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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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AIBU? How do I reply to this text?

99 replies

OfMe · 06/02/2020 17:21

Ok - so I'll change names to try and preserve decorum, but this might all be quite outing anyway.

DH and I worked for 'Christopher's creative project for two years and saw it through from start to finish. DH mainly gave up weekends and evenings for a fair few months, I worked on the project the whole time, working very long hours. Our compensation was 'in kind', but as we wanted to get started in the industry, we didn't mind, and it was a good opportunity. Roll on to now, the project completed last Summer, and we've been waiting to see if Christopher would get another one off the ground, however, due to external events, he recently informed us that the next project wouldn't be starting until the Summer.

So DH and I thought we would do a very small project of our own, that would take a month or two to prep, maybe a month more to complete. We thought that (as we are supposed to be part of the company) that it would probably be ok to borrow some equipment for a day, if we insured it ourselves. So I asked and Christopher said yes, that would be fine.

So I then asked if I should email the other partners in the company just to keep them in the loop. I was very clear that we weren't expecting any of them to help us with it, that DH and I would do it on our own with some other external colleagues.

Two days ago, Christopher said yes, that's fine, just make sure the equipment is insured and that it happens under the company name. He wanted to see the specifics of the project so I sent them over.

However, when i asked again today if I should just email the other partners so that they aren't surprised when they see it appear on social media (because it would have to be), he then texted back, saying; I'll check with the other partners, but my instincts are to put any side projects on hold until after the next project.' To presy the next paragraph, he essentially said, he doesn't want too many projects happening at once, it's just bad timing'.

Firstly - somehow, this has gone from being a small project completely belonging to DH and I, to a 'company' project. Secondly, AIBU to be quite upset that we've worked so hard for his project, and now he won't extend us the courtesy of lending us equipment for a day? Thirdly, as I've discussed with DH, we are just now going to go and do our project ourselves, even if I have to spend hundreds of pounds to get our own equipment or hire some, but then the question arises of, how do I tell Christopher that we're going ahead with the project politely - and without losing my rag at him. Every starting phrase I can think of ends up sounding shirty at best, and fucking livid at worst. I know I shouldn't assume that it would have been ok to borrow the equipment - but DH has previously borrowed the equipment, returned it, and it's been fine. So it's either because he thinks the other partners will want to get involved with our project, which will take them off his (which I've already said I wouldn't ask for), or he is either embarrassed to have our project linked to the company, or alternatively, he thinks our project might be creatively better than his? We're at a loss, but I don't think we're going to find out directly from him. AIBU to be so angry about this? Or is there something I'm missing here?

OP posts:
HelloYouTwo · 06/02/2020 17:35

Do you work for the company? (Christopher’s company?) just wondering how your work is structured. You did all this work for “in kind” payment- does that mean you didn’t earn any money? And now you’re waiting for another project, are you being paid? Why would the company dictate this new small project?

OfMe · 06/02/2020 17:43

So, although we are included as partner's on the company website, no documents have been signed, so there is nothing official tying us to the company or vv. Yes, it's Christopher's company. No, we weren't paid at all for the work we did on the last project. We MIGHT get paid something on the next project. And the company would only dictate our project if we were to borrow their equipment, which we're clearly not, now!

OP posts:
GiveHerHellFromUs · 06/02/2020 17:47

"Hi Christopher, not a problem. This project was to be run separately from the company anyway, so we will source our own equipment to avoid any issues arising with the other partners."

Simple.

mantarays · 06/02/2020 17:51

DH and I worked for 'Christopher's creative project for two years and saw it through from start to finish. DH mainly gave up weekends and evenings for a fair few months, I worked on the project the whole time, working very long hours. Our compensation was 'in kind', but as we wanted to get started in the industry, we didn't mind, and it was a good opportunity

Stop you there. WTF?

BaolFan · 06/02/2020 17:55

There's been some crossed wires - this is a DH and I project rather than a company arrangement. We wanted to check that everyone was OK with us borrowing the equipment and insuring at our expense, before we go ahead and commit to anything. If that's not convenient we will arrange for our own equipment instead.

LadyMonicaBaddingham · 06/02/2020 17:55

GiveHerHellFromUs has it. Perfectly. Its polite and reasonable, but says everything you need it to, very clearly. That should keep their mitts off your project Smile

BaolFan · 06/02/2020 17:55

I would reply as follows:

I think there's been some crossed wires - is for DH and I to run rather than being a project. We were hoping to borrow the equipment, and as previously agreed we would obviously insure this at our own cost. DH wanted to make sure that were happy with this arrangement before we commit to anything - would you like us to email them?

