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Original poster

To be so sad about all these people not coming to our wedding?

94 replies

ConkerGame · 05/02/2020 08:48

DP and I are getting married this summer. In the last three weeks we have had three couples we are close to (my bridesmaid, DP’s usher and a couple we were going to ask to do a reading) all tell us that they won’t be able to make the wedding as they are pregnant and their due date is within 2 weeks of the wedding.

I’m obviously not at all angry or annoyed with them for not coming in the circumstances (it’s a long way for any of them to travel so I don’t think it would be realistic for any of them to come even if they wanted to), but I’m feeling really really down about having them all missing on the day Sad I think having 3 in a row hasn’t helped and I’m now feeling really anxious about “well, who’s next?!”

I guess it’s partly to be expected as we’re 33 so lots of people get pregnant around this time, but I thought we’d end up with a few pregnant people and a few newborns there, not that we’d have 6 of our closest friends miss it! Are we abnormally unlucky with this?

Can anyone convince me that we will still have a fabulous day even with all these people missing? People always say “it doesn’t matter what happens/goes wrong on the day as long as you have all your loved ones with you” - but now we won’t have that Sad and I don’t seem to be able to get back any enthusiasm for the day.

Any words of wisdom greatly appreciated.

OP posts:
CruCru · 05/02/2020 10:23

This is a shame but you will still have a lovely time.

A couple of people have said that you should Skype during the ceremony or have a catch up with them afterwards and wear your dress. Please don't do this. If they are just on the verge of giving birth, knowing that they MUST be available to live Skype your wedding is stressful and guilt-inducing. If you are having a video, offer to let them watch it (if they really want to).

Similarly, doing a thing with people with a newborn where you wear your dress smacks a bit of "you WILL admire me in my dress! I don't care that you've just had stitches and can't sit down!"

crustycrab · 05/02/2020 10:28

Don't ask them to skype, pre-record messages or wear your dress at a later event. Crackers 😂

I'm still incredulous they all told you upon conception about their pregnancies

Effram · 05/02/2020 10:33

I had friends in Canada and Australia who were unable to make our wedding. I arranged for one of the ushers to bring an iPad to the wedding and he spoke to them before to arrange times they could Skype during the party and we got to have a little chat with them. The photographer got great pics too so it's like they were there!

Would recommend - just get someone else to sort out getting them on the call so you don't have to spend time doing it, then you can have a lovely 5 min chat!

OlaEliza · 05/02/2020 10:42

If the people are the most important thing, why have the wedding miles away?

I never understand that.

Luckystar20 · 05/02/2020 10:50

Tbh ip expecting people to travel 5 hours to attend a wedding unless family is abit unrealistic especially the costs over night stay childcare or bringing young children. There was always going to be drop outs totally different situation if the wedding was local.

onionface · 05/02/2020 10:51

If the people are the most important thing, why have the wedding miles away?

Not everyone lives in the same place...

EstebanTheMagnificent · 05/02/2020 10:53

If the people are the most important thing, why have the wedding miles away?

OP has addressed this - it’s to enable elderly family members to attend.

HugeAckmansWife · 05/02/2020 10:54

Is your venue miles from a hospital? I was 38 weeks at my sisters wedding in the middle of Wales. I took my notes and hospital bag in the car just in case but it was fine (also a 5 hour journey). It does seem a shame that they are missing it but well done for not being Bridezilla at them x

ShesGotBetteDavisEyes · 05/02/2020 10:54

OlaEliza Op explained she is having the wedding in her home town and has older family members who live in that area to consider. You ultimately have to choose an area and there will always be people who can’t travel that far. Mine was only an hours drive away from where our family live and there were still people who wouldn’t/couldn’t travel.
I always think you should have the wedding YOU want but don’t be annoyed when people can’t make it for whatever reason.

pelirocco123 · 05/02/2020 10:57

Selfsettling3 Wed 05-Feb-20 08:56:00
How far is away is it? New borns are only allowed in car seats for 30 mins at a time so I doubt you will have many people travelling far with a new born.

