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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

CF garden related

195 replies

yolofish · 06/02/2020 14:48

For background, we have a huge garden, part of which is actually a field, where we keep our chickens (no, the chickens are nothing to do with it).

The far corner, where I planted a shrubbery 20 years ago, got very overgrown, full of brambles etc. It was the corner behind the chicken run so difficult to access. Neighbour installed a gate into the field from her garden, we asked her not to use it.

Now, we've moved the chicken run and I'm clearing the area - hacking down brambles etc. Neighbour has continued to use her gate to dump all her garden rubbish in this previously unseen corner.

Having used a machete to get there, I asked her to get it moved, and advised that technically she was trespassing and please not to do it again.

She then decided she'd like to get some of our trees lopped, she was happy to pay for it, while getting her rubbish cleared.

Fine I said, and as a gesture of kindness, said her workmen could put the debris on our bonfire, thus saving them trailing it through her house.

Now, the workmen have gone, job not finished - maybe they are coming back? - bonfire is massive and they failed to light it and get the pile down as asked, and they havent cleared the rubbish.

And she's saying £150 is a bit steep in a not particularly subtle hint that she'd like a contribution.

Who is the CF here?

(sorry, long!)

OP posts:
EL8888 · 09/02/2020 19:03

Oh and whatever about her “government pension”

BaolFan · 09/02/2020 19:07

A quick, easy and cost effective way to sort the gate problem, is to take a big, stout and straight-ish branch or bough from the woodpile, and hammer it well into the ground right in front of her gate using a sledgehammer. It also has the benefit of being quite a satisfying activity when you are pissed off!

BaolFan · 09/02/2020 19:09

PS and I would say don't contact me again because otherwise there is never going to be an end to this pitiful whining about how she's a poor OAP and it's not her fault. It sounds harsh but this woman has steamrollered over every single attempt to be polite and reasonable and she won't change because she doesn't think she's done anything wrong. Therefore rock solid boundaries are the best way forward.

HughGrantsHair · 09/02/2020 19:12

YANBU We have a massive problem with flytipping where I live. The council are encouraging, and supporting, people in taking civil action against flytipping on their private land. If they don't move it, that could be an option for you.

SchadenfreudePersonified · 09/02/2020 19:29

In fact, my stubborn rage might make me go to the effort of moving the debris to her garden rather than burning it out of pure spite!

I confess that this would be me, too.

I am a spiteful vindictive besom.

eddielizzard · 09/02/2020 19:48

Her cheek is extraordinary really. She dumps stuff on your land, complains about how much it costs to remove it, cuts down your trees, her contractors don't remove the cuttings or light the bonfire or supervise it as agreed, and now wants you to cough up for finishing the job! None of which has anything to do you, and all to do with HER trashing your land!! Unbelievable. I do now think you should say you don't want to hear from her again. But she should get her stuff taken away, at her expense at the very least. She really must fix this.

billy1966 · 09/02/2020 20:38

@Scadenfreud

.......you may be a "spiteful vindictive person"......but I am impressed with your self awareness 🤣👍

Original poster
yolofish · 09/02/2020 20:38

Thank you all. I am going to sleep on it, prob use baol msg with a bit of the later additions and msg her tomorrow.

I have been too nice really, because she's elderly, not in great health, alone etc.

But she is actually taking the piss seriously, and while I will take a lot I reach a point where I feel I have been pushed too far.

OP posts:
MaggieFS · 09/02/2020 20:39

The way she's going, I'd be tempted to use that gate one last time to put everything into her garden and leave it to her what she wants to do with it!

SchadenfreudePersonified · 09/02/2020 21:00

I embrace my Dark Side, Billy

Grin
Original poster
yolofish · 09/02/2020 21:10

I dont have the physical strength to dump the stuff back or else I'd be seriously tempted! This is like tree trunks, hawthorns cut from 20 feet to about 6 feet. Thorny bastards. Much though I am tempted...

OP posts:
SchadenfreudePersonified · 09/02/2020 21:20

I would be tempted to contact a contractor of my own and pay them to dump all the stuff back in her garden.

She's trying to get you to pay towards it - take it on, but not in the way she wants.

