Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Telling another child off

92 replies

MamaD90 · 06/02/2020 17:21

So today i took my 8 month old baby to playgroup where there is a 16mnth old boy who is know to be pretty boisterous. Anyway my baby and her little friend were playing on the mat with some toys (it was just them on the floor as most mums had gone home by this point) and this little boy comes over and slams down a wooden toy which landed about 30cm away from the babies. His mum just laughed (she is VERY relaxed on any for of discipline) and then he picked it up to do it again and as it went down it was so close to the babies it actually frightened mine and she started to wimper. I immediately put my hand on the toy and said very firmly that toys are not to be thrown and especially not around babies as it cohld hurt them. He took it well and went to his mum who said "its ok you didnt hurt her" and then started throwing wooden bricks which started him off again! I sighed quite loudly and moved my baby away and she then got up and left with her boy quite quickly. I feel bad for upsetting her but i felt thw babies were unsafe and she clearly wasnt going to ask her son to stop. Did i overreact??

OP posts:
bloodywhitecat · 06/02/2020 19:18

Ignoring all the rest, the mother threw bricks? That's not a great message to give him, poor wee boy.

Bibijayne · 06/02/2020 19:24

As is often the case, the first comment is spot on.

Nonnymum · 06/02/2020 19:24

OP a 16 month old is a baby too. It sounds like normal toddler behaviour really. His mother should probably have distracted him and lived him away from the smaller babies though

Funnyface1 · 06/02/2020 19:29

Yes, he's a baby, 16 months. But his mum isn't 16 months and absolutely should know that she needs to watch him. So even if he didn't understand it doesn't matter because it was more important that his mum heard it.

Yanbu. Can't stand parents who look on adoringly while their child spoils it for everyone else. It's not the child's fault, it's the parents.

MsChatterbox · 06/02/2020 19:35

At that age I would have been by my son, told him "softly" and if he didn't stop redirected him elsewhere. The mother didn't do this so you felt like you had to intervene. However you will realise when your child is 16 months that that boy had no idea what you were on about with that complex sentence. But even so, if my son was the baby in your situation I still would have intervened just by doing what I said in the first sentence instead.

alohamore · 06/02/2020 19:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

fairlyplump · 06/02/2020 20:06

16mnths old a baby, and you expected him to understand that sermon, he didn't understand all that, you could have been a bit kinder, lets see how you feel when yours starts toddling

my2bundles · 06/02/2020 20:10

At 16 months my baby wasn't even walking yet, had around 5 words and lived very much in his own little bubble. He didn't understand that throwing something was dangerous and was boisterous because that's how babies develope. 16 month olds are babies, even the walking ones.

Sceptre86 · 06/02/2020 20:13

My son is 2 and very boisterous, around babies I would follow him constantly or try to draw his attention away from them. He doesn't yet understand that they could get hurt or that doing something similar to the boy you described is naughty so I would need to be on guard.

She should have been supervising him very closely. Yanbu, I would have done the same. However, your lo will be at that age before you know it and you might get a boisterous one too. It's a shame the mums feelings got hurt but I am sure she would have felt worse had one of the babies actually got hurt.

JanuaryJones20 · 06/02/2020 21:12

The mother should be watching more closely especially if there’s real littlies about. However exactly what Stompy said.

Do you really think a 16 month has the cognitive capacity to know that was dangerous, naughty behaviour or to act maliciously?!?

itsgettingweird · 06/02/2020 21:41

Yanbu.

All children need form boundaries from the offset. He may not have meant to hurt a baby or realised he could. But no and stop are fine to say.

Laughing at a young child putting others at risk? At which point do those who say he's a baby himself think the mother should stop doing this? 2,3,4yo?

It's perfectly fine to say no to a child. When my ds was 8months he had a habit of ripping my glasses off my face and throwing them thinking it was hilarious. He was told no and if he carried on or tried again I'd out him down. He soon got the message.

CantKeepSecrets · 06/02/2020 21:44

If you told my 16 month old baby "very firmly" off in that sort of tone , you would have been very firmly told off by me.