Only allowed? there is no law , in fact very little research

www.madeformums.com/news/newborn-safety-in-car-seats/

ThanksItHasPockets · 05/02/2020 10:59

I remember your thread about the pregnant bridesmaid at your hen do. Have you moved your wedding from October? (I promise I’m not a creepy stalker - I remember because the dates are v similar to my sister’s wedding and I am due in the summer, so had a similar dilemma).

onionface · 05/02/2020 11:03

@HugeAckmansWife
Presumably you had a straightforward pregnancy?

I wouldn't have planned to go to a friend's wedding at 38 weeks unless it was local. I could barely walk and would have wanted to be able to leave and go home when I felt like it. I also spent a long time picking a hospital that I felt comfortable with and had the facilities that I needed, I wouldn't have risked having to give birth at an unknown random hospital so close to my due date.

These women have no idea how their pregnancies will progress. It might be fine to be 5 hours away at 38 weeks or it might not. But a wedding isn't more important than their or their baby's health.

PatellarTendonitis · 05/02/2020 11:15

Just bad luck! It happens.

NoMorePoliticsPlease · 05/02/2020 11:18

I think you asre being a bit precious. You will enjoy your day

Thatoneoverthere · 05/02/2020 11:19

My brother just had his wedding, his oldest friend and his family (our mums met while pregnant) couldn't make it because he was in the middle of incredibly heavy duty chemo, other friends had high risk pregnancies etc and others lived on the other side of the world with small children/babies. They still had an amazing day and it was a really fun wedding.
There were amazing messages and no one was forgotten but it was about the couple as it should be.

897654321abcvrufhfgg · 05/02/2020 11:38

Where does the only 30 mins in a car seat come from? We regularly travelled to Cornwall with all 4 of mine!!!

GiveHerHellFromUs · 05/02/2020 11:44

@897654321abcvrufhfgg www.nhs.uk/news/pregnancy-and-child/warning-over-babies-sleeping-in-car-seats/

There was a small study conducted which showed the negative impacts for babies. It's by no means conclusive, admittedly, but the MW advised us based on this study.

I'd rather be safe than take the risk of it heavily impacting a newborn.

How often do you go to Cornwall to have done it 'regularly' in the first 6 weeks of your child's life?

Mittens030869 · 05/02/2020 11:57

There will potentially be more friends who can't make it, because they're ill or because of other unforeseen circumstances. Quite a few guests pulled out before our wedding, one whole family because they went down with flu and another friend who was heavily pregnant; there was a complication to her pregnancy and she didn't want to take any chances, as she'd had 6 miscarriages in succession.

It's life. Yes it's a pity when close friends are able to come to your wedding but don't let it spoil what should be a happy time looking forward to your wedding.

Selfsettling3 · 05/02/2020 12:05

pelirocco123 not advices then, as I said it’s up to the indifference to decide the level of risk they are willing to take with a newborn. The study hasn’t been replicated because the results were so worrying that it would be unethical to do so.

mencken · 05/02/2020 12:14

there is also the possibility that sleep deprived vomit covered constantly feeding new parents may not feel like a ten hour round trip for a party...

you'll never get everyone together for an event unless it is a court appearance. It is how it is.

TerribleCustomerCervix · 05/02/2020 12:22

You ultimately have to choose an area and there will always be people who can’t travel that far.

This is it really.

I know OP has been forced by circumstance, but having a lengthy commute to a wedding will result in some guests not making it.

It sucks but there’s not a lot anyone can do about it.

Rubychard · 05/02/2020 12:22

You can get lie flat car seats. We had one 15 years ago when our eldest was born.

To be so sad about all these people not coming to our wedding?
RhymingRabbit3 · 05/02/2020 12:32

@Rubychard
Do you expect OPs guests to fork out over £100 for a car seat to be used to a single event, when the baby might not even have been born (OP says the wedding is 2 weeks after due date so could easily be overdue).

SunshineAngel · 05/02/2020 12:37

@GiveHerHellFromUs The wedding is in summer, and they've dropped out as it is around their due date. They might have only just found out they were pregnant if the wedding is 7+ months away .. so I don't think it's that strange at all.

crustycrab · 05/02/2020 12:39

@SunshineAngel the wedding is at the end of October! They've literally just conceived.