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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To refuse this smear test?

125 replies

URPS · 05/02/2020 13:19

Currently in the hospital waiting room. Male doctor comes out to collect the patient before me.

I find this difficult enough. I really don't want a male doctor to do this.

Could / should I refuse ?

OP posts:

InTheTempest · 05/02/2020 22:50

Well done OP, smear tests aren't the best so you should do whatever it takes to make it bearable.

I had to have a colposcopy after my recent smear and I phoned up the hospital to request a female doctor for it. I've had colposcopies and treatment before (by male doctors who were ok) but when I thought about it I'd have been much more comfortable with a woman and I thought this time i would make sure it would do what I could to make it as bearable as possible.

Boom45 · 05/02/2020 22:52

It's a shame so many people can't see that just because they're fine with a person of the opposite sex conducting intimate examinations/procedures that doesn't mean everyone is. There are any number of reasons why the OP might not be comfortable with a man doing her smear and she's not unreasonable to ask for a female practitioner. If nothing else it's almost impossible to have a smear when you are tense and uncomfortable.
I had a smear today (with the lovely female nurse at my GPs) and I hate them - I suffered from PTSD after the traumatic and quite bloody delivery of my youngest. Smear test trigger some awful flash backs and nightmares and stuff - I threw up spectacularly after mine today. I don't think I could handle a man doing it, no rational reason why but there wouldn't be any point trying - I'd be curled up sobbing. With no pants on. It would be awful for all concerned. And luckily the NHS understand that, even if some previous posters don't, which is why the OP easily rebooked hers.

foreverandalways · 05/02/2020 22:59

Mine quite literally saved my life....for the sake of a minute does it really make any difference...they are simply doing their job

lengthenmylutealphase · 05/02/2020 23:00

My ds was delivered by a man and there was 14 people (male and female) in the room at the time.

I still wouldn't want a man to carry out my smear test.

PanamaPattie · 05/02/2020 23:03

Yes - it does make a difference and it takes longer than a minute. "They" may be just doing their job, but the patient needs to feel comfortable and that their wishes and dignity are respected. The feelings of the doctors and nurses are totally irrelevant.

daisyjgrey · 05/02/2020 23:10

@Roodledoodlenoodle

Birth is where my issue started too.
The whole “oh once you’ve had a baby you’ll take your knickers off for anyone, leave your dignity at the door!” school of thought is so incredibly damaging.
I have never felt so much like a commodity as when I was giving birth. The male consultant who did my stitches (for two hours) didn’t introduce himself, didn’t speak directly to me, didn’t explain what he was doing, didn’t how me any respect at all. The nurse told me after he’d left that he’d also inserted a painkiller suppository, without any consent from me.
I don’t care how polite/competent etc they are, I’m not even going to contemplate anything gynaecological if the dr is male.
I don’t even like seeing a male dr for normal things.
The choice is important and needs to be respected.

squeekums · 05/02/2020 23:13

I would refuse a male doing any internal exam or test.
If i copped attitude or got the oh we seen thousands, its our job bs, id walk out and not return

squeekums · 05/02/2020 23:15

The whole “oh once you’ve had a baby you’ll take your knickers off for anyone, leave your dignity at the door!” school of thought is so incredibly damaging

Damaging and false
Ive become even more protective of my dignity since having DD.
Birth was traumatizing with how on display i was and how i was expected to be ok with it. Im still not over it

oldfashionedtastingtea · 05/02/2020 23:19

I'm surprised by the vote if I'm honest. Are half the women on here really okay having a male do their smear ?

I personally am ok with it but I will support any woman who wants to be in complete control of who touches or enters her body.

Boom45 · 05/02/2020 23:22

I had men and women in the room while I was having my babies, I think anyway- my memories are vague. At the time I was very scared the first time and bleeding so much I didn't have the wherewithal to say anything the second. Because of those births I can't have a man do the smear, if the nurse I usually have leaves I'm not sure what I'll do tbh.

Endoftethermum1 · 05/02/2020 23:36

squeekums it’s not bullshit saying “that’s our job” it’s just health professionals doing their best to put someone at ease.
It was wasting an appointment slot today op which does have financial cost. I understand you may have reasons why, I really do, but the fact remains an appointment was wasted. I’m training male medical students, it’s so hard when they get knocked back by patients so much but I always respect patient choice.
To the daft poster saying something about getting naked in front of a man, that is over the top. A discreetly placed blue roll over the abdomen means not even the mons pubis is seen.
It literally takes 2-3 mins in most patients. Please please don’t let this post put others off their smears. It’s so important

squeekums · 05/02/2020 23:44

it’s not bullshit saying “that’s our job” it’s just health professionals doing their best to put someone at ease.

It is BS cos its not comforting, dont put me at ease. It comes of as demeaning, like we too stupid to know what your job is. I know what the job is, i still dont want male hands all up in my business.

