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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wonder how some women have it sooo easy...

518 replies

Elderflowerasusualthxs · 04/02/2020 01:31

Aibu? Or just jealous? I don't know but how did they make it?
Such an easy life! Cleaners, gardeners. Huge countryside houses and sometimes second homes by the sea.
A caring and loving husband, good looking and wealthy. No need to work for the rest of their lives. Kids privately educated. Enjoying wonderful holidays in different places and cultures and so on...
They exist and just hit the jackpot or there is a secret that most of us don't know?! I met a pair of them last year by chance through my son's extra curricular activities.
So many of us don't have it like that and I know life can be challenging and unfair at times but they seem to have it all.
Can I have the recipe please? Thank you.

OP posts:
Namenic · 04/02/2020 05:38

Hope situation for you improves, but don’t compare yourself to them. Just be grateful for the positive things you do have.

It’s great that looks are not a barrier to having a nice life too! Genetics, wealth, health - it’s luck. There will always be people with more of those than you, so just chill and be grateful that if you have access to internet and mumsnet, it probably puts you in the top 60% of the world population.

Shadyshadow · 04/02/2020 05:39

Some people have an easier life than others that's fact. Some of these women may be miserable. Plenty will be happy and not worrying about wether the next woman is attractive enough to deserve their life.

Just because they have an easier life doesnt mean it's easy. Having money, means you dint have to worry about money. Money can make hard things easier to deal with. It doesnt stop hard things happening though.

Spend time trying to improve your own position, rather than being jealous if others.

Stabbitha1 · 04/02/2020 05:44

You really don't know the full picture.

PhilCornwall1 · 04/02/2020 05:46

If their lives are anything like the Rooneys, she's popping her wedding ring off and going on holiday every time hubby tears into another woman. That must be a lovely life or more likely existence Hmm

dimsum123 · 04/02/2020 05:55

A lot of it is luck. When I met DH he wasn't earning much but his career took off after a few years and now we have a life similar to the ladies you met. And DH is absolutely lovely, kind, reliable. He's been there for me through thick and thin.

It's nothing I did or didn't do. It's just turned out this due to luck. Like so much if not all things in life. However I was not so lucky with my family who I went NC with for a very long time.

It's not fair, but it seems very little can be done about to make life fairer for everyone.

ukgift2016 · 04/02/2020 05:57

The majority of these women are pretty. If you have looks, you for the opportunity to bag yourself a well off man.

sunshinekids · 04/02/2020 06:03

@Coyoacan

So sorry about your two friends.

Glaceon · 04/02/2020 06:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Glaceon · 04/02/2020 06:06

*thieving

Glaceon · 04/02/2020 06:07

All about*
And posher not pusher.
Need more coffee

Nomorepies · 04/02/2020 06:11

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ on the poster's request.

speakout · 04/02/2020 06:14

I don't aspire to a life like that OP.

I enjoy being productive and active, I wouldnt enjoy being some rich guy's toy.
Flying to so many holidays would leave me feeling bad about the amount of CO2 I produce, and I have no desire to send my kids to posh schools.

I have enough money- that I make on my own and my biggest pleasures in very simple things in life.

These lives you desrive sound tedious and vaccuous.
You don't know if they have caring loving husbands. Women who value material things highly are often more prepared to put up with a shit marriage to a wealthy man.
It is easy to give the impression of a happy marrige, especially if your intagram pictures are full of exotic places and interesting activities.

OP focus on your own life. Comparison is the thief of joy.

recrudescence · 04/02/2020 06:15

Aibu? Or just jealous?

Both.

dottiedodah · 04/02/2020 06:22

Life isnt fair get used to it .As my DM would say if I was moaning on. Needed to check the year (oh yes 2020 NOT 1820)!Honestly OP surely you can see a lot of this is just a facade ?How many beauties get "snapped up" by wealthy older men, when young and pretty only to be dumped for their younger "twin " when they are in their 40s/50s? I appreciate you may be feeling under the weather, but look around you there are many women who have it really bloody hard! last week outside our local Waitrose (and less than a mile from huge properties ,On the South Coast, was a lady selling Big issues .Thinking there but for the grace of God go I! Seriously get a grip .Just on Mumsnet there are people in very abusive relationships.struggling with children and /or low paid work and having to make a pound of sausages stretch a week! Be grateful for what you have as my DF says Everyone has issues!

