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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Can not stand DH’s smells any longer

121 replies

ncagainforfeb · 08/02/2020 12:41

Every morning DH makes brown toast with marmite and coffee for breakfast. I’m 28 weeks pregnant and for some reason the smell of it makes me feel sick to my stomach.

I don’t know why but the toast in particular is such a horrible smell and seems to pervade the whole house, even upstairs - even though he makes and eats it all in the kitchen.

We have a small house but it’s hard flooring throughout, so I don’t know how it gets everywhere?! It’s not like there are carpets soaking up the smell or anything.

I don’t know whether to say something to DH or just leave it, as I know it’s probably U to ask him to eat something totally different for breakfast. What do you think?

OP posts:
Stroan · 08/02/2020 13:07

I really get this, when I was pregnant I used to hide in bed crying whenever anyone ate bolognese. DH didn't everything to stop the smell spreading through the house but unfortunately it's one of the few meals DD would reliably eat. It was awful.

Have you explained how it makes you feel?

ActualHornist · 08/02/2020 13:09

When I was pregnant the smell of my husbands coffee breath absolutely turned my stomach. And I mean, just drunk coffee, not like old breath.

I would just tell him to stop breathing at me, and took care to not do that. He didn’t take offence.

I don’t think it’s controlling for one half of a married couple to ask the other half to not do something for a defined and short period of time because it’s really causing you distress.

He loves you. I’d be seriously worried if my husband wouldn’t compromise for a short time because he believed I was being controlling or nagging.

FreakOutFarOut · 08/02/2020 13:10

I had a horrendous aversion to the smell of bread/toast in early pregnancy, for a time I couldn't enter any supermarkets because of the "freshly baked bread" smell they pump out. I wouldn't think twice about a saying something to my DH considering the circumstances. It's a pretty small price to pay plus it's not forever! I was fine with nearly all food and smells by 20 weeks.

makingmammaries · 08/02/2020 13:14

•How so? You are in charge of what you feed your children.•

Subject to what said children agree to eat.

Clymene · 08/02/2020 13:15

Just tell him. I'm sure he won't mind having something else for a while.

MillennialPink · 08/02/2020 13:15

I'm very concerned that you think you need MN's permission to ask your husband to temporarily change his breakfast choice. What other perfectly reasonable requests would you be too timid to make?

Apolloanddaphne · 08/02/2020 13:17

Just say to him that you are being really badly affected by smells and for some reason the smell of his breakfast is making you feel really awful. Then ask him if he would mind eating something else for breakfast for a while until the nausea passes. Any reasonable person would not have an issue with this.

Silvercatowner · 08/02/2020 13:17

I eventually gave in and asked my husband to stop eating mints (he mainlined them) when I was pregnant. Because he's a lovely person he didn't touch mints at home for the rest of my pregnancy. OP - ask him. A kind person wouldn't hesitate.

(Just to mention though.... when I was diagnosed coeliac 10 years ago, my aversion to bread smells was one peice of a jigsaw that made me think 'yes, that fits'.....)

Princessfaffalot · 08/02/2020 13:18

And for the virtue signaller who said that’s controlling...it’s not.

ImGoingSlightlyBrad · 08/02/2020 13:18

What half decent partner wouldn't hold off on the marmite for 3 months if it was making their pregnant partner feel ill?

It seems like such a small inconvenience for someone who is carrying your child.

Tell him! Smile

cakeandchampagne · 08/02/2020 13:19

He could easily have a different breakfast for a few months. I hope he would want to do that for you.

MRex · 08/02/2020 13:20

It's only 3 more months, just ask him to eat something else. It might be that you'll be craving toast in a few weeks and hating the otherwise innocuous smell of melons (I didn't notice they even had a scent until a random point in pregnancy, weirdly DS still hates melon).

Bringringbring · 08/02/2020 13:23

Op - it really doesn’t bode well that you don’t feel you can say to your husband, father is your unborn child “hate to ask - but any chance a less “fragrant” breakfast as this pregnancy has made me so smell sensitive”. And any man worth a dime would not hesitate to agree

QuimReaper · 08/02/2020 13:25

It's only a pregnancy thing, just ask him to have crumpets instead for a bit - crumpets don't smell of anything. Or buy nice fresh rolls that he can Marmite up without toasting.