It also comes off as dismissive of our fears and concerns.

Endoftethermum1 · 05/02/2020 23:55

It’s NOT bullshit to say it’s their job, because it is exactly that! If you feel upset by that factual comment that is not the professionals fault. Have you had a smear? In the vast majority no hands go “all up in your business” just a plastic speculum to open up a view of the cervix, then a quick sweep of a brush on a long stick . Sometimes if it is hard to locate a cervix an internal check is done but not often.
I worry that your tone of comments would put people off a smear. Please think about this

squeekums · 06/02/2020 00:10

It may be factual but it lacks understanding and empathy for your patient

The tone of "its our job, just another vagina", is off putting, just shows how little compassion some have for those of us with fears
Its just a job to you, traumatic for others to experience

all up in my business is how i feel when any dr has to even so much as look at an intimate area - again your dismissive of how someone feels about the process and how it feels to us

Alsohuman · 06/02/2020 00:24

It was wasting an appointment slot today op which does have financial cost

Explain how.

I’m training male medical students, it’s so hard when they get knocked back by patients so much but I always respect patient choice

The right of a female patient to choose a female doctor trumps the hurt feelings of male medical students. They’re not being “knocked back”, their female contemporaries are preferred.

Savingshoes · 06/02/2020 00:30

It's about your body and your choice and it's imperative that you put this first.
Perhaps they have seen a few thousand women and will not remember you but this isn't about them.
Also, smear tests test for abnormal cells and do not diagnose cancer. If you have symptoms, it's not a smear that you need - it's a referral to gynae that you need.

steff13 · 06/02/2020 00:33

I'm surprised by the vote if I'm honest. Are half the women on here really okay having a male do their smear?

I didn't vote that the OP is being unreasonable to not want a man because I don't think she is. But my gynecologist has always been a man. He is retiring and I scheduled a first appointment with a new doctor for next week, also a man. It doesn't bother me in the slightest.

T0tallyFuckedUpFamily · 06/02/2020 00:41

I worry that your tone of comments would put people off a smear. Please think about this

Actually, your tone is more likely to put me off. You can say you respect patient choice, but I get the impression you actually resent the woman that say no to your male students.

I’m training male medical students, it’s so hard when they get knocked back by patients so much

katewhinesalot · 06/02/2020 00:46

I should think that the majority of women are ok with a man doing it but respect the fact that some people aren't. And that's fine.

ALongHardWinter · 06/02/2020 00:48

at Blackbears dismissive response. Of course you can refuse to have it done by a male doctor. Your body,your choice. This actually reminds me of an incident that I experienced a few years ago at the family planning clinic. I'd made an appointment to have my Mirena IUS removed and a new one fitted. The receptionist who made the appointment said 'It will be with Dr. X'. I knew that it was male doctor as my friend had seen him not that long ago. I said that I'd rather not see a male doctor for this kind of thing,and the receptionist made me feel that I was being ridiculous for not wanting to! I stood my ground though,but was sorely tempted to say 'Would you take this attitude with a woman whose religion forbids them from being examined by a male doctor?' I very much doubted it.

ALongHardWinter · 06/02/2020 01:03

pigsDOfly You had a man carry out your mammogram? Shit,I've got one booked for a couple of weeks time. It didn't occur to me to ask if would be a female HCP carrying out the procedure. I will have to enquire as I REALLY don't want it done by a man.

JigsawsAreInPieces · 06/02/2020 01:09

The smear test I had done with a male doctor identified a minor ongoing problem which was swiftly resolved. The females had said it wasn't an issue. It wasn't (to them) but it immediately got sorted.

Mulhollandmagoo · 06/02/2020 01:17

Are half the women on here really okay having a male do their smear ?

I would be completely ok with a male doing my smear, but that is completely irrelevant in this scenario because you're not ok with it! And we all have the rights to our own feelings regarding our own body op, and you did absolutely the right thing for you by rebooking your appointment bad you weren't comfortable! Essentially that is all that matters here. Ignore everyone who says otherwise

TiggerOfThigh · 06/02/2020 01:26

I wouldn’t really be fussed. But that’s mainly because a female doctor in the obs and gynae ward gave me the most horrific experience, whereas her male counterparts were lovely. Full disclosure, I’ve had ectopic pregnancies and pelvic inflammatory disease. At one point I believe there were students having a look, I was concerned about competence and compassion.

However, totally respect OP’s right to choose, would be better if you’d been given that choice earlier.
Would all you saying OP is unreasonable, be saying the same if it was for religious reasons? (Just a thought)

Mummyrowland · 06/02/2020 01:32

I really wouldn't care man woman trans what ever! It's a life saving screen and I'd rather it just got done. Yes it's an intimate part of us but they see them day in day out and tbh I would care less about the sex of the person at all. Just a question those who say no to a man - what about a lesbian doctor? Surely they could have more 'interest' than some of the male doctors?

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