..to lightheardly ask what shameful thing you need to admit to?

[RoyEastmannKodak]

When no one is around to see me, and when the food was really yummy, I lick the plate clean. Regularly.

I am a 47 year old educated and professional woman. I don't think people would ever expect this of me. I caught sight of my reflection when doing this earlier and I looked like a hungry stray dog

What do you do that people don't know about?

At a wedding. The evening do (I’d been an all day guest). Overdid it in the evening. Was sick just outside the room the evening do was being held in. Rushed straight to the loo and pretended it was nothing to do with me,

I pissed in my coffee flask on the motorway whilst stuck for 2 hours due to an accident. I was moving maybe 10 feet every 5 minutes and had a serious urine infection.

When the flask started overflowing I transferred it to another flask I had in the car that I'd not taken out the day before. I had to sit on the cup whilst still in the driver's seat draping a scarf over my naked bottom half so lorry drivers didn't notice.

No regrets!

I get angry belly sometimes.
Once I farted and I hear my husband from the next one "What did you say? I couldn't hear"
Another time I lost control of "belly air" and it was so bad he stopped the car and got out
It's nerves....

I recently farted so much in my car that when I stopped to fill up with petrol and opened the door it wafted out as a toxic cloud, the man at the pump the other side said "OMG what is that stench can you smell it?" Me with wide eyed innocence "I think they are muck spreading nearby" 😂

@Bisforbert 😂

I bought and ate a Cadbury's cream egg today . Deposited the receipt and the wrapper in next bin I came across before I sloped off to meet DH for coffee . This might not seem bad, but I also gave DH a look of scorn and a lecture about how easter is months away, when he admitted he'd eaten a cream egg before he met me !
I'm a terrible person I know.

I happily de-crust my cat's eyes & flick it across the room.

And once my DH was taking a long bath and I needed a poo so I squatted over a sandwich box on the kitchen floor & filled it with poo. Not my finest hour.

When I am in work on my own I use the male toilets...I am a woman and there are about fifty women and two men on our floor. Consequently the gents are much nicer, never run out of toilet roll and smell better. I also pick my nose and eat it and am partial to pulling out chin hair and eating it.

@TheSquitz, me too! She tolerates eye cleaning better if I do it with a finger nail. She wiped eye snot on my jumper. So I wiped it off on my jeans.

Oh I feel better now. I too pick and flick. I scrape it off the walls later when it's gone hard (DH thinks it's hilarious)

Have also peed in a bucket in a house with only a downstairs loo. And once on the side of the motorway in 5ft of snow. (Scotland) that was chilly.

Threw a bloody tampon out of the car window once when doing the deed on the back seat.

I'm truly revolting.

@Lanurk and @1Morewineplease I can’t believe you both do this too - my dh thinks I’m positively bonkers 😂 (it doesn’t stop with the teabags either lol)

On a posh train excursion and dying for a number two. Did the deed and upon looking down into the pan I was horrified to see that it was an original vintage fitting with a tiny outlet and the turd I’d produced was about a foot long. Of course the flush was pitiful and Richard the Third sat there glowering at me and refusing to move. Looked around wildly for something to break it up with and could find nothing. So in my panic I wrapped my hand in toilet paper, lifted it out and shoved it in a bin on the wall for Sanpro disposal. I still feel horrified for the poor cleaners. 🤢

Love the wedding shoes @Yabadee! Does your DH know that those are the ones for the big day?

My confession is that I had the perfect revenge for my DH moaning (light-heartedly) about not being able to see my dress before our big day. I told him that I would give him the privilege being in on the bridal preparation a few days before, and I gave him a massive tease: I tried on the dress in front of him!!! The catch was, that to prevent bad luck, he had to be blindfolded. But he was a good sport, and my maid of honour kept a close watch to make sure that he couldn't see anything. He had to put up with us talking and giggling about it for a couple of hours!

Once, DP & I had a friend over. We'd had a few drinks. As I stood from the sofa, I farted & then I laughed so much I peed myself. Yes - I pissed on my living room carpet. I wish I'd done more pelvic floor exercises.

I have pooped outside many times while out running. To be fair I was marathon training and often in the middle of nowhere when the runners trots hit!!

When I'm on my own and having soup I drink the last bit out of the bowl

Many times I have vacuumed up small bits of Lego rather than pick them up.

One day whilst driving to work, I felt a bit like I needed a number 2. Thought I’ll carry on and wait til I get to work. Anyway this was more than a normal number 2, it was raging stomach virus number 2. As I was within 500 yards of my car park, I shat myself all over my me and my lovely new car. I now had no choice but to drive home. On the way back the pains came again and I shat myself another 2 times. I was absolutely mingin and the smell was hideous. When I got home I ran to the house, sorted myself out and sat in the bath for an hour crying. I then had the lovely job of having to clean my car from
Top to bottom with a horrendous stomach ache. I was off work for a week after. It still gives me nightmares now 20 years later. Can anyone beat that?

that when the news reported that the wife of an international movie star had tragically died, my first thought was not how sad it was ....... it was (completely unconciouslessly) oooh he's single now I might be in with a chance! and quite clearly I never would

@LegoLady95 but you are the lego lady 😱

I also save my poo to have at work. I also sing a song in my head while I do it. Here are the lyrics...

'Being paid to poo, being paid to poo. Yes! I'm being paid to poo'

I obsessively sniff my finger after scratching my
Bellybutton and it’s fucking rank!

NB I don’t obsessively scratch it.

@wanderings he works away so I wore them before he came home for the weekend! They’re safely put away in the box now, scared I’m going to get them grubby

I don’t actually get married until July 2021, but they were on sale them I got a 25% off code in so I had to! When do you ever get ted baker shoes like that for 50 quid 😍😍

Oh and I was sick in a sink at work and couldn’t get the chunks to disappear. As I’d had a both ends experience I’d used up all the loo roll and had to Immediately leave to go home and lose a stone overnight so just Kind of left it in the sink.

Worse was returning two days later and there were still chunks in the plug hole.

I left an anonymous box of chocolates for the cleaner as an apology due to my shame but wondered if I should’ve reclaimed them when I realised they hadn’t actually cleaned the stains off the sink or the chunks away properly.

I am truly ashamed but it was an emergency situation