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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To say it’s us or the dog

132 replies

Totallyfedupnow · 07/02/2020 23:46

My mother is visiting for a few days and has brought her dog, which is an 8 year old rescue dog. While I was out, the dog jumped up and attacked my TV, knocking it off the low table it sits on. In the process the screen was badly fractured, the TV no longer works and is most likely unrepairable. The TV is almost new (only about eight months old) and no, not insured, and yes, it’s the only TV we’ve got. Apparently there was a penguin on TV that the dog didn’t like and he just went for it.
This is bad enough. But as it’s got older the dog has started getting spooked more and more often, and every so often it will take exception to something inoffensive my son (aged 6) does (like standing up or coming into a room) and go for him too. Last time it bit him on the shoulder (lightly) and frightened him badly. At Christmas it got spooked by my niece (aged 7) when she and my son were playing with toys on the carpet and went for her. It has also bitten the back of my calf as I left a room. So far no blood has been drawn but it is frightening and who knows if or when the bites will become more serious. And now I’ve just lost our TV.

The trouble is my mother is devoted to her dog, and always finds an excuse for why he was “provoked” (at Christmas my sister was blamed for letting the children play with their Christmas presents on the floor....). She now has a crate at her house which she puts the dog in when visitors come, but I don’t have room to store a crate in my home. I think we are now at the stage where I am
going to have to say, if you visit us you have to leave the dog with a sitter. My mother is not going to like that AT ALL as she is devoted to both my son and the dog, sitters are expensive, and she is a pensioner. Aibu?

OP posts:
Applesandpears23 · 08/02/2020 04:07

I am wondering if you are trusting your mother to make the best decision and trying to convince her to agree the dog is a danger to your children. You seem reluctant to decide that you know what is best for your children. You are allowed to protect your children even from your own mother if her decisions are putting them at risk. Would you allow her to drink and drive with the children in the car? This is a safety issue too.

AJPTaylor · 08/02/2020 04:11

You and your sister need to be a united front. It has bitten children twice.

HoppingPavlova · 08/02/2020 04:34

Last time it bit him on the shoulder (lightly) and frightened him badly. At Christmas it got spooked by my niece (aged 7) when she and my son were playing with toys on the carpet and went for her. It has also bitten the back of my calf

So after this happening you let the dog come back? Quite frankly I would think this is an issue for social services.

Also, your post leads with the tv being broken with the children and yourself being bitten as an afterthought to try and justify your position Confused. Bloody hell.

Didshereally · 08/02/2020 04:50

Your DM is making excuses for her dog. Don't rely on her. She's letting her dig damage your house and bite you and her grandchildren. Time to set boundaries, dog doesn't come to your or SIL's house! She's welcome but not jumpy-bitey-dog. If that means she's sulks and doesn't visit, so be it. You'll have to meet up elsewhere. She'll get used to it or take the trouble to take training class with dog. She has no reason to change at the moment as you haven't drawn the line. Definitely do a united front with SIL.

Stephminx · 08/02/2020 05:47

Child comes first. Always.

This dog needs to be trained Ed yo kit bite people and kept under control in circumstances likely to trigger anxiety / aggressive behaviour etc.,, your mother sounds like a very irresponsible owner,

NearlyGranny · 08/02/2020 05:55

Ban the dog! Be really clear that it can't come in your home again.

And let your DM see the broken TV just sitting there and hear everyone's thoughts about doing without it, too. She should have offered to replace it even if you declined.

tabulahrasa · 08/02/2020 06:08

Well if she’s not bothered about the people being bitten, point out that the dog is really stressed and frightened to be biting and it won’t be doing much good for it’s heart condition...

So she needs to either stop causing it stress by putting it in those positions or train it so it’s not stressed.

She’s actually being quite cruel to the dog to keep putting it in situations it’s not happy in tbh... I mean obviously it’s a bigger issue that it’s biting people, but clearly she’s not bothered by that...

BahMooQuack · 08/02/2020 06:13

Your responsibility is to your child.

You are currently prioritisiing not upsetting a GROWN ADULT over the safety of your child.

Do not do that.

Tell you mother straight. If she gets upset then AS A FUNCTIONING ADULT it is her responsibility to get over it. Your own children are not safe in their own home because of your mother's dog.

