to think we need roadwork noises piped into female toilets

[SlightlyJaded]

I know we are supposed to be 'woke' and not give a shit (yes yes) about the fact that we are humans who need to poo and wee sometimes, but honestly.... I am not able to freestyle in the loo at work and never will be.

I try, at all costs, to avoid poo-ing anywhere but home, but even find myself gripping and releasing my wee in small incidental drops in order to avoid making a waterfall of wee sound at work.

And the whole - oh someone just came in - I'll flush now so they don't think I have been in here forever quietly doing a poo even though I've been doing a wee and it's actually legal to do a poo....

And the absolute inability to release any wind even though i would be much more comfortable and holding it in means that I have to wee in even smaller increments than if I didn't need to.

And I know I am not alone because whenever I go to the loo at work and other stalls are occupied, everyone is pretty much silent in their business.

I would welcome a loud soundtrack of road excavations and running water being constantly played via individual sonos speaker in each loo, thus freeing everyone to wee and fart and do whatever they needed to do without having to then avoid making eye contact whilst doing over-vigourous hand washing as though you are going into surgery so that your colleague knows that your hygiene is tip-top.

I love how for once there are only a couple of miserable twats on this this thread and they are being totally ignored! Everyone else totally gets it! Great thread

@tallah

There are always a couple of people on threads like this insisting that they do enormous farts and shits in the work loo without any embarrassment . Strangely in all my years working in many many places, I have never heard any of them

I wait until someone flushes the toilet or uses the hand dryer to quickly push it out 

Until a massive great fart comes out first and echoes off the pan. They are always long farts too!!

YANBU, I’d rather this than waste loo roll by stuffing it down the toilet so nobody can hear me

Throw a bit of toilet paper in the loop before you poo and there will be no splashing noise.

I don't have this problem. It's a normal bodily function. Everybody poos and wees, if they don't, that's usually a problem.

I’ve found my people!!!

I have IBS and have thankfully found empty toilets in the building so that I can do a loud poo in peace.

But anyone who even registered what somebody else was doing in the toilet would have to be an absolute wanker. Seriously, do you think someone is sitting there thinking “ah, that’s Julie farting again, that’s the last time I give HER the time of day”? Do you do that? If not, why do you think any other woman would be that weird? The whole point of female toilets is the code of mutual respect for each other’s privacy, surely.

It’s one of those things that you don’t judge other people for at all but cringe when you do it yourself.

Of course on a rational level people know no one is judging them, but human beings are not always rational.

This post made me laugh so much as yesterday tried for a poo 3 times in 20 minutes but there was always someone in the toilets so I ended up making an excuse and wandering to the public toilet in our building for some privacy.

I have been known to actually walk to Debenhams near me at lunch time as they have a larger toilet vs my small office once just for a poo. How terrible is that !!

@Doobigetta you are right of course. And although this thread is meant in a light hearted way, there is definitely an underlying truth about the way women are conditioned to be ashamed of their natural bodily functions.

I am strong and outspoken on many ways but I can't bring myself to 'relax and go' in a public loo because, rightly or wrongly, I would be embarrassed.

I did say upthread that there are a lot of people dismissing this as pathetic but uI never hear any of them in the loo. It's always silent cubicles with the merest suggestion of a trickle at best. So it's pandemic!

Sometimes rather than look at the root of the problem, it would be nice to just solve the surface issue. So although you make a good ( and correct) argument, I'm still on Team Pneumatic Drill Crowdfunder . Or I might design an app that lets you press a button to make a loud hand-dryer noise. That's actually a pretty good idea l. Go me.

I did say upthread that there are a lot of people dismissing this as pathetic but uI never hear any of them in the loo.

That could also be because cubicles are more soundproofed than you think.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m not really keen on the thought of having an audience, but I think accepting that women police each other in private underestimates most of us and lets the arseholes who do it think they’re normal. But I’m probably taking it too seriously...