To say it’s us or the dog

[Totallyfedupnow]

My mother is visiting for a few days and has brought her dog, which is an 8 year old rescue dog. While I was out, the dog jumped up and attacked my TV, knocking it off the low table it sits on. In the process the screen was badly fractured, the TV no longer works and is most likely unrepairable. The TV is almost new (only about eight months old) and no, not insured, and yes, it’s the only TV we’ve got. Apparently there was a penguin on TV that the dog didn’t like and he just went for it.
This is bad enough. But as it’s got older the dog has started getting spooked more and more often, and every so often it will take exception to something inoffensive my son (aged 6) does (like standing up or coming into a room) and go for him too. Last time it bit him on the shoulder (lightly) and frightened him badly. At Christmas it got spooked by my niece (aged 7) when she and my son were playing with toys on the carpet and went for her. It has also bitten the back of my calf as I left a room. So far no blood has been drawn but it is frightening and who knows if or when the bites will become more serious. And now I’ve just lost our TV.

The trouble is my mother is devoted to her dog, and always finds an excuse for why he was “provoked” (at Christmas my sister was blamed for letting the children play with their Christmas presents on the floor....). She now has a crate at her house which she puts the dog in when visitors come, but I don’t have room to store a crate in my home. I think we are now at the stage where I am
going to have to say, if you visit us you have to leave the dog with a sitter. My mother is not going to like that AT ALL as she is devoted to both my son and the dog, sitters are expensive, and she is a pensioner. Aibu?

100% YANBU. She can get a dog sitter.

We have cats so it's an impossibility that a dog can ever stay here and people always manage to sort their pets out.

I'm not suggesting you get a cat if you don't want one. But if you do want one then it'll be an easy excuse!

It wouldn't be allowed in my house. It could a) stay at hers b) stay in the car c) be tied up in the garden in suitable weather
Me and my children and more important than a dog.

Can’t believe this is even a question. My sisters dog bit my son. We will never visit my sisters house again. I love her, and her family but my number 1 role above all others is to keep my children safe. No ifs ands or buts.

Why cant she leave the dog at home in his crate? This sort of behaviour is dangerous and can often escalate ! What if he bit one of the DC on their cheek /lip? I dont want to alarm you but it could happen .Tell DM a very firm NO and he is not welcome at your house ! BTW I love dogs and have a Dal of my own .but this sort of behaviour is well out of order

No no no no no. That dog must not be exposed to any more children ever until it’s had serious behavioural work. I say this as the owner of a dog who bit my son (same bites as you’re describing: not drawing blood, basically an escalation from growling as the toddler didn’t respond to that signal). We IMMEDIATELY got a dog behaviourist in and recognised that we might need to rehome (we didn’t; the behaviourist showed us how to give the dog space and we’ve been gradually building up positive interactions. We still regularly separate them when the dog’s clearly not enjoying the child’s attentions.) It was bloody expensive but it was that or rehome or potentially even destroy the dog (or endanger our child, which wasn’t even an option). This is going to escalate and result in the dog being destroyed - and possibly life-changing injuries for some innocent passer-by or guest to your mum’s home. This dog bit you on the calf, so you must have been walking away from it at the time. Very worrying that it still perceived you as enough of a threat to need biting.

Also: you have a pet, you pay for the damage it does to other people’s property. Without even being asked.

Total dog lover and rescue dog owner here. No way should you have the dog stay when you have young children.

My MIL's dog ("oh he's fine - wouldn't hurt a fly") snapped at ds's face when he was about 18 months old. We never saw the dog again because he went to local kennels every time we went to stay thereafter. Simply not worth the risk.

Perhaps point out to your dm that the dog's behaviour is a sign of stress and anxiety so it would be kinder to leave him in a more relaxed environment with a sitter.

Well one day it’s going to be your child’s face it bites.... what then? Who would actually be to blame at that point?

You or your mother?

Can't believe you're being so lax about this, tragedy waiting to happen....

And surely your dm is going to replace the tv if you don't have contents insurance?

If you haven't grown up with dogs, op, your mother might have convinced that this is how dogs behave, it's not. We have exactly the same issue with my PIL. They are not dog people, but they bought a puppy in their retirement and they really have no idea. They bought it from a really dodgy sounding woman (they didn't see the mother) and their dog was the smallest of the litter.

The dog is aggressive towards children/strangers, barks all the time, goes on sofas and beds, has no recall, does not walk to heel, but all over people's front gardens. It's excruciatingly embarrassing to go out with them. The dog has been banned from family occasions by all their DCs, which has caused big dramas.

You and your sibling need to stand together on the dog not being welcome.

YABU only in that you have taken to after the 3rd bite to consider banning the dog! As the parent you are meant to be safeguarding your children, this is not happening at the moment. Either get a crate that folds down flat (easy to get online) or get a muzzle if you don't want to go down the route of total ban.

Agree that the dog (and your mum) need to work with a behaviourist. Agreed re the soft muzzle.

If it is spooking more now it is getting older, has the dog been checked by a vet? It may be poorly or going blind. Not condoning the biting obviously as that is a hell of a worry - but it could be a contributing factor?

Tell your Mum today that the dog has to go and that it is permanently banned from your house. Tell her that this is non-negotiable because if she refuses then you will make a police report and tell them that it has attacked you and both of your children on previous occasions. She also needs to pay for a replacement for the TV.

I say this as a dog lover and with two of my own.

I'm baffled why anyone would ask IABU about this? Pretty obvious

For the people recommending soft muzzles... they’re for short use only, things like vet visits, not for wearing for anything longer, they don’t allow dogs mouths to open fully which means they can’t pant and can overheat.

Why isn't she paying for a new TV for you?

Of course you're not being unreasonable.

Basket muzzle or piss off. Those would be be suggestions.

It is incredibly irresponsible of you to allow a dog around your children that has a history of erratic and dangerous behaviour. You should never have allowed that dog around them again after the first incident

She needs to replace your tv

She cannot bring the dog to your house any more.

Don't make it a big fuss full of excuses, just state the fact that the dog is no longer welcome, the end.

‘Mum, as a parent I have to keep DS safe. I can’t have your dog in our house any more. I’m sure you understand that I can’t risk any further biting or damage’

Ignore any excuses, arguments or tears. ‘I’m not changing my mind. DS is my priority’

Can’t she muzzle it? I’m more surprised you allowed it back in your home after biting people (especially children) than anything. YANBU. What if next time it bites someone’s face?!
I’d of refused after the first bite, she can get a sitter surely? I’d also charge her for a new TV.

I think you need to give yourself a good talking to OP. It is for you to step up and protect your children. Your OP sounds as if the TV is more of a big deal than the dog biting your son and niece. You don't have to go along with you mother's ridiculous minimising and stupidity you know.

@tabulahrasa

Sorry - My mistake re soft muzzle. We had two basket muzzles for our old rescue - one very rigid and one a lot softer.
Not the fabric type muzzle.

Apologies for any confusion.

I said back then that it wasn’t safe around kids but my mother basically ignored me and carried on as if nothing happened.

Your mum can ignore all she wants but it’s up to you who comes into your house?

Except you’ve let your mum decide, not you? Why would you do that??

Is your mum going to decide it’s fine if the dog attacks your child and puts him in hospital? I’m sure, ‘but my mum said it was fine, even though it has happened before’ will go down really well with the doctors and nurses in A+E. I’m sure the social services won’t investigate it any further either-as long as they’ve got your mum’s word it’s all fine.’

Take some responsibility ffs.

You aren't being a good mother by allowing a dog that has a history of biting, anywhere near your children other children/you/other people