Can not stand DH’s smells any longer

[ncagainforfeb]

Every morning DH makes brown toast with marmite and coffee for breakfast. I’m 28 weeks pregnant and for some reason the smell of it makes me feel sick to my stomach.

I don’t know why but the toast in particular is such a horrible smell and seems to pervade the whole house, even upstairs - even though he makes and eats it all in the kitchen.

We have a small house but it’s hard flooring throughout, so I don’t know how it gets everywhere?! It’s not like there are carpets soaking up the smell or anything.

I don’t know whether to say something to DH or just leave it, as I know it’s probably U to ask him to eat something totally different for breakfast. What do you think?

I had a heightened sense of smell during pregnancy and some things made me feel really sick. It’s causing you additional stress and discomfort so just talk to your DH - he really shouldn’t mind switching his breakfast choices while it’s affecting you, it’s a very small price to pay for someone you love. People who say it’s controlling have clearly never suffered with smells making them feel sick.

Hesitate to use the word controlling but it is a bit, isn’t it?

For FUCKS sake what in the name of all that's sacred are you on, @tryingtoworkitallout?

Pregnant woman feels sick.
Wants to ask person causing sick-making smells to have a think about what to do about that.
PP: "YOU ARE BEING CONTROLLING!!!!"

Weird. The poor OP can't HELP feeling sick. Her DH, otoh, can perfectly well control his toast preference for a few weeks.
Anyone suggesting otherwise is telling DH that he has zero responsibility for this pregnancy, & OP that she alone must assume responsibility for any of the less pleasant effects of pregnancy.

I remember it will. I had bad issues with smells during both my pregnancy’s.

Once he came home from a late shift and microwaved Chicago town pizzas. I woke up and vomited. Another time he mad onion rings 🤢

Just mention it to him. I’m sure he’ll understand.

Another one saying it’s totally normal and not controlling. When I was last pregnant, the smell of oranges would make me gag uncontrollably. Unfortunately my children love them. I would just have to leave the room and leave them with another adult to supervise them. As they were children I couldn’t really explain it, if it was another adult eating something I found stomach turning on a regular basis, I would definitely mention it!

Definitely just talk to him about it. I'm on my third hyperemesis pregnancy and in each one have been very sensitive to smells... DH has over the years put up with sleeping with the bedroom windows open even when it snowed; sleeping in different room to me entirely (for some reason the smell of DH himself is particularly awful for me - but only when pregnant!) ; being banned from any use of onions garlic or spices in the kitchen for about 6 months... and there are plenty more.

He loves me, he knows I'm not just being difficult, these things make me retch, and it's for a finite period. If he was ill and made the same requests of me I'd happily comply if it helped him feel better.

So not unreasonable at all to explain and ask him to have a different breakfast for now, or to shut the kitchen door to keep the smell in while he cooks and eats, and thoroughly air the kitchen afterwards if that does the trick.

Good grief... do you really need to seek advice on whether to incommodate your other half by asking him to modify his breakfast, slightly, not to upset your over sensitive maternity nose?

The fact you have not complained as yet, makes me think you may have communications issues much bigger than marmite.

Could he maybe close the kitchen door and open all the windows and eat it in there?

I absolutely hated the smell of chicken and garlic cooking when I was pregnant, it made me feel so, so incredibly sick. I could hardly keep anything down anyway for the first five months. Had my current OH been my OH then he would have taken it off the menu for as long as he needed to in order to help me not feel sick wherever possible. I wouldn’t say it’s controlling at all.

You will have to decide if you want to ask him to switch to a toast free breakfast for a bit, or put up with it

A good stop gap for pregnancy nose is to get some orange and lemon essential oils and put a few drops on a tissue or handkerchief and keep it in your pocket. At the first whiff of a stinky smell, put it over your nose and breath in. It really helps (but you might want to try a few different oils in case one works better than another)

It's only for a few weeks - it's not a massive ask. After all, it's his baby you're carrying and so you'd think he'd be OK with making a minor sacrifice given what you're going through physically.

I just don’t want to be seen as a nag and know how silly it sounds
Oh dear oh dear oh dear.

it’s only toast after all!
No it is not. It is you feeling sick - i.e. unwell & uncomfortable - & choosing to martyr yourself just in case DH thinks you are "a nag" or "silly."