OfMe · 06/02/2020 17:58

@mantarays Yeah - DH works in the industry full-time, but doing this project allowed him to branch into a creative area - I originally agreed to do a few months as it supported what I was studying, and would give me some work experience that I could use to go towards the qualification.

It's very common in this industry for people to work for free or very low-pay, in exchange for payment in kind. It's just not usually this high up the chain in a project that it happens, but in smaller projects, it does. Hope that kind of makes sense!

OP posts:
BaolFan · 06/02/2020 17:59

I would reply as follows:

Thanks for coming back to me so quickly. I think there's been some crossed wires - is for DH and I to run rather than being a project. Apologies if I didn't make this clear enough when I first spoke to you about it. We were hoping to borrow the equipment and as previously agreed, we would obviously insure this at our own cost. DH wanted to make sure that were happy with this arrangement before we commit to anything - would you like us to email them?

mantarays · 06/02/2020 17:59

What was your payment in kind? For two years of long hours? I can’t get my head round that. He sounds like a right CF.

SleepWarrior · 06/02/2020 17:59

Perhaps play dumb a little about him trying to be obstructive?

"Oh yes, totally understand about not wanting too many company projects going on at once - no concerns needed in that respect as this small one will just be for DH and I and we've now sourced our own equipment. See you for the next big project in the summer!"

No questions, just a statement so he has to chase you if he wants more conversation about it. Then just find your own equipment and get on with it asap. He sounds like hard work and not very transparent.

BaolFan · 06/02/2020 18:02

I would reply as follows:

Thanks for coming back to me so quickly. I think there's been some crossed wires - is for DH and I to run rather than being a project. Apologies if I didn't make this clear enough when I first spoke to you about it. We were hoping to borrow the equipment and as previously agreed, we would obviously insure this at our own cost. DH wanted to make sure that were happy with this arrangement before we commit to anything - would you like us to email them?

BaolFan · 06/02/2020 18:03

Bloody MN - the first post disappeared so I had to retype it, then both materialise!

OfMe · 06/02/2020 18:16

Yeah, it's interesting seeing what you all make of it - @mantarays yes, I do very much feel a bit 'wtf' about it all given the hard work we put into his project - his text this morning felt quite literally like a slap in the face, saying that he neither appreciates nor respects the work we put into his project, if he can't bring himself to lend us the equipment for a day.
And @GiveHerHellFromUs @BaolFan @SleepWarrior, that was exactly the kind of thing I was looking for - the problem is that we have been working so closely over the course of the last project that Christopher is a family friend, and things are usually very relaxed and friendly, so it'll be a bit weird to suddenly go all formal on him, so perhaps the answer from @SleepWarrior might be the best way to go.

Lol, @BaolFan, I've had to switch browsers because it won't post in Chrome?!

OP posts:
GiveHerHellFromUs · 06/02/2020 18:18

I'd strongly suggest not going into a business partnership with a friend you can't have such a simple conversation with.

OfMe · 06/02/2020 18:20

Yeah, it's interesting seeing what you all make of it - @mantarays yes, I do very much feel a bit 'wtf' about it all given the hard work we put into his project - his text this morning felt quite literally like a slap in the face, saying that he neither appreciates nor respects the work we put into his project, if he can't bring himself to lend us the equipment for a day.
And @GiveHerHellFromUs @BaolFan @SleepWarrior, that was exactly the kind of thing I was looking for - the problem is that we have been working so closely over the course of the last project that Christopher is a family friend, and things are usually very relaxed and friendly, so it'll be a bit weird to suddenly go all formal on him, so perhaps the answer from @SleepWarrior might be the best way to go.

Lol, @BaolFan, I've had to switch browsers because it won't post in Chrome?!

OP posts:
OfMe · 06/02/2020 18:22

Yeah, it's interesting seeing what you all make of it - @mantarays yes, I do very much feel a bit 'wtf' about it all given the hard work we put into his project - his text this morning felt quite literally like a slap in the face, saying that he neither appreciates nor respects the work we put into his project, if he can't bring himself to lend us the equipment for a day.
And @GiveHerHellFromUs @BaolFan @SleepWarrior, that was exactly the kind of thing I was looking for - the problem is that we have been working so closely over the course of the last project that Christopher is a family friend, and things are usually very relaxed and friendly, so it'll be a bit weird to suddenly go all formal on him, so perhaps the answer from @SleepWarrior might be the best way to go.

Lol, @BaolFan, I've had to switch browsers because it won't post in Chrome?!

