Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be so sad about all these people not coming to our wedding?

94 replies

ConkerGame · 05/02/2020 08:48

DP and I are getting married this summer. In the last three weeks we have had three couples we are close to (my bridesmaid, DP’s usher and a couple we were going to ask to do a reading) all tell us that they won’t be able to make the wedding as they are pregnant and their due date is within 2 weeks of the wedding.

I’m obviously not at all angry or annoyed with them for not coming in the circumstances (it’s a long way for any of them to travel so I don’t think it would be realistic for any of them to come even if they wanted to), but I’m feeling really really down about having them all missing on the day Sad I think having 3 in a row hasn’t helped and I’m now feeling really anxious about “well, who’s next?!”

I guess it’s partly to be expected as we’re 33 so lots of people get pregnant around this time, but I thought we’d end up with a few pregnant people and a few newborns there, not that we’d have 6 of our closest friends miss it! Are we abnormally unlucky with this?

Can anyone convince me that we will still have a fabulous day even with all these people missing? People always say “it doesn’t matter what happens/goes wrong on the day as long as you have all your loved ones with you” - but now we won’t have that Sad and I don’t seem to be able to get back any enthusiasm for the day.

Any words of wisdom greatly appreciated.

OP posts:
TeenPlusTwenties · 05/02/2020 08:51

As these all seem quite important to you, would you consider some kind of skype attendance for them for the ceremony?

GiveHerHellFromUs · 05/02/2020 08:53

Is it a last minute wedding? It seems strange that 2 of the wedding party have dropped out so close.

Of course you'll still have a great time. You're marrying the man you love!

CalmdownJanet · 05/02/2020 08:53

How long is a long way for them to travel?

puds11 · 05/02/2020 08:55

@GiveHerHellFromUs they are pregnant.

@ConkerGame can you bring it forward if you really want them there?

SnuggyBuggy · 05/02/2020 08:55

You aren't wrong to feel down. I think it's just bad luck to have so many due dates and of course it's harder these days when you don't necessarily live near your loved ones.

The fact that you are being mature and understanding hopefully means these are going to be long lasting friendships. Your wedding is one day but hopefully you and these friends will have other special times together over the years.

Selfsettling3 · 05/02/2020 08:56

How far is away is it? New borns are only allowed in car seats for 30 mins at a time so I doubt you will have many people travelling far with a new born.

GiveHerHellFromUs · 05/02/2020 08:56

@puds11 I didn't think about the fact they wouldn't have told OP before their 12 week scans Grin

Odoreida · 05/02/2020 09:00

That's really tough but I don't think there's anything you can do if it's a long way for them to travel. Maybe you can do something for the 8 of you together before the wedding? Of course you will still have an amazing time!

Original poster
ConkerGame · 05/02/2020 09:01

@puds11 no, it was hard enough to find a date in the first place and lots of people have already booked travel/accommodation so it really wouldn’t be fair to move the date now. All three couples new the date before their babies were conceived so it’s not like we purposefully planned a date lots of people wouldn’t be able to do!

@CalmdownJanet around 5 hours

OP posts:
Original poster
ConkerGame · 05/02/2020 09:01

Sorry knew

OP posts:
puds11 · 05/02/2020 09:03

@ConkerGame realistically on the day I doubt you’d notice at all. It’s a shame but cannot be helped.

cologne4711 · 05/02/2020 09:05

I didn't think about the fact they wouldn't have told OP before their 12 week scans

Perhaps they would tell the OP if she's a very good friend and they want to give her plenty of notice that they can't make her wedding

New borns are only allowed in car seats for 30 mins at a time

? What happens if you live more than 30 minutes away from the hospital you gave birth in? Since when has this been a thing? Admittedly my son had quite a flat car seat not one of the really curvy ones you get now.

BikeRunSki · 05/02/2020 09:05

It is unlucky, but if these couples have been TTC, they would know when they were going to conceive. It souls be unreasonable to expect them to wait until after your wedding.

PicaK · 05/02/2020 09:06

Yanbu - it is sad. Flowers Definitely allow yourself a day to be glum without feeling guilty.
And then move on.

MarthasGinYard · 05/02/2020 09:07

Shame it's 5 hours away or they may have made an appearance

Sadly with all these weddings miles away these days it all becomes about the venue.

Caspianberg · 05/02/2020 09:07

It's just bad luck. 5 hours is a long way to travel also with a small baby, so even if they have say a 6 week old I doubt many would be able to attend as its 30 min max in car seat under 2 months, so a 5 hr drive will take forever.
It's better they tell you no for definite now surely, than to keep you hanging on thread until the last minute.

Narcheska · 05/02/2020 09:08

It's a real shame. I'm sure you'll have a lovely day regardless but what about organising a special meal or something (baby friendly venues) a little bit after for you all to celebrate together. Do they live close together? You could go up and visit them and celebrate then?

Not quite the same bug We had to have our wedding last minute due to FIL being terminal (he died 2 days later) so only our parents, siblings (not my sister tho as she's abroad and couldn't get back for the new date) and only one of my closest friends were there. I remember being really sad that despite a really important reason for moving the date I'd be missing some very special friends who I always thought would see me get married / be my bridesmaids. The day was still perfect and I didn't notice as much as I thought I would

Original poster
ConkerGame · 05/02/2020 09:09

@MarthasGinYard it wasn’t all about the venue it was about having it close to where we grew up so elderly family members could make it, rather than having it where we live now.

OP posts:
Original poster
ConkerGame · 05/02/2020 09:10

@Narcheska I’m really sorry to hear that. Very glad you still managed to have a lovely day in tough circumstances

OP posts:
Mittens030869 · 05/02/2020 09:11

It's definitely understandable that you feel down about your friends not being there; it's not as if you're going all Bridezilla about it, is it? (Unlike other brides we hear about on here.)

Your day will still be very special, marrying the man you love, with all the other friends and family who will be sharing it with you both.

Selfsettling3 · 05/02/2020 09:12

cologne4711 since research has shown that babies can be deprived of oxygen at after 30 mins their oxygen saturation levels become too low. This only applies to first six weeks, she corrected for premmies.

puds11 · 05/02/2020 09:12

@cologne4711 the newborn car seat guidelines is a thing. Small children in car seats can only do two hours. If you live further than either timeframes you have to stop and get the child out to give them a change of position. Tbh it’s a good rule, car seats are awful in terms of body positioning.

MarthasGinYard · 05/02/2020 09:13

Ps

What happened about your hen doo? I was on that thread

Being nosey Grin

justmyview · 05/02/2020 09:14

Could you ask them to pre-record congratulations messages / readings that you could play on the day ?

If it's any comfort to you, I missed a wedding due to immiment baby, and I was sad to miss it, so please understand your friends will also be disappointed

AnchorDownDeepBreath · 05/02/2020 09:18

Ah that's a shame. It's the risk when your venue is so far away - although I completely appreciate wanting to go 'home' for the day, and it is tough weighing up who it's more important to have...

We moved our wedding plans to suit fiancé's elderly relatives, as his mum was upset that she didn't feel that they'd come to the venue we wanted. We've gone for a really easy, very local venue now, and they're still not coming... sadly you'll never get everything perfect.

Have a lovely day anyway, they'll be there with you in spirit.

Swipe left for the next trending thread