To be so sad about all these people not coming to our wedding?

[ConkerGame]

DP and I are getting married this summer. In the last three weeks we have had three couples we are close to (my bridesmaid, DP’s usher and a couple we were going to ask to do a reading) all tell us that they won’t be able to make the wedding as they are pregnant and their due date is within 2 weeks of the wedding.

I’m obviously not at all angry or annoyed with them for not coming in the circumstances (it’s a long way for any of them to travel so I don’t think it would be realistic for any of them to come even if they wanted to), but I’m feeling really really down about having them all missing on the day I think having 3 in a row hasn’t helped and I’m now feeling really anxious about “well, who’s next?!”

I guess it’s partly to be expected as we’re 33 so lots of people get pregnant around this time, but I thought we’d end up with a few pregnant people and a few newborns there, not that we’d have 6 of our closest friends miss it! Are we abnormally unlucky with this?

Can anyone convince me that we will still have a fabulous day even with all these people missing? People always say “it doesn’t matter what happens/goes wrong on the day as long as you have all your loved ones with you” - but now we won’t have that and I don’t seem to be able to get back any enthusiasm for the day.

Any words of wisdom greatly appreciated.

It’s bizarre how many people are unable to understand that lots of couples have family and friends living all over the place, and that it isn’t possible to choose a venue that works for everyone.

OP, I think if you tried to arrange any kind of wedding part 2 for the people who can’t make it, the result would inevitably be disappointing. The practical difficulties would still be there, and all of your guests (if they could make it) would be preoccupied with newborns. Your wedding will still be lovely. Enjoy it, and congratulations!

@RhymingRabbit3 no I don’t. And I didn’t say that or imply that. What I am informing people of is that there are more flexible car seat options out there for newborns than that maybe they’d realised.

HTH

@SunshineAngel normally it's a good idea to see if a poster has made any subsequent comments before jumping on them.

However it doesn't sound like the wedding IS in the summer

Oh dear this has turned into a thread about whether newborns should travel far or not. To be clear; I don’t expect any of these couples to come to the wedding! I’m basically asking for stories where important people were missing from a wedding but the bride and groom still had the best day ever as I’m worried that missing these people is going to detract from our day.

Thanks very much to the couple of posters who have provided just that! You give me hope that I won’t be focussing on the absences on the day

It wasn't entirely straightforward no, I had GD and baby no1 had been a CS delivery. I wasn't saying 'I did it so everyone can', just asking if there were options. Everyone has different criteria and will / won't cope with different thresholds. OP, in answer to your actual question, on both of my wedding days I found that it was very hard to get round and talk to everyone anyway so no, I wouldn't have hugely missed individuals but I would have been sad in a general sense that they couldn't make it.

Your friends are lucky to have such a kind and considerate friend like you, not a lot of people would be so understanding, 'my way, my day everyone has to travel to the moon because that's where my venue is no excuses' type thing.

I'd ask of they would be interested in video streaming the ceremony, my sister got married in America as her DH's family is all from there and my family weren't able to attend for health and other reasons so they live streamed it so my parents could still watch her get married, unfortunately I'd given birth 2 days before and was still in hospital so I couldn't see it but I know it meant a lot to my sister that our parents were still there watching.

Congratulations on your upcoming wedding 💐

Thanks @Mamalexi343 - I like the idea of using technology in some way. Maybe FaceTiming my bridesmaid while we’re all getting ready so she gets a bit of “girls’ time” and more of my actual attention! Then we can see the baby too if it’s arrived! I might ask if she wants to write a message for any of the other girls to read out but not put her under any pressure to do so.

I’ll speak to my DF about including his friends.

We’re having someone film the ceremony so they can always watch it later if they fancy/ or just see a few stills from it!

That sounds like a good plan

I no user my but there wedding in person because I was a lot pregnant. My nephew set me up a webcam.

I no user my but there wedding in person because I was a lot pregnant. My nephew set me up a webcam.

Gah!! Early morning typos!!! I meant to say:

I couldn’t go to my brother’s wedding because I was a lot pregnant and it was 8 hours drive away. My nephew set me up a webcam.

I’m basically asking for stories where important people were missing from a wedding but the bride and groom still had the best day ever

Digging my mum up seemed a bit much so we did without.... seriously OP, your wedding day is about marrying your partner. The rest is just frippery. It's a romantic promise between you and your DP, nobody needs to be there to witness it or celebrate it and it still will be very special. Make it your day, and whoever is there with you is just a bonus.

I think you’ve correctly identified it’s one of those unfortunate things in terms of life stages about your age group.
We had more people than we thought at our wedding because I’d not factored that so many of his friends had retired early in their 50’s.
With people in their early 20’s many won’t have the money to go miles but have the energy for a big evening do ( they carried on literally all night at ours).
Ask them to record something for your wedding maybe? Would be lovely to look back on the messages.

Definitely agree with the recording a message thing. That would be a lovely idea. Maybe a selfie video from each which can be compiled into one short ‘film’ to watch.
And - If they live near each other organise a post wedding brunch style thing for a wee while after the wedding and have another mini celebration with them all together and babies too! (or even better three more) it’s nice to have something to look forward to!

New borns are only allowed in car seats for 30 mins at a time so I doubt you will have many people travelling far with a new born.

Rubbish. There is no “allowed” time. The 30 minute thing came from one small study and has never been given as advice from any responsible organisation.

I can see why you’re really disappointed. It’s a reality of getting married at 33 I’m afraid. I got married 3 years ago in a tiny family ceremony with a view to planning a proper celebration later on. It’s been 3 years, and I still haven’t found a date that means all my closest friends will be able to come due to them having babies and 2nd children (I’m in my mid 30s).

Ourtiny family wedding was super special and a party at a later date with friends will just be a bonus. You will have the best day of your life regardless of the guest list.

*our tiny

Oh that’s so sad! You acknowledge it’s reasonable on their part but I agree with you, that’s such bad luck. Really sorry OP, that would have made me sad too.