Telling another child off

[MamaD90]

So today i took my 8 month old baby to playgroup where there is a 16mnth old boy who is know to be pretty boisterous. Anyway my baby and her little friend were playing on the mat with some toys (it was just them on the floor as most mums had gone home by this point) and this little boy comes over and slams down a wooden toy which landed about 30cm away from the babies. His mum just laughed (she is VERY relaxed on any for of discipline) and then he picked it up to do it again and as it went down it was so close to the babies it actually frightened mine and she started to wimper. I immediately put my hand on the toy and said very firmly that toys are not to be thrown and especially not around babies as it cohld hurt them. He took it well and went to his mum who said "its ok you didnt hurt her" and then started throwing wooden bricks which started him off again! I sighed quite loudly and moved my baby away and she then got up and left with her boy quite quickly. I feel bad for upsetting her but i felt thw babies were unsafe and she clearly wasnt going to ask her son to stop. Did i overreact??

The thing is, with an 8 month old a 16 month old probably seems big. But it isn't, they are still a tiny child.

You were fine to put your hand out to keep your own dc safe, and fine to direct another young child away from your dc, but I think you are unreasonable to be focused of discipline for another baby.

Much better to put your hand out, say something gentle like " Let's be careful, sweetheart." rather than something sharp that sounds like telling him off.

In a few months your dc will be the one with the blocks, and I guarantee you won't want other parents to be harsh and unkind to them.

Nope - you were fine - I'm with you on this one!

I second what stompy says, when you have a baby toddlers seem like boisterous little pains that throw and run around and you are basically on high alert when they get close to your baby, but when you have one you kind of realise that they still have much the same mentality of babies but they are just much stronger, energetic and more mobile. 100% right to take the toy away, but I wouldnt have told off a 16 month old. The mum should have intervened though and taken the toddler away.

YANBU. I’d never let my child behave like that.

Like a PP said no point disciplining another child, at 15 months old he's just a baby too. That said it's fine to stop him throwing toys around.

I’m with you, too @MamaD90. He needs checking and at 16 months has the capacity to know what ‘no’ means. He obviously understood you.

Only it sounds like his mother can’t be arsed to apply it and undid you’re fair at discipline.

If he’d slammed the wooden toy and it had clouted your baby in the face, I wonder how she’d have acted then.

I usually post what Stompythedinosaur posted and just wait until you see the older kids climbing up the slide the wrong way, while your sweet baby wants to go down they're like maniacs!! Animals! Then your own kid starts to do it, too... But in this case I don't think you were being unreasonable. Even though it was age-appropriate, the other mother should have corrected that behavior. You were right to step in. I would have.

What makes you think you might have overreacted in some way?

I agree with stompy.

Mum should have been supervising more closely, but you can't tell a 16 month off like that! He wasn't being naughty.

“Known to be boisterous” he’s 16 months old. 1 year 4 months. A baby.
Taking the toy away was fine, and generally I’m in the camp of it’s fine to call out other children’s they’re misbehaving but you overreacted here. Telling him off was pointless, and you seem the think that he has a lot more ability to understand than he actually will at that age. He wasn’t malicious or trying to hurt your child, he is a baby himself.

“Known to be boisterous” he’s 16 months old. 1 year 4 months. A baby.
Taking the toy away was fine, and generally I’m in the camp of it’s fine to call out other children’s they’re misbehaving but you overreacted here. Telling him off was pointless, and you seem the think that he has a lot more ability to understand than he actually will at that age. He wasn’t malicious or trying to hurt your child, he is a baby himself.

You weren't unreasonable to prevent your baby from getting hurt. Is it your first baby? I remember hating toddlers when DD1 was a baby they seemed so much bigger and well "bratty". Then she became one and I had another DD and my perspective shifted somewhat!

I still wouldn't tolerate behavior like that but I understand it's age appropriate and so a simple, gentle, "no throwing" and redirection is all that's usually required. His mum sounds annoyingly permissive though!

I immediately put my hand on the toy and said very firmly that toys are not to be thrown and especially not around babies as it cohld hurt them.

I wouldn't call that ^^ a 'telling off', but I agree it's a pointless thing to say to a baby.

"No", would've been quicker and more effective.

You weren't unreasonable to prevent your baby from getting hurt. Is it your first baby? I remember hating toddlers when DD1 was a baby they seemed so much bigger and well "bratty". Then she became one and I had another DD and my perspective shifted somewhat!

I still wouldn't tolerate behavior like that but I understand it's age appropriate and so a simple, gentle, "no throwing" and redirection is all that's usually required. His mum sounds annoyingly permissive though!

It's pretty normal behaviour from a toddler but obviously not to be encouraged. Shit parenting on the mother's part.

I would do the same thing. Hopefully the mum heard and realised not everyone appreciates her 16 month old throwing things! Toddlers are horrors but it's more about the parents reaction!

A 16 month old is as much a baby as your baby .Yes he is double the size but he is still very much a baby. If I had been that mum I would have been watching more closely but I would have expected other mothers with baby's to have some tolerance for normal baby behaviour. He wouldn't have had any malice in his actions. He also wouldn't have understood your long winded sentence any more than your baby. Give it 8 months, hopefully you will have gained some knowledge of baby development and a bucket load of tolerance and patience by then because if these are your expectations of understanding and behaviour of a 16 month old baby you are in for a huge shock and learning g curve.

YANBU.

It's pretty normal behaviour from a toddler but obviously not to be encouraged. Shit parenting on the mother's part.

His mum just laughed (she is VERY relaxed on any for of discipline)

Huh? He’s a baby. I’d hope she’s relaxed about discipline!

Anyway, you didn’t tell him, you told him no incase he hurt one of the other babies and he was fine with it. I say this as the mother of older children (one PFB and one “boisterous 2nd born) but for your own sake chill out a little about how other parents do things. A few months from now someone might come on AIBU talking about your baby acting in a “boisterous” way.

What Stompy said in the first reply.
I voted that as being YANBU because, your weren't unreasonable to intervene. However, it is a bit confusing as "tell them off" i a bit of a subjective term.
He wasn't told off but he was 'guided' or 'helped to learn" which is exactly right - he is still toddler himself learning how to negotiate the world, and you helped him with that

Isn’t a 16 month old still a baby themselves?

Yes they can be boisterous, but they don’t do anything on purpose, they really are just babies.

Obviously the mother should be watching her baby, but the way you describe him is as if he is an older child of maybe 4 or 5 who understands his actions.

As your baby gets older you’ll realise how very little a 16 month old is. Hopefully other parents won’t judge you or your dd harshly when she’s crashing around near younger babies.

The Mum started throwing bricks? Have I read that right?

16 months old is still very young. I would not be happy if you spoke to my child like that.
Good luck with toddlerhood!

YANBU and the fact that people are saying you should be gentle rather than firm are the reason that kids don't know if they're coming or going. As far as I'm concerned if one of my kids isn't behaving properly then I am happy for another grown up to discipline them,
On MN people are always saying how toddler don't know what they're doing when they bite/push etc. However I think they need to be told no firmly otherwise they'll never learn. Neither of mine ever pushed or bit or kicked another child.
Good luck with getting the Mum to sort him out - sounds like she's just as bad throwing bricks about!

People should either guide their own children on how to behave or expect that other people will do it for them.