Telling another child off

[MamaD90]

So today i took my 8 month old baby to playgroup where there is a 16mnth old boy who is know to be pretty boisterous. Anyway my baby and her little friend were playing on the mat with some toys (it was just them on the floor as most mums had gone home by this point) and this little boy comes over and slams down a wooden toy which landed about 30cm away from the babies. His mum just laughed (she is VERY relaxed on any for of discipline) and then he picked it up to do it again and as it went down it was so close to the babies it actually frightened mine and she started to wimper. I immediately put my hand on the toy and said very firmly that toys are not to be thrown and especially not around babies as it cohld hurt them. He took it well and went to his mum who said "its ok you didnt hurt her" and then started throwing wooden bricks which started him off again! I sighed quite loudly and moved my baby away and she then got up and left with her boy quite quickly. I feel bad for upsetting her but i felt thw babies were unsafe and she clearly wasnt going to ask her son to stop. Did i overreact??

16 months is still very young. Not his fault his mother isn’t teaching him to be careful around babies. His behaviour doesn’t sound out of the norm either. Toddlers chuck things. I would have not told him off.

Once I took Dd to toddler group. A lady had a baby in the middle of the room not even in the baby area. DD wasn’t even walking but crawling around (she didn’t walk until nearly 2). DD crawled up to the baby, not causing any harm or anything just wanted to see her and the mother told my daughter off for going near and PUSHED my daughter away. Not with force but slid her along the floor. She wasn’t being playful either and I didn’t know the woman. Fuming. There is always going to be slightly older children around. My daughter did nothing. I later found out the woman is often on drugs and isn’t great around people. Shouldn’t have had a child herself or took her out where there’s going to be people and children.

If the mother wasn't going to control the child then you had no choice but to do so

This. And 30% of posters on this thread are the ones who make going to softplay etc a living nightmare by not policing their children.

I don’t think a 16 month old can be boisterous really... If the child was two or three you’d have a point but a 16 month old is still basically a baby.

I don’t think the 16 month old had a clue what you were talking about when you told him off fwiw. They understand the word no to an extent but they definitely don’t understand ‘throwing toys is not acceptable behaviour’.

Also one year old’s love throwing things. It isn’t naughty behaviour, they are learning and this is called ‘destructive play’ (knocking bricks down is too). They don’t mean any harm.

Come back when your perfect 8 month old is throwing bricks around, they all do it.

@Urkiddingright

Yes, they all do it. The mother’s job is to ensure her child isn’t throwing things near someone else’s child. If she can’t be bothered to do that, she shouldn’t have a problem with someone trying to get her child to move away/stop doing that.

I agree she should have been monitoring him better and should have removed him from the situation so he didn’t hurt anyone but telling a 16 month old off is a bit far fetched. They don’t understand at that age and are basically babies themselves. If this was a two or three year old the OP would have more of a point but she’s talking about a baby eight months older than her own.

You did nothing wrong, OP.

And I don't know why people you think don't understand that a 16mo is still a small child.

And as the mum let him start all over again, clearly she had no intention of intervening, so trying to verbally out a stop to it and then moving away was the right thing to do. She should have moved her child away.

A 16 month old is little, but much bigger than an 8 month old - it’s all relative! I wouldn’t want an 8 month old smashing toys near my newborn, despite them being a baby!

I hardly think OP “told them off”. She said (in admittedly too long winded a way for a baby to understand) that they should stop. I think that’s fine! It’s not like she said “oi, stop that you bad child or I’ll smack you!” 😂😂

YANBU. Throwing toys is normal age range behaviour from a 16m, but one day it won't be and learning good behaviour largely comes from being taught. Tolerating or encouraging throwing inappropriate toys in inappropriate spaces WILL become a problem, and at 16m is forgivable in itself, but at 2, 3, 4, 5, 10... it will become apparent that it is a dangerous behaviour and be much harder to deal with then.
At 16m some toddlers are content to sit playing or crafting calmly, some are much more physical to boisterous in their play, especially if they are given no boundaries (I say this as the mother of sons who appeared to have already read the handbook of masculine clichés. Are they perfect? No, but the vast majority of the time they are civilised and behave appropriately despite SNs for one of them, because I am happy to challenge their behaviour and accept it on the rare occasion that someone else has)

When DS1 was 10m, he knew what "no" was and it meant not getting his own way (and thus the trantrums started...) OP's wording may have been a little verbose, but it was polite, and young children understand more than they express.

One day, that mother will be reaping the consequences of her attitude... let's hope that she isn't one of the ones who takes a dim view of people like teachers telling her darling off...

It’s a bit like telling off a baby that can roll for rolling too close to one that can’t, and then getting huffy that it’s mother puts it down to roll near her. I doubt the big baby was even aware the littler babies can’t do the things he can or would care. Nothing wrong with asking him to play somewhere safer.

I said YAnbu because you weren’t unreasonable to say something, but a “very firm” tone doesn’t sound right for a baby, which is what he is. Something much gentler would have been better.

I also echo other posters who say he only seems bit because yours is so little. When yours is 16 months she will seem tiny still - which they are st that age!

But I agree the mum was wrong to effectively start the whole thing up again deliberately!

I don't think anyone is saying that the OP was unreasonable to intervene, we all agree that the mum's parenting left a lot to be desired. We're saying that she has unrealistic expectations of a 16 month old. She should have just taken the toy from him with the words, 'We don't throw toys.'

This isn't about the 16 month old, it's about his mum's poor parenting.

@Dancingontheedge you sound ridiculous! How can you call a 16 month old a ‘thoughtless arse’ 🤣 and I very much doubt he had a fragile ego he would have even understood what the poster was going on about

Wouldn’t *

I get what you mean about boisterous at that age, my youngest has always been pretty boisterous, so much more than the other kids. I would be happy with a stranger telling him not to throw toys at their baby, however, I would be following him around trying to prevent it as I know what he’s like.

Hello love. We’ve all reacted strongly to protect our child and afterwards thought perhaps we were a little too firm. I think you might be feeling a bit bad and looking for reassurance so will say again - we’ve all done it so don’t feel bad.

However I would echo what others have said - he’s just a little baby too and you will see the same behaviour in your own DC in the not too distant future. By all means protect your own baby but remember he is his mummy’s baby too- she feels about him the same way you feel about yours.