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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to expect head to give children time off?

99 replies

Apuddimgisneverenough · 05/02/2020 01:04

In a nutshell DC’s grand father is dying - weeks left to live maybe 3 months max
We have asked school for several (separate 4 in total) days off to do a ‘bucket list’ type thing with the children. It has to be on school days as his careers (who will accompany) are only with him set days. School have declined our request. Dc1 has 100% attendance and has for 3 years dc2 had 2 weeks off prior to Xmas with a nasty infection (requiring hospital treatment)
School are saying that due to dc2 and the time off the attendance will fall below 95% so will not allow them authorised absence
AIBU to tell them to fuck right off and those them out anyway ? I’m not too fussed about fines etc but DC2 is worried about “getting into trouble” neither are sitting exams or SATS so I really cannot see what difference it makes
I’ve always been a firm believer in backing school 100% but I am really struggling to se how I can in such circumstances

OP posts:
stellabelle · 05/02/2020 01:06

Take the days off and say DC was sick.

Pushpushpoosh · 05/02/2020 01:07

Yanbu.
Take your children to make memories with their grandfather.
Flowers

Spartak · 05/02/2020 01:07

I would just take them off. If they mark it down as unauthorised absence, then so be it. Some things are more important than school.

Luckypoppy · 05/02/2020 01:14

I work in a school... take them!

MrsTerryPratchett · 05/02/2020 01:16

They have their guidelines, you have your family's needs. They say no, you do it anyway.

MonsterKidz · 05/02/2020 01:16

The schools hands are tied. They are not making the decision.

You have asked - they cannot authorize. The next step is up to you.

YANBU to take them out anyway.
YABU to blame the school/head.

WotchaTalkinBoutWillis · 05/02/2020 01:23

I'm usually YABU, don't pull them out of school - I've voted YANBU as after suddenly losing Grandads, if you have the chance of spending time with them at the end go for it.
Memories.

WotchaTalkinBoutWillis · 05/02/2020 01:24

Although agreeing with the earlier schools hands are tied comment, not their fault. It'll be the LEA.

Original poster
Apuddimgisneverenough · 05/02/2020 01:25

The head will authorise one child , not another (reading between the lines from today’s conversation, yet to receive a formal response)
A child in dc2s class was given time off for their parents wedding abroad so I feel rather annoyed that it can’t be allowed in out situation
I’m more upset that ds2 will be worrying about being off without “permission” and therefore won’t enjoy the time planned tbh and frustrated that the head has said unfit by of the children that dc2s attendance will be an issue

OP posts:
Original poster
Apuddimgisneverenough · 05/02/2020 01:27

Apologies for my typos - I’ve taken my contact lenses out Smile

OP posts:
GinnyStrupac · 05/02/2020 01:27

I would also still take them out but not fall out with the Head and school about it.

Hope it all goes as well as possible. Flowers

Sycamoretrees · 05/02/2020 01:28

Do you need to tell the DC that it is unauthorised by the school?

MiniGuinness · 05/02/2020 01:31

They can’t authorise it, but you can take them out anyway. Why would your children know it was unauthorised? How old are they?

Original poster
Apuddimgisneverenough · 05/02/2020 01:31

Today 01:28 Sycamoretrees

Do you need to tell the DC that it is unauthorised by the school?

They already know due to a conversation with the head at school closing today tbh I think, in retrospect it hat maybe what I’m most annoyed at

OP posts:
MrsTerryPratchett · 05/02/2020 01:32

It's a great life lesson. Resisting authority is hard and it feels weird but is needed sometimes. Talk about Robin Hood or Anne Frank!

GinnyStrupac · 05/02/2020 01:41

I agree with Mrs TP.

You can reassure DS2 that he has your permission to be off and that's the most important thing.

Attendance is extremely important of course, also reassure him about that, but on this occasion it is family first.

Sycamoretrees · 05/02/2020 01:50

Tell the DC not to worry, and that you will sort it with their teachers / the head. Leave it a few days and tell them you've now agreed with the school that they can go if they do some extra homework or something and leave it at that.

Durgasarrow · 05/02/2020 02:23

The school can't officially give that time off. But they can't prevent you from taking it. Somebody has to take responsibility for doing something that bends the rules. That person has to be you. Which is fine.

LolaSmiles · 05/02/2020 02:40

YANBU to take them out anyway.
YABU to blame the school/head.
I agree with this.

It's highly unlikely anything will come of 4 days off. Make the most of the family time in this situation

Supertrooper98 · 05/02/2020 05:10

Who cares if the school authorise it or not? JustTtake them out

Russell19 · 05/02/2020 06:06

The child who was authorised for a wedding may have been because it is a religious event. This is one of the categories that they can give permission for.

Russell19 · 05/02/2020 06:07

But I'd still just take them anyway.

Take it as a lesson to not have your children nearby and listening when talking about stuff like this to the head. It has obviously caused unnecessary worry for your DC.

Oakenbeach · 05/02/2020 06:13

YABU for expecting head to give time off for four days. However, that shouldn’t impact on your decision. I would take them out of school anyway.

SquashedOrange · 05/02/2020 06:19

The heaf isn't allowed to authorise it, they're not doing it out of spite. It also doesn't mean you can't still take them.

It's also not the head's fault that you had this conversation in front of your DC and caused them worry.

BecauseReasons · 05/02/2020 06:31

Yeah, the head isn't at fault here. Just keep them off anyway and pay any fines. But I'd ask beforehand what to expect in way of fines- if they'd fine you for each separate day you'd probably be best taking the days as one lump. I wouldn't call in sick because you'd then need to ask the kids to lie, which is an uncomfortable position for them.