his daughters too. She must feel as though she has wasted three decades of her life on a fantasy, he never loved her in the way she loved him. He lied to her every time they had sex too. It would not surprise me if he has had affairs with men over the years behind her back. I have so much sympathy for her and his daughters.

He is not brave, he is a total coward. A brave man would be himself from the start. He married her in the 1990s, not the 1960s when it was illegal.

Thanks for your replies!
I've heard on the grapevine of women with children leaving their partner for another woman but I don't know anyone personally. My late sil was gay but she never went out with a man ( to my knowledge anyway) and my sons ex girlfriend immediately finished with him once she realised she wasn't ' straight' but they were not married or had children or anything and I admire her honesty to be honest ( she has struggled since , but I hope she finds happiness) they were true to themselves and others I suppose!

In this case it seems to me that Phil and his wife just lived a lie for many years and that must have been stressful. Especially as rumours about other aspects of all this may start up now I suppose. It's all hard to get my head around and I don't know any of these people : even though nothing surprises me anymore, I still find it fascinating how they could live this way and be happy! Maybe money helps too?

On MN people constantly say that if someone isn’t happy in their marriage then they should leave before ending up having an affair with someone else, and yet if someone does do that then the response is always that they must have been sleeping with someone else already, regardless of whether they’re gay or straight.

@AlternativePerspective, but if it's been an open secret for decades that he's gay then it means he's been having affairs for years. Even if PS's wife is complicit in it then it's disgusting that they've been lying to the public in this way.

My husband and I were talking last night about it. He thinks someone found out and was possibly blackmailing him.

What a hornets nest this is stirring up. I remember someone in the 80s who lived near him in Chiswick telling me Schofield was gay and living with a boyfriend. He got married in 1993 presumably to squash any rumours and further his career. That's a deceptive move for anyone to make, regardless of whether Steph knew or not. Cliff Richard has never spoken about his sexuality but he's never married a woman for the sake of appearances either. There are lots of famous people who refuse to discuss their sexuality (why should they) but they don't feel the need to play happy families for the sake of their career.

This Morning sounds like it's been covering up some very dark behaviour and people are starting to speak out about it. ITV just about got away with the whole Ant drink driving and addiction to "painkillers" incident . This one looks like it has many layers to it and people just aren't buying it anymore. This isn't like the old days where Saville and his cronies controlled people through fear. We have the internet now and Phil's people can't spin that.

My first thoughts were ' damage limitation' it
Doesn't stop the rumours on twitter etc though. A lot of celebs take out super injunctions I believe so maybe his had to do this instead ?
No idea , but there is probably more going on here than we know about!

Well we can officially say holly is a bitch or at least couldn’t care less about his wife.

She's just an annoying airhead to be frank, just like Schofield.

I agree with the op.
Whether his wife knew or not is irrelevant.
Perhaps she knew, like thousands of other cheated on partners do, but for what ever reason chose to stay in the relationship.
Perhaps, like thousands of cheated on partners , she was the last to know.

I am absolutely sure she Did not know he was gay before she married him.
I hope she finds peace and happiness.

@CallofDoodee yes. Can’t reveal obv

Absolutely agree with you @UnaCorda

He knew he was gay but married anyway. Unless his wife knew from the outset, that is awful behaviour. He has used this family man image to help promote his career and popularity.

He probably wouldn’t be where he is on TV today if he had been openly gay in the 1980’s early 90’s. I think that shows some level of deliberation.
(Not condoning that, just thinking factually)

Recently he has received a lot of bad press about his behaviour and being difficult to work with. Announcing this will take the heat off, he can use his difficult dilemma as mitigating circumstances for his recent behaviour. His weight loss will give more credibility to his angst. (For some not all)

I also think he was about to be outed and had no choice to do this. However why could he not admit to being gay without the indulgence of that announcement?

To me that proved how big his ego actually is, it was all about himself, who else would be given that sort of forum? And as a pp quite rightly said, how would it be if Holly’s husband had come on the sofa and made that announcement, would he be saluted as being brave.

His sexuality doesn’t matter to me but how disrespectful to his wife and daughters to discuss the possibility of a future relationship while stating how loyal and supportive they were being.

No! Really ? 🙄

The "brave" ones are those who were honest about their sexuality, knowing the negative impact it would have on their lives and careers and didn't hide behind a carefully manufactured persona built on deceit.

I'm sick of itv. Honestly. They are so indulged in their big egos. And quite why they think we are all so stupid is very annoying.

Also what message was he sending out to other young gay men, describing all of this angst and reluctance, is it not a negative message?

Imagine this was going on at the BBC, all the Brexit types will be delighted