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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

For saying my partner is shit in bed ?

120 replies

Isitsummeryet123456 · 05/02/2020 17:45

NC for this one.

So.. myself my dp and my ds who is 2 years old went to the park today this afternoon , having a lovely time etc .

I take ds on the round bowl type swing that you can lie in and gently swing, me and ds are swinging gently , and my dp comes over and starts pushing and pushing higher and faster, I tell him politely to stop please .. as I don’t particularly like it and neither does DS, he keeps going and keeps going and is not listening to me tell him to stop - by this point i have asked him to stop nicely around 5 times , as now feeling sick and light headed, and I’ve jokingly said ( to attempt to get him to stop) right , no more sex for you then. He just starts laughing it off , and carries on.. and said “thats Rubbish” and I said “Well it’s shit anyway” (it isn’t , but the one Way to get him to actually stop pushing was to say something he was not expecting )

He stopped almost immediately.

The only way I could get him to stop pushing the fucking swing was to insult him!!!

He is now not talking to me and thinks this is all my fault and has said how horrible I am.

He just wasn’t respecting myself and our ds when I repeatedly told him to please stop pushing.

Have I been completely out of order ?!

OP posts:
Original poster
Isitsummeryet123456 · 05/02/2020 20:05

Yes Hmm

OP posts:
Cinderemma · 05/02/2020 20:08

Wow 😳

Ohtherewearethen · 05/02/2020 20:09

If this happened the way you say it did, if indeed at all, there are about thirty things I have just thought of in a couple of seconds that I could or might have said in that situation. Eg, stop this right now, you are making our son cry, I'm going to be sick, you are out of order, etc. Thinking of sex wouldn't even enter my head. This makes me think that this started off as quite playful and so you reacted in a playful way by saying that ridiculous threat. Did he know you really hated it? Just because what you came out with is so utterly strange.
If he did know that you and your son hated it then he is a real twat and shouldn't have even taken it to the point if you feeling ill. I feel the same about being tickled, I fucking hate it and it's not fun on any level. But I can't imagine in the depths of such discomfort I'd start shouting that my husband was shit in bed in a park full of my own and other children. He will likely never forget what you have said and it may have caused irreparable damage. But then if he did that to you then so could he have. I don't know what to suggest apart from trying to talk to eachother like grown ups.

FlossieTeacakesFurCoat18 · 05/02/2020 20:09

To be fair it sounds like the situation might have been a pretty good example of what makes someone shit in bed - he did something you didn't like because he was enjoying it, and wouldn't stop when you asked him to. I'dbpoint that out to him too, tbh

Iminaglasscaseofemotion · 05/02/2020 20:12

Or you could have told him seriously to stop.

MrsDoylesTeaBags · 05/02/2020 20:13

TBH, is seems like a completely bizarre situation to me.

You need to find more appropriate ways to comunicate but obviously it goes both ways. Is he always so oblivious to others? I think even the most self absorbed person would be aware of such discomfort in their child or is their more to his behaviour?

He comes across as quite aggressive and bullying.

MunaZaldrizoti · 05/02/2020 20:15

Out of curiosity OP, were you afraid of telling him sternly to just stop it?

AmItheonlyonewingingit · 05/02/2020 20:15

Not sure discussing your sex life in front of your child in a park is a great way to handle a situation. Surely you could have focused on your child... He'll be sick, he doesn't like it, you're scaring him etc.... Rather than no more sex?? Seems a bit strange to me.

However holding a grudge is silly of him, obviously you hit a nerve, or embarrassed him, depending on who may have heard at the park.

KatyCarrCan · 05/02/2020 20:19

Creweneck your comment made me laugh. And I think you can keep your 'C' as you're suitably classy Grin

ChevalierTialys · 05/02/2020 20:34

What the actual fuck HmmConfused

ScreamingBeans · 05/02/2020 20:39

Jesus.

Some people have awful lives and awful marriages.

I blame the patriarchy

AmelieTaylor · 05/02/2020 20:39

Don’t worry about what you said worry about what sort of man you’re living with & raising your child with.

As a clue...one that needs to be left & only have supervised access to DS

Oysterbabe · 05/02/2020 20:40

You're right, threatening to withhold sex is the only possible solution. Hmm

TheDarkPassenger · 05/02/2020 21:04

I wouldn’t be happy if you were shouting that shit in the park like, in fact I’d be pretty mortified for you.

I’d rather you have swore!!

TheDarkPassenger · 05/02/2020 21:04

Sworn? Swore? God fucking knows

overnightangel · 05/02/2020 21:10

“YOU DON'T STOP RIGHT NOW I AM ENDING THIS RELATIONSHIP. I MEAN IT would have been my go to. I have been a riding instructor though and I've spent a lifetime around horses so I can shout in a way that stops pretty much anything.”

Whoa Nelly!!
These threads really do bring out the nut cases 😂

thecatinthetwat · 05/02/2020 21:22

It’s awful behaviour on his part. Is this in character for him or an oversight?

Yes, sure, it was an odd reaction from you. Maybe try and work out why you would go to such an odd place in finding a response?

BadRuby · 05/02/2020 21:37

Well if it really is Gloria, then this kind of behaviour is just the tip of the ice berg, isn't it? And it hasn't gotten any better in the last 8 years and you haven't really matured.

Noconceptofnormal · 05/02/2020 21:47

This sounds fake.

Who's Gloria?

Cassandrainthenight · 05/02/2020 21:49

@WorraLiberty

😄

UndertheCedartree · 05/02/2020 21:49

I think your DP sounds like a controlling bully. The fact the only way you felt you could get him to stop was to withold sex says that he has absolutely no respect for you (or your son) and you thought you could only get him to stop if he thought he would suffer. That is very sad. However I don't get all the angst about mentioning sex in front of your 2 year old! So what?

Original poster
Isitsummeryet123456 · 05/02/2020 21:57

How on earth did you know it was Me ? How do you know my name is Gloria ? So sorry

OP posts:
BadRuby · 05/02/2020 21:59

Noconceptofnormal

I have a friend called Gloria who is the same age as the OP apparently is with a DP who is about 40 and a toddler. It's been a nasty, toxic relationship from day one with similarly bizarre, petty and immature scenes.

In one case he strangled her because she flicked paint at him when they were decorating the living room.

Original poster
Isitsummeryet123456 · 05/02/2020 22:02

you caught me !!! Busted

OP posts:
BadRuby · 05/02/2020 22:05

You need to leave him, love. You deserve so much more than this abusive ape. These scenes are not isolated, they are part of an ongoing and abusive pattern. You're not seeing it or choosing to ignore it.

Nobody deserves to be disrespected, gaslighted and abused.