I think your priorities need to be clear.

LolaSmiles · 08/02/2020 06:18

She's had the dog for 6 years and hasn't trained it or had a behaviourist in and allows it to bite children and destroy property.
You mum is not a responsible dog owner.

YANBU about this.

BahMooQuack · 08/02/2020 06:22

I agree. To say 'Oh it is a rescue' as an excuse when she has had the dog since a puppy is a bloody joke.

clearsommespace · 08/02/2020 06:23

YANBU.
Also, could your mother claim on her civil liability insurance for the broken TV (if she can't afford to replace it)?

Sharonthetotallyinsane · 08/02/2020 06:45

Can’t believe you’ve let it back at all to be honest.

adaline · 08/02/2020 06:48

The dog has bit both your children and yourself, but the thing that's pissed you off is him damaging your TV? Hmm

GrimpenMire · 08/02/2020 06:49

I've had loads of dogs and no way would I tolerate that. you now have a broken telly too. Bollocks to that. She should be really apologising, sorting stuff out and recognising the dog is an untrained nightmare.

frumpety · 08/02/2020 06:52

This situation isn't any good for anyone involved. Your children have no choice in the matter though and if they are at risk of being bitten then you as the adult need to protect them.
There are two choices that could work, one the dog isn't allowed back in the house, this is the simplest or two your Mother puts in a bit of effort and muzzle trains the dog and it wears it when it visits.
How long does your Mother visit with the dog for ? hours or days ?

StrongTea · 08/02/2020 06:56

You can get a crate from facebook marketplace cheaply, they fold flat and slide under a bed. Safer for everyone.

10FrozenFingers · 08/02/2020 07:00

Ban it.

Vanhi · 08/02/2020 07:01

I find it really weird that you start by describing damage to the TV and then talk about your kids being bitten. Maybe that's just because the TV was the most recent thing!

Anyway. Your mother, having had the dog almost 7 years, since it was a young dog, needs to have managed it better. That she hasn't means your children are at risk. I'd ban the dog unless she brings the crate with her and works to retrain him and manage him as best she can. I'd help facilitate this as much as I could, but there's no way the dog should be allowed back without changes. Your TV is replaceable, your children aren't.

And I'm not sure if the crate is a good thing for the dog. Good for keeping him separate, but do they help behaviour? Not sure.

MsPepperPotts · 08/02/2020 07:02

There's no way the dog should be around children
You mum needs to go back home with her dog asap
Don't let her bring the dog again it's dangerous and she does not have the skills or the knowledge to handle a dog with these types of problems.

QueenOfCatan · 08/02/2020 07:03

There is no way a dog like that would be coming into my home, crate or not. You need to put your kids safety first and tell her that it isn't welcome anymore as it bites.

MsPepperPotts · 08/02/2020 07:07

Oh just seen she had the dog 6years!
She definitely has absolutely no idea how to handle/train dogs.
What's worse is that she thinks it's fine for it to bite her grandchildren and you.

Sparkletastic · 08/02/2020 07:11

The dog must not be around children and should be muzzled in public as it is clearly reacting badly to any situations it finds stressful. She needs to see a dog behaviourist with it for training. Does she exercise the dog sufficiently? Perhaps not being able to see so much of her family will focus her mind on being a better dog owner. I say this as the proud owner of a rescue who wouldn't harm a fly.

TropicPlunder · 08/02/2020 07:16

My dog has never bitten. But I never let her loose when we have kids in the house. She's perfect with my 6 year old, but wary of other kids in confined spaces, not outdoors.
This dog has bitten all of you, when you were not interacting with it. It definitely should not come to your home again, and your mum should probably get advice from a behaviourist. If this happened out on a walk, the dog could be put to sleep....from what you've said, it doesn't seem like your mum realises this.

frumpety · 08/02/2020 07:16

Does your Mum see the bites as 'playful nips' as in the skin isn't actually broken ? Or has it left teeth marks , punctured the skin ? Is she thinking the dog is just over stimulated/excited or aggressive ?
Speaks volumes that she crates him in her own home when she has visitors over, perhaps her friends are less tolerant of being bitten ?

MeridianB · 08/02/2020 07:22

Ban your mother for her appalling casual dismissal of her grandson being bitten and then the dog issue disappears.

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