AIBU to expect head to give children time off?

[Apuddimgisneverenough]

In a nutshell DC’s grand father is dying - weeks left to live maybe 3 months max
We have asked school for several (separate 4 in total) days off to do a ‘bucket list’ type thing with the children. It has to be on school days as his careers (who will accompany) are only with him set days. School have declined our request. Dc1 has 100% attendance and has for 3 years dc2 had 2 weeks off prior to Xmas with a nasty infection (requiring hospital treatment)
School are saying that due to dc2 and the time off the attendance will fall below 95% so will not allow them authorised absence
AIBU to tell them to fuck right off and those them out anyway ? I’m not too fussed about fines etc but DC2 is worried about “getting into trouble” neither are sitting exams or SATS so I really cannot see what difference it makes
I’ve always been a firm believer in backing school 100% but I am really struggling to se how I can in such circumstances

I wish I’d done this when my dad died.

I agree to take them but think carefully about your reaction to a school who is seeking to ensure high attendance. They don't do that to p* you off, and your attitude towards the people seeking to educate your kids needs to move on a little. It is very stressful for kids whose parents moan about their school (in best case scenario) and it can make them anti school (in worst case). Both of these scenarios will harm your kids. Take responsibility for YOUR decision, enjoy the time with their grandad, the school will totally understand, but be a little more mature about understanding their hands are tied, for the sake of your kids.

Those saying the head can’t authorise it are wrong, they can, they are choosing not to because they don’t want the attendance stats to look bad.

It's 10 days until half term.

As a teacher I say, take them out.

Dc2 doesn't have to know whether permission given or not. The fact that the head will give permission for one and not the other shows how bonkers the whole business is.

Take them out, the school will have a procedure to follow where they don’t authorise anything that takes a child below 95%. This will likely be due to Ofsted pressure etc. Just take it as unauthorised.

Those saying the head can’t authorise it are wrong, they can, they are choosing not to because they don’t want the attendance stats to look bad.
It won't make a difference to their attendance stats if it is authorised or unauthorised absence given most parents would still have their child off school. The difference is heads have to be accountable for each absence code when under scrutiny, which will happen more at some schools than others.

They can authourise absence in exceptional circumstances and the headteacher guidance suggests this is rare events if an event could be reasonably scheduled out of term time then it wouldn't be typically authorised.

From a procedural point, I would guess the question directed to the head would be "here are all the children flagged for attendance, why has a child being watched for attendance been authorised for family days out when they've had 2 weeks Christmas holiday and half term is a week or two away?"

I think the OP should take them by the way

Just take them out. Our head teacher of the primary my sons attended told us his hands were tied, it would be unauthorised but take them out anyway, with his blessing.

This was for visiting or dealing with my MIL who was dying of terminal cancer. He said even if it is in the middle of the day and you need to come and get them do it.

Even if this gets referred to the Education Welfare Officer you have reasons for your children to be out of school. These are automatic processes, they unfortunately apply to everyone not just you. My friend's child was in and out of hospital with a life long illness, still triggered a visit/phone call from the EWO.

Can some of the days not be done over half term? Would the carers agree to work at the weekend for extra pay or as a favour?

The head can’t authorise and I would imagine authorising 4 separate days over a short period of time would look even stranger to the local authority - especially for a child who (through no fault of his own) already has poor attendance.

Also on a more serious note is trying to do 4 things with someone so Ill realistic? Perhaps picking one of them and really enjoying it and making sure he is well rested to enjoy it would make more sense?

I thought that Sirzy but didn't know how to say it. Surely when someone has weeks left to live their capacity for trips out is reduced - and the effort of making it fun for dgcs might be a lot. I used to offer to drive my mum anywhere she wanted in her last months (not weeks) to sit at the seaside or whatever, she did not have the strength.

Half term is imminent- could they do the bucket list then? Or could the carers be persuaded to do some weekend overtime at your expense?
Failing that, I'd take them out anyway- but maybe for just 2 days if it's making the children anxious about rule breaking.
It would have been best to not ask school, just taken the DCs out and then lied about them being ill.

Those saying the head can’t authorise it are wrong, they can, they are choosing not to because they don’t want the attendance stats to look bad

This ^^

Penalising one child because they were unlucky enough to be ill and thus drop below the ‘permitted’ attendance is ridiculous. So being ill means they then can’t spend time with their dying GP?

Attendance is very important but the silly attendance targets are idiotic and often administered by people who concentrate on trivialities rather than priorities. Schools are also happy to authorise any number of time-wasting events in school and, hey, they’re all ok, but spending special time with a dying loved one isn’t?

Tell your DC the school have changed their minds and take them out.

There are rules and they have to stick to them, don’t take it personally. The wedding abroad, well you don’t know the exact circumstances and perhaps they hadn’t already had time off sick so the attendance figures were allowable.

I’m also thinking that 4 things sounds a lot for someone with so little time left though. Are you doing this for the DC or their GF because tbh his needs take priority.

I wouldn't fall out with the head over it, she'll have been told by the LEA

If you're willing to pay fines, can you use the money instead to pay carers so that you can do these things at weekends and during half term?

Sadly, you need to be aware that your father may not want to do these bucket list things anyway: when a relative of mine was in a similar position, he just wasn't up to going out and about and was happier seeing his family at home.

Just take them out your priority is your children and their grandfather.

I understand with the permission it’s not the same but DD sat the 11+ in the afternoon and due to attendance stats (the headteacher priority) and I requested the morning off. Previous years it has been authorised this year not. DD was worried. I told her it was on me this was my decision not hers and any consequences (there were none) would be on me

I'd tale them without a second thought. When my mother was dying I just took them and phoned the school later. I can't believe a wedding is considered more important than being with someone who is dying, you can rearrange a wedding but you can't unilaterally decide when someone is going to die.

I'm with Sirzy.

No, they are not allowed to authorise it! Attending the funeral would be considered exceptional circumstances but taking time off to have fun days out with a sick relative wouldn’t be.

We have had requests for this sort of thing and I always wonder how much fun it really for the children to be spending so much time with someone who is dying.

Just take the time off anyway, but please don’t tell the head teacher to fuck off. That would be really stupid.

I had a similar situation when my mother was dying, but in her case, she was suddenly taken ill mid-morning.

I went to my son's school and told them that I was taking him then and there and that I would deal with any paperwork/fines etc when it was over.

I did exactly the same at my daughter's school.

As it turned out, with all the chaos, they were off school for 4 days. Both were marked as unauthorised absence but sometimes family must come first.

So sorry to hear the sad news I would have thought under those circumstances it would count as exceptional to be honest. But if school can’t authorise the absence, so be it. Just write to school and say your children will not be attending on dates. I doubt very much you will be fined. It’s just adds into the stress at a stressful period of time. Grandads final wishes are the most important. Hand hold OP.

As a HT I can tell you it's a decision out of their hands. There are guidelines and we have to abide. I've said no in the past officially but unofficially said have a great time. If Ofsted call - I've done no wrong for the school but at a personal level tried to be fair to the family by letting them know that I do 'get it'. I hope you make some lovely memories.

In our county there would be no fine as you need five consecutive days.

I wouldn't have asked them. I'd have told them.

I hope you all enjoy the time left.