Why would that be, OP?
Does he often call you a nag, or silly?
Or is this all in your own head?
Do you not think he would be appalled to know that his breakfast makes his pregnant wife feel ill? That he would immediately want to do anything on his power to ensure your comfort?

If you are scared to speak up, you've got larger problems than what DH eats for breakfast. Please read this - www.amazon.co.uk/s?hvlocphy=9046064&hvnetw=g&hvadid=259095373364&k=a+woman+in+your+own+right&gclid=EAIaIQobChMI57PBpYvC5wIVSrTtCh0zAAbAEAAYASAAEgKpRvD_BwE&ref=pd_sl_6qqpz4x8ql_e&hydadcr=10807_1789870&hvpos=1t1&hvdev=c&hvqmt=e&tag=mumsnetforu03-21&hvtargid=aud-857735893802%3Akwd-320451208514&adgrpid=54820865978&hvrand=3199265138146951877

I'll send you my dp, then you'll have smells to moan about 😂😂😂😑

Is he closing the kitchen door ?

Can we all stop mocking a pregnant woman for seeking advice on mumsnet please? It’s unhelpful and just a bit stupid to question someone asking for advice. In my experience people tend to ask for advice on this kind of thing due to unhealthy past relationships, be that with parents or partners.

You haven't said anything ??

Sorry but that sounds like an odd relationship set up. Just tell him.

But the way others are commanding that he eats something else is controlling IMO.

& IMO, you are confusing assertiveness with control @tryingtoworkitallout. Suggest you read the Anne Dickson book linked above too.

When a pregnant woman asks the man who impregnated her not to eat something that causes her the pregnancy heaves, how on earth do you arrive at the conclusion of controlling behaviour?

Isn't it far, far more likely that - as OP seems scared to open her mouth about what really ought to be a non-issue - that it's her DH who might be the controlling one in this marriage?

Speak to him - my exh had to give up coffee when I was pregnant as I could not stand the smell. He did as he understood it was pregnancy related

My DH ate out at an Ethiopian restaurant when i was pregnant. He had the most delicious meal apparently, but when he came home I could not cope with the smell of him. He had to sleep in another room. Next day I had a scan appointment and in the taxi I was hunched against the window making DH sit as far away as possible. Taxi driver must have thought I hated him.
All sorts of things made me heave. Rice cooking, the Sunday papers, petrol stations...

It isn't controlling at all.

My dp is banned from making those pasta and sauce / pot noodle things when I'm in the house. Oh and scrambled egg. The smell makes me heave

In return I don't ever cook fish or eat jars of cockles and olives when he's in the house.

Neither of us are pregnant or controlling. We just have mutual respect for each other.

My dh has marmite i hatge the smell but im not pregnant so dont say anything apart from yuk-i feel for you op

I couldn't bear the smell of potatoes being peeled when I was pregnant. Prior to that I hadn't been aware that potatoes did smell. (Turns out it was a good excuse to get out of peeling them, still don't peel them to this day, thank you husband!)

tell him you know it’s irrational
I liked every part of your post except that bit @Princessfaffalot.

What's irrational in this situation? Or did you have to defer to your selfish ex's no doubt superbly honed ManMind by insulting your own intelligence?

Woman is pregnant - fact.
Pregnant women can be hypersensitive to smells - fact.
DH's breakfast smell makes OP feel sick - fact.
DH is responsible for OP's pregnancy - fact.
A different breakfast might offer OP instant relief from nausea - logic.
A decent human being would not wish to make another human feel sick - logical inference.

I hate the smell of toast. Really loathe it, always have. I'm not pregnant. I go out on construction sites often, I can happily cope with all sorts of unpleasant smells - but open the portacabin's where somebody's been at the toaster and I feel nauseous.

Why do people always assume that 'nobody else would object to the smell of x'. So ignorant and so MN.

OP - what if your husband put the extractor fan on whilst he was making it, and whilst the toast was still warm? Or struck a match or two?

I make toast for my children, with the extractor on, and it's ok. Not brilliant, but ok for me.

If he was temporarily going through a phase for good medical reason where a smell of a food you liked made him nauseous, would you want to know so you could avoid putting him through it?

I'd want to help a colleague out with that, never mind a partner!

Hope he can find another breakfast or another place to make his toast and the nausea passes fast for you

Why don you think that saying something makes you a nag? Are you worried about how he'll react? Because I can't imagine not saying something to my DH.