31133004Taff · 04/02/2020 06:23

@Coyoacan - agree. Bliss comes in many representations. The clever things is, I agree, to be able to still be part of something - in your case it is ‘community’, a value I both share and struggle with, and to really embrace the value of that.

@kateandme - agree. When we see other people’s good fortune and feel envious, we can really be wishing for some respite from our own overwhelming struggles.

dottiedodah · 04/02/2020 06:24

Dont live in one of these huge properties BTW!

Newmetoday · 04/02/2020 06:24

You sound bitter. Do you want it all handed to you on a plate? I’m guessing so

thepeopleversuswork · 04/02/2020 06:26

OP sorry to say this but with that resentful attitude you would probably not be happy with several mansions.

A large part of happiness is appreciation of the things you have and self confidence to go after the things you want yourself as opposed to expecting a man to bring them.

In the politest way you sound lacking in confidence and with a small minded “keeping up with the Jones’s” mindset. Those attitudes don’t tend to attract success or confidence. I think you need to do quite a lot of self esteem work.

TorkTorkBam · 04/02/2020 06:26

What a load of sexist claptrap. Your idea of the ultimate successful woman is demeaning. Also your view of what you think successful men value. You know you can study, work, earn and get the houses and holidays for yourself? You know men don't actually value looks above all else? Rich men are often clever and hardworking. They tend to fall in love with clever women. There are many households rich and poor where they decide one parent will not work a serious job instead being the main supporter of the rest.

Soffy · 04/02/2020 06:26

Such is life.

Personally I wouldn't want to be living off someone else's success and not earning myself. But I wouldn't mind a gardner and a cleaner now I think of it. Your probably in the top % of rich in the world OP, so maybe remind yourself of that? I find that grounds me a bit when I'm having a green eyed monster moment about some item or situation that in truth, doesnt matter.

SympatheticSwan · 04/02/2020 06:27

Except she wasnt. He made it quite clear that if she went above a size 10 he would leave her.
I am ashamed to admit, but I'd probably be prepared to accept the conditions like that. Just so tired of running myself into the ground as a single parent with two small children, life where there is any sort of financial contribution from the other parent seems to be already in a league above.

Shoxfordian · 04/02/2020 06:28

You can never assume anyone has a great life just from the house they live in. Its a shame your aspirations seem to be marrying a rich man not making your own money.

Greenglassteacup · 04/02/2020 06:32

This is such a vacuous and depressing OP

mindutopia · 04/02/2020 06:33

Having little financial security, no pension and being bored at home all day doesn’t sound like an enviable life to me. I know a few women like this, though many are more supported by parents than husbands and probably living above their means. But honestly, I feel quite sorry for them. They have no interests or commitments in life beyond the school run and packing their husband’s lunches.

I’d be bored absolutely senseless. I also worry how happy their marriages are. If they ended, they would be in pretty shit situations. They are very educated, but I doubt they’d easily find work now except a low paid admin position. They’ll have no pension of their own.

Meanwhile, I have a really interesting life. I have a career I love. Dh shares the load (and I’ve never packed him a lunch). I travel because I earn my own money and take myself off on my own holidays, etc. I certainly would not want to trade places with them for a shiny new Range Rover.

nowahousewife · 04/02/2020 06:37

Maybe these women didn't 'bag rich men' but married the man they meet at university. Maybe they both started their careers at the same time but when child no2 came along it was too difficult to work a high stress career whilst outsourcing everything at home? Maybe then they, as a couple, decided that one of them would concentrate on the home whilst the other continued their career? Maybe the SAHP now not only runs the family but quietly uses their previous work skills to help with charities?
Maybe OP they are just ordinary women who fell in love and are making the best of life for them and their families.