White people and racism - Slightly drunk AIBU

[Keanuismine]

Hello MN! I have Name changed like a MN pro for this so no one can possibly guess my secret identity mwahahahaha

So, I have been in the pub tonight and had an experience that, together with 2 other experiences in the last month have made me think. me and my brother are very interested in your opinions.

I am a mixed race woman - heritage mum white Northern British, Dad mixed race Jamaican Rastafarian. I look white(ish), some of my 17 siblings less so. We're a mixed bunch. Anyhow, I was accused of racism tonight and my SIL (mixed race Indian/white) a month ago. SIL is married to DB who is mixed race like me. On Chinese NY I was out with my friend who is ethnically Thai (but Northern British) was accused of makign excuses for Cultural Misappropriation. We are all bewildered so I am asking MN for opinions. AIBU to say this incidents are NOT IN ANY WAY racist.

1. First in incident SIL calls her son -who is 1/2 white, 1/4 Indian. 1/4 black a cheeky little money because he kept running up to her in the park and sticking his tongue out at her (he is 3). A white man with no children with him marched over and scolded her for using a 'racist term' and advised her she was 'doing untold damage to his self esteem" and it "would be seen as racist". She said 'I'm his mum" and he replied "Are you now?" and took a photo of her before walking off. WTF!
2. Ethnically Thai friend watching the parade and the man in front said to her in a stage whisper "Look some of those people in the Lion are not even Chinese!!" she laughed and said "I reckon all of them are Mancunian to be honest mate" and he replied "you might think cultural misappropriation is acceptable but some of us are not racists" and stormed off glaring at her. WTF!
3. Tonight in the pub DB and I were drinking rum and ginger ale and having a catch up and he did a hilarious impression of our dad which was genuinely very funny (he is watching me type this!) and I joined in and was speaking patois which is my dads main language he speaks - and will only speak in his old age, and we all grew up in Jamaica so in many ways its our first language and its so fun to speak and....... Anyway, after a couple of minutes DB went to the bar and a woman sat next to me (we were sharing a table as it was so busy), told me that DB wouldn't appreciate my behaviour and I was being racist by imitating him. I said "he's my brother" and she replied "Hmmm you need to think" and get up and left. WTF? My DB and I were flabbergasted.

So, are we bigots? Why are white people suddenly telling us we are racists? Wtf MN? AIBU to say this is crazy.

We have rum, ginger beer and are sat awaiting your response.

DB wants me to add Jah bless here but I am chickening out

Really, you don't understand the comments they made? Really? I doubt that.

I have a biracial child and I know that little bit of pleasure one gets when saying, "Uh, he's my son," or "They're brothers." I don't know where that comes from but I can see you share it.

I don't think there's anything wrong with what those people were saying to you. I'm glad people speak up when they see what they think is racism.

Here's one that drives me batty...in the US every person with dark skin is called african-american....I want to scream...

This really grates on me too.

Slavery and all so they don't know their ancrstory etc.

But mixing a nationality and and ethnicity to form an ethnicity that you may not belong to? Can't get my head around it.

If I went to the US I'd be referred to as African American. I'm neither.

Also sick of the "I have a biracial child so I'm allowed to comment" crap

"Also sick of the "I have a biracial child so I'm allowed to comment" crap"

WTF??

@NotALurker2 Wtf? Why wtf?
A) you don't need to have a child of mixed heritage to have or state an opinion.
B) just because you have a child of mixed heritage it does not mean you will ever understand what we go through.

Never let dc play with phone whilst on mumsnet. Lovely namechsnge

Were these white woke people attempting to tell you off about enjoying nuances of your own varied culture? How rude and presumptive of them...

No you are not bigots or racists and the world has gone a little bit mad.

Plenty of white people born and brought up in Jamaica also speak with a Jamaican accent and they are not culturally appropriating anything. It’s their accent as much as a black Jamaican’s.

PS. SEVENTEEN siblings? 😱 Didn’t they have telly in Jamaica back then?

Im going to assume (and hope for her sake) they were not all birthed by your mother and that your dad, in true Jamaican style, has put it about a bit with more than one other baby momma.

Someone will inevitably tell me that’s racist, but tell me I’m not bang on with that assumption. 🤷‍♀️

Cultural misappropriation is the new trigger phrase. People are carrying it to extremes, in my opinion.
Don't mix cut-up wieners in your spaghetti sauce. It is an insult to Italian cuisine. Same with pineapple on pizza.
Don't wear a striped wool poncho unless you are from Central or South America. It is a native costume.
Don't name your children Rome or India or Kenya or Leilani unless you can trace your DNA to those regions.
If you are Caucasian you must eat only white bread and name your children Chester and Rowena so as not to offend anyone..