You're really talking as if your child's life was in danger , bit dramatic. I agree it can be frustrating when other parents aren't supervising their child and you have to have a little word but for future reference "oh gentle around the little baby's" said with a little smile is a lot more appropriate.

Remember, that will be your child in a mere 8 months. I've watched toddlers tackle each other to the floor over toy cars in playgroups, prepare yourself Grin

Babyg1995 · 06/02/2020 21:49

16 months is still a baby normal behaviour imo his mother should have told him no the first time though .

Strugglingtoquit · 06/02/2020 21:53

stompy had it spot on with the first post.

16 months is still tiny, and he won’t have benefited much from a lecture about putting babies at risk. YANBU to intervene but a simple no would’ve done.

Your PFB will be a toddler in no time and will be boisterous at times, throw toys, be less than gentle around younger children, hit another child, snatch things, and maybe bite. Not that any of these are acceptable, but they are all normal toddler behaviours, because toddlers are just bigger babies who are still learning how to interact with each other. They need age appropriate intervention and redirection to help them learn

ThatsWotSheSaid · 06/02/2020 21:55

Mum should have distracted him or moved him but he’s a baby you shouldn’t have told him off.

Mycatwontstopstaring · 06/02/2020 21:58

Yanbu. Yes the other child is still a toddler. But teaching them good behaviour right from the start is how you get a well behaved child later.

Her kid is likely to be awful by age 4 and she’ll wonder why.

It’s basic maternal instinct to reprimand a child who behaves badly.

converseandjeans · 06/02/2020 23:15

struggling not all toddlers throw, bite and hit. Mine didn't. They need a firm "no".

mantarays · 07/02/2020 06:56

Your PFB will be a toddler in no time and will be boisterous at times, throw toys, be less than gentle around younger children, hit another child, snatch things, and maybe bite.

My child is out of the toddler phase and I haven’t seen any of this behaviour at all. It’s really not inevitable if you teach them how to behave.

PurpleFlower1983 · 07/02/2020 07:01

I have a 12 month old just heading into the toddler stage and YANBU. They understand no at that age and the mother should have stepped in.

EugenesAxe · 07/02/2020 07:09

YANBU but I agree about the talk. Simple for that age is better: “No. You don’t throw.”

Wooden toys can bloody hurt! One kid walloped mine with a hammer around that age.

Damntheman · 07/02/2020 07:17

Wow some of these responses.. It's not pointless to explain things to a child that age. And what OP said was hardly a telling off. I've said similar to mine at that age and younger. OP you were fine, I'd also have that kind of word with a child whose patent was obviously not interested in correcting bad behaviour.

SoVeryLost · 07/02/2020 07:19

Yanbu to say no. His mother throwing the bricks afterwards means that it’ll be pointless and I would stop attending the group with her there.

Mummyzzz044 · 07/02/2020 07:40

It was up to the mother to intervene. I have a nephew similar to that age and hes very boisterous.
If he gets too close to my DD I just say "oh be careful, baby is only little " as I smile and he understands.
I accept that he runs round and can be quite rough with toys, I just sit right next to my DD to make sure, the other day he swung a toy Henry Hoover brush around and I managed to put my hand up to stop it from hitting her, but in no way would I shout at him for this. He is playing and learning how to handle toys and walk without tripping over things. It's not him being naughty. You just have to explain nicely to be careful.

I think you were a little harsh to be honest, you could have said nicely and then if it carried one firmer tone.

namechanger2019 · 07/02/2020 08:04

Is this your pfb? Wait until you have a toddler and we will see what you think then.

crispysausagerolls · 07/02/2020 08:12

What the hell are some posters on? His mother should be preventing this behaviour - even if he’s not old enough to understand, she should make sure he is not harming or close to harming other children.

DS is 18m I would not allow this behaviour. It’s boring and repetitive but you have to keep saying no from the word go otherwise they won’t get it. No wonder there are so many brats around!