EngagedAgain · 08/02/2020 13:25

I get this, because although it's been a long time since I was pregnant, I went through a patch of it whilst going through the change, and it was only at breakfast time. Some of it was the food OH ate and some was his anti-perspirent? (Sp), which actually drifted downstairs. He's very liberal with using it which didn't help. Also, he didn't take any notice of my request ☹️, so hopefully you'll have more luck with yours, so do ask him. Thankfully that time has finished. Lasted 6-12 months roughly.

MrsPelligrinoPetrichor · 08/02/2020 13:26

I still remember puking at the smell of dh's aerosol deodorant when I was pregnant,omg the SMELLShock yuck, I feel sick thinking about it now and that was 20 years ago nearly !

sassbott · 08/02/2020 13:26

Oh dear! I’m sorry to say that toast is one of my favourite things! If someone said the smell makes me feel sick I’d be gutted. And probably start making it in the garage/ garden!

I don’t think YABU but is there anything you can do? Remove yourself from the kitchen? I empathise as I completely hated the smell of bananas when pregnant. The problem is a lot of people eat bananas. Especially in public/ on trains. I had to suck it up because I could hardly tell colleagues/ strangers to stop eating a banana.

kateandme · 08/02/2020 13:26

you have my sympathy op.my dad does the exact same and has done since i can remember! my mum hates it and still shuts all the doors when his coffee pot turns on.
could you just talk to him.explain.not in a confrontational or smippy way.just calmy tell him what you have here.its only for a little while.

QuimReaper · 08/02/2020 13:27

@Bringringbring I can understand why she feels hesitant to say it when it's toast, as that's not a smell anyone objects to. I think she'd feel justified if he were eating smoked eels or something!

But OP you're not being unreasonable, you're just being pregnant, and if you can't stand the smell, you can't stand the smell. In a grillion years it won't occur to him that it's bothering you unless you tell him, so just tell him.

Angelf1sh · 08/02/2020 13:30

Presumably it’s the marmite that’s the problem? I’d just ask him to have peanut or jam for the next three weeks because marmite is a strong smell and it’s making you a bit queasy. It’s hardly a big deal. If it’s the coffee, you’re probably going to have to get over it because you’ll smell that in loads of places.

Tricorne · 08/02/2020 13:31

You are not alone! The smell of toast used to make me retch! I used to have to walk past a sandwich shop on my way to work that sold it in the mornings and I had to change my route it was so bad.

So strange. I was the same with the smell and feel of raw meat for a while too, but that made more sense to me than the toast thing!

Just ask him if he'd mind swapping to bread or cereal for a while. It's not forever.

messolini9 · 08/02/2020 13:31

None of us here can help you OP, because we don't eat breakfast in your house.

I don't understand how you can be 28 weeks pregnant by a man who you are simultaneously unable to discuss breakfast preferences with.

Have you tried ... TALKING to him about it?
What is stopping you from talking to him about it?
He put this baby inside you. The same baby that is now making you feel sick at the smell of marmite & coffee. What on EARTH is the matter with him that you feel unable to say so?

Congratulations on your pregnancy btw Flowers
& apologies for being so brusque. I'm just seeing far too many threads atm posted by people who are unable to ask perfectly normal things of their closest friends or relatives, & post here - I dunno - in the hope that some magical solution will be discovered that doesn't involve verbal communication?

Bringringbring · 08/02/2020 13:31

* @Bringringbring I can understand why she feels hesitant to say it when it's toast, as that's not a smell anyone objects to*

Confused. But the OP is objecting to it, and as his wife and carrying his baby.... it is irrelevant as to whether the smell is a “mainstream” smelly smell!

fedupandlookingforchange · 08/02/2020 13:31

When I was pregnant with DS, DH had to cook his breakfast on the bbq and eat it outside because I couldn't stand the smell of bacon and eggs!

He was quite happy to do this.

Smartanimal · 08/02/2020 13:34

Seriously? By the title I thought he had the bad breath of a hippopotamus.