Money well spent.

user1471449295 · 09/02/2020 21:22

She is BU. If it doesn’t get gone I’d lob the rubbish in her garden.

SchadenfreudePersonified · 10/02/2020 07:02

OP isn't physically able to dump the rubbish over the fence herself user.

  1. There is a LOT

  2. Some of it is very large

  3. Some of it is spikey.

Original poster
yolofish · 10/02/2020 08:16

I've sent baolfan msg. Didnt like the contractors anyway - the young one was ok, but the older one was seedy and had briliantined hair!

OP posts:
Original poster
yolofish · 10/02/2020 09:20

her reply:

I have said I intend to get a new fence put up soon and remove the gate completely. I have cut the trees for the past 16 years at my cost. You kindly got them cut once at my request. The contractors have done what yo asked for and what I wanted done, I really can;t see what this issue is, as they are your trees, not mine. I would not touch them but they do block out the light to my lounge in summer and also the garden sun as my garden is so small.

Followed by this:

I am now offering to pay the £60 for the removal of the branches that came from the trees behind my fence, Which is about 1/3 rd of the bonfire there xx reckoned, plus the small pile next to it and also the pile at the back of my fence which is also old hawthorn and other tree branches. But if you refuse them access there is not much I can do. other than cut the branches much smaller to get through my garage which will cost lots more of course. I will leave it up to you what you decide to do from here. I do not see the need to involve a solicitor which incurs you cost that is not needed. I already cooperating with all you have asked me to do.
Can you give me a run down of how they have misbehaved on your land, cos I am unaware of this?

OP posts:
PrayingandHoping · 10/02/2020 09:31

I would correct her that the trees being cut down only benefits her not you and you have only "allowed" it because it did not inconvenience u. But now the actions are.

Why did u pay for it that one time?

scaryteacher · 10/02/2020 09:38

She's a cheeky bitch. She had your trees cut for her convenience, so it should have been at her cost. Go with the solicitors letter, which she will have to declare if/when she sells as a dispute. I'd also let her know she has screwed the pooch on the trees being cut back in the future.

The bit about existing on a pension has been pulled by my Mum and mil at times. With Mum it means that we have spent years picking up travel and hotel bills, and driving over two days to see her from Belgium, and taking her back with us to stay. It amazes me sometimes how she manages to buy several coffees out a week, and a a new skirt per month if she is so hard up, then I remember she has a fair bit stashed in the bank.

Original poster
yolofish · 10/02/2020 09:39

Actually the amount of 'her' debris on the bonfire is about 50%.

I think we paid for it once because we felt sorry for her!

She has actually admitted that the debris is from previous cuts that she had done...

'misbehaviour' on my land: the factthey didnt do what they said they'd do.

Am just going to let her stew for a bit I think.

OP posts:
MaggieFS · 10/02/2020 09:56

Pretty sure you won't be letting her touch those trees again, silly lady!

bumbleymummy · 10/02/2020 10:13

Hmmm... I think maybe you should step back and take a breath here. It does seem like she’s trying to cooperate and sort it out. It’s easy to get spurned on by a MN thread but ultimately you’re the one who has to live next to her. Obviously the situation isn’t ideal but I think the best way to sort it out is by talking. At least she’s approachable and civil enough.

Myimaginarycathasfleas · 10/02/2020 10:14

I was wondering this morning if Storm Ciara had solved the problem for you, yolo. With the wind in the might direction it might just find its way into her garden all by itselfWink

OhLookHeKickedTheBall · 10/02/2020 10:27

Let her stew a bit. Then remind her that if she wishes to cut your bushes for her conveniences then there are laws regarding that (I.e. she doesn't get to dump the clippings on your land willy nilly). Also that you were clear the terms the workmen were allowed onto your land as messaged and they did not fulfil them. Make sure you get a solicitor letter sent too though to confirm this, as she looks like she's angling to try the dumping again.

justilou1 · 10/02/2020 15:46

Oh and mention having her prosecuted for fly tipping! I bet her insanity is very flexible, so when it suits her to be quite sane, she can sort her shit out.

FraglesRock · 10/02/2020 16:25

I think you'll have to suck this up. Anything else degenerates into pettiness sadly.
Lesson learnt no favours in future, you don't have to accept back overhanging branches.