Personally I think that it's nice that so many white people are calling out behaviour that isnt acceptable. If its not ok for white people to do then it's not alright for anyone to do. Mocking someone's accent etc. Just think about what you're doing in public.

my friends son was hurt and started singing a maori verse like his dad does when he gets injured.puce teacher came over and he got a massive telling off.he exlplained how he was samoan and this is what his dad did to help.
"you dont look samoan. how dare you,have some respect"
his dad came to pick him up.i would have loved to see her face when a huge man stooped into her classroom.(he litereally looks like the rocks brother!)

Beautiful 🤦‍♀️ Read the OP again but this time a bit more carefully.

i love it when familys do what you did op.i love hearing that accent.its like when lenny henry or gina yashere does there family.

im glad people are trying.but there are ways to go about it.and what the op says these are the ones that aim such venom at your whilst doing it.or with a smug or crass vendeta.you can be trying to stick up for minority and doing good but gently.or tactfully.(of course there are racist twats who i will happily here someone scream at)there is no excuse for it.

It must be such hard work to always be on the look out for something to be offended by.

Why can't people appreciate a culture without being accused of appropriating it? In my experience, people from other cultures living away from home love an opportunity to share their culture with others. How is that wrong of me to celebrate something that important to my friends just because it's not from my culture?

The OP doesn’t look black enough to be afforded the same privileges of being able to find humour in her own cultural background as Gina Yashere and Lenny Henry do, obviously.

Personally I think that it's nice that so many white people are calling out behaviour that isnt acceptable.

Dare I say, I bet they’d be a lot less likely to have a go at a man. In these examples they’re all calling out women for perceived misbehaviour.

Be more assertive and tell them to fuck off. I'm all for calling out racist abuse but people need to be told when they've got it wrong as well. Especially mansplainers, they need to be thoroughly humiliated and learn when to shut the fuck up.

And in case any are lurking on here, if you are in any doubt as to when to shut the fuck up, if you ask yourself whether you'd be so brave as to make the comment to a man, or even to an older woman, and you wouldn't, that's when.

Personally I think that it's nice that so many white people are calling out behaviour that isnt acceptable.

What was unacceptable about the cases the OP mentioned.

I think this zealotry over cultural misappropriation is arguably itself racist. Essentially it is ‘othering’ people of different ethnic backgrounds by demanding that their culture isn’t shared or enjoyed by others, but rather regarded from afar as exotic or quaint.

Sounds like you have had a bad run of bumping into a few pillocks who think the world needs their misplaced woke wisdom. They are try hards who don’t know what they’re on about. Of course you aren’t racist.

My DS (white) is a very cheeky monkey. They talked about Chinese New year at his preschool and he was thrilled that he is the year of the monkey and his sister is the year of the pig!

In my many-decades memory people have often called 100% white children cheeky monkeys! It was never a racist term, but I dare say the repulsive behaviour of some football fans to non-white players has changed perceptions.

Plus of course the fact of so many people now looking for something to get offended/outraged about.

This is the problem with people deciding that it's ok for certain ethnic groups to use certain words, but it's not ok for others. Unless you know someone really well you have no idea what their cultural heritage is. You don't even know their ethnicity - you make a guess based on their skin colour and facial features/hair type etc. These guesses are often wrong, as is evidenced by your OP.

It's all ridiculous nonsense.

My personal view is, as a white person, it isn't my place to decide on behalf of a person from a BME background what is or isn't racist towards their culture. If I overheard a black person calling an Asian person the 'P' word, or vice versa with the 'N' word, I'd challenge them for racism. Because that person is being offensive on grounds of race towards another ethnicity. However, I teach Drama and many of my kids will use their parents or grandparents accent when creating a character. I can't tell 'Cameron' his skit as his Glaswegian grandad is fine but not allow 'Romesh' to do his Indian Grandad impression. I wouldn't allow Cameron to do the 'Indian Grandad' character though.
I think, personally, the biggest most hurtful insult someone could levy at me is 'you are racist.' I am not and never have been. It goes against my very being - I'm a bleeding heart hippy liberal and proud of it. I grew up poor, alongside black and Asian kids who were poor too. We were bonded together by our social class and we were all the same. At least, that's how it FELT to me. I genuinly never saw colour and, when I was growing up I thought that was a good thing. As I've got older, I've realised that my white privilege means I've never had to see colour - I've never been persecuted because of my skin colour like some of my friends were. I'd see people treat me and my friends differently and just think 'what's her problem with Jade?' It didnt occur to me that the issue was that Jade was black. I was ignorant really, although I didnt mean to be. As a white woman who teaches young people, I need to be aware of the ethnicity of the kids I teach. I call my own kids 'cheeky monkey' and it is innocent- but I would be out of order calling one of my BME pupils a cheeky monkey - because whilst I may use it in exactly the same silly, affectionate way I use it with my own children, that kids experience of having 'oooo oooo oooo' chanted at him as he walks through the town centre just because he is black, means that he is going to be hurt by it. I think some people have woken up to this and some white people can be over zealous in trying to challenge 'racism' where there is none in order to appear woke. It's all very good on the surface, but doesn't actually fix the issue and, instead deepens the gulf. I'd be pretty pissed off if I was you.