OP posts:
HollowTalk · 06/02/2020 18:24

I'm absolutely gobsmacked that not only have you done hundreds of hours of work for no money, this man is trying to say that your new project should belong to his company.

And why the hell didn't you sign papers to say you had some tie to the business? That was really foolish.

OfMe · 06/02/2020 18:24

Yeah, it's interesting seeing what you all make of it - @mantarays yes, I do very much feel a bit 'wtf' about it all given the hard work we put into his project - his text this morning felt quite literally like a slap in the face, saying that he neither appreciates nor respects the work we put into his project, if he can't bring himself to lend us the equipment for a day.
And @GiveHerHellFromUs @BaolFan @SleepWarrior, that was exactly the kind of thing I was looking for - the problem is that we have been working so closely over the course of the last project that Christopher is a family friend, and things are usually very relaxed and friendly, so it'll be a bit weird to suddenly go all formal on him, so perhaps the answer from @SleepWarrior might be the best way to go.

OP posts:
HollowTalk · 06/02/2020 18:24

I'm absolutely gobsmacked that not only have you done hundreds of hours of work for no money, this man is trying to say that your new project should belong to his company.

And why the hell didn't you sign papers to say you had some tie to the business? That was really foolish.

OfMe · 06/02/2020 18:24

Yeah, it's interesting seeing what you all make of it - @mantarays yes, I do very much feel a bit 'wtf' about it all given the hard work we put into his project - his text this morning felt quite literally like a slap in the face, saying that he neither appreciates nor respects the work we put into his project, if he can't bring himself to lend us the equipment for a day.
And @GiveHerHellFromUs @BaolFan @SleepWarrior, that was exactly the kind of thing I was looking for - the problem is that we have been working so closely over the course of the last project that Christopher is a family friend, and things are usually very relaxed and friendly, so it'll be a bit weird to suddenly go all formal on him, so perhaps the answer from @SleepWarrior might be the best way to go.

Lol, @BaolFan, I've had to switch browsers because it won't post in Chrome?!

OP posts:
HollowTalk · 06/02/2020 18:25

I'm absolutely gobsmacked that not only have you done hundreds of hours of work for no money, this man is trying to say that your new project should belong to his company.

And why the hell didn't you sign papers to say you had some tie to the business? That was really foolish.

OfMe · 06/02/2020 18:26

Yeah, it's interesting seeing what you all make of it - @mantarays yes, I do very much feel a bit 'wtf' about it all given the hard work we put into his project - his text this morning felt quite literally like a slap in the face, saying that he neither appreciates nor respects the work we put into his project, if he can't bring himself to lend us the equipment for a day.
And @GiveHerHellFromUs @BaolFan @SleepWarrior, that was exactly the kind of thing I was looking for - the problem is that we have been working so closely over the course of the last project that Christopher is a family friend, and things are usually very relaxed and friendly, so it'll be a bit weird to suddenly go all formal on him, so perhaps the answer from @SleepWarrior might be the best way to go.

Lol, @BaolFan, I've had to switch browsers because it won't post in Chrome?!

OP posts:
OfMe · 06/02/2020 18:27

Yeah, it's interesting seeing what you all make of it - @mantarays yes, I do very much feel a bit 'wtf' about it all given the hard work we put into his project - his text this morning felt quite literally like a slap in the face, saying that he neither appreciates nor respects the work we put into his project, if he can't bring himself to lend us the equipment for a day.
And @GiveHerHellFromUs @BaolFan @SleepWarrior, that was exactly the kind of thing I was looking for - the problem is that we have been working so closely over the course of the last project that Christopher is a family friend, and things are usually very relaxed and friendly, so it'll be a bit weird to suddenly go all formal on him, so perhaps the answer from @SleepWarrior might be the best way to go.

Lol, @BaolFan, I've had to switch browsers because it won't post in Chrome?!

OP posts:
OfMe · 06/02/2020 18:28

Yeah, it's interesting seeing what you all make of it - @mantarays yes, I do very much feel a bit 'wtf' about it all given the hard work we put into his project - his text this morning felt quite literally like a slap in the face, saying that he neither appreciates nor respects the work we put into his project, if he can't bring himself to lend us the equipment for a day.
And @GiveHerHellFromUs @BaolFan @SleepWarrior, that was exactly the kind of thing I was looking for - the problem is that we have been working so closely over the course of the last project that Christopher is a family friend, and things are usually very relaxed and friendly, so it'll be a bit weird to suddenly go all formal on him, so perhaps the answer from @SleepWarrior might be the best way to go.

OP posts:
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