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AIBU?

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Original poster

to think we need roadwork noises piped into female toilets

112 replies

SlightlyJaded · 03/02/2020 12:50

I know we are supposed to be 'woke' and not give a shit (yes yes) about the fact that we are humans who need to poo and wee sometimes, but honestly.... I am not able to freestyle in the loo at work and never will be.

I try, at all costs, to avoid poo-ing anywhere but home, but even find myself gripping and releasing my wee in small incidental drops in order to avoid making a waterfall of wee sound at work.

And the whole - oh someone just came in - I'll flush now so they don't think I have been in here forever quietly doing a poo even though I've been doing a wee and it's actually legal to do a poo....

And the absolute inability to release any wind even though i would be much more comfortable and holding it in means that I have to wee in even smaller increments than if I didn't need to.

And I know I am not alone because whenever I go to the loo at work and other stalls are occupied, everyone is pretty much silent in their business.

I would welcome a loud soundtrack of road excavations and running water being constantly played via individual sonos speaker in each loo, thus freeing everyone to wee and fart and do whatever they needed to do without having to then avoid making eye contact whilst doing over-vigourous hand washing as though you are going into surgery so that your colleague knows that your hygiene is tip-top.

OP posts:
Aragog · 03/02/2020 17:57

then if you press the sound effects button everyone knows what you're doing anyway!

Lots of them it comes on automatically anyway, and IME the noise button was used by most people. It was unusual to go into public toilets where they weren't being used.

cologne4711 · 03/02/2020 17:58

(and in fact if I didn't go when I needed to, I'd probably get stomach cramps and then it would go back up and I'd get constipated)

Boredbumhead · 03/02/2020 18:00

Tip, I stuff a decent amount of toilet roll in the bowl, so it muffles the sounds of peeing and muffles plops too!

Likethebattle · 03/02/2020 18:02

Yabu just put some paper in first and it muffles the sound.

GruciusMalfoy · 03/02/2020 18:03

I understand you, OP. I dont care about wee noises, and have no shy bladder. But I will, at all costs, avoid using a public loo for a poo. I have IBS, but it's not usually a huge issue outside morning time, thank God. The few times I have been absolutely unable to avoid going I have had anxious sweats in case anyone came in, in case the loo wouldn't flush, or I stink the place out Blush

I might get some of the VIPoo stuff!

okiedokieme · 03/02/2020 18:06

The great thing about a unisex loo is that it's just one room, well there's a cubicle actually but it's only one so we moved the lock to the outer door. I'm also usually the only person at work!

Jaxhog · 03/02/2020 18:29

Gobsmacked! I couldn't care less about other people doing poos, farts or whatever in loos, so why would I worry about anyone hearing mine?

I had no idea!

WelcomeToShootingStars · 03/02/2020 19:26

I don't really get it. There's a very limited number of things people are doing in toilet cubicles so why would it matter if people know you're having a shit?

WelcomeToShootingStars · 03/02/2020 19:27

Oh and why only female toilets?

ILikeTrains · 03/02/2020 19:37

Haha - yup, I'm another one who gets stage fright in a silent toilet. And there is no way in the world I could relax enough to take a dump - I salute you guys with the confidence to do that.

McDonalds are my favourite public loos, in most outlets they have loud music playing - well done Maccy D's. Your food might be a bit ropey but your loos are great.

DontGoIntoTheLongGrass · 03/02/2020 19:39

Toilet roll on top of water before you wee softens the sound. Holding tissue against your anus as you fart silences the fart.

I have alot of practice...Wink

EmeraldShamrock · 03/02/2020 19:41

Yanbu. Drop lots of toilet roll to cushion the flow.
My issue is when you have no intention of passing wind but once squatted for a wee a loud one pops out. Blush

Tombliwho · 03/02/2020 19:41

If there's some gas to release, put a wad of paper right up to your bum and fart into it, it will also reduce the noise!
Or.. I prefer the cheek spread technique. Then it is free to parp out with no sphincter vibration 😂😂

ILikeTrains · 03/02/2020 19:48

Or.. I prefer the cheek spread technique. Then it is free to parp out with no sphincter vibration 😂😂

all I can say is pfffft Grin

DinosaurDreams · 03/02/2020 19:52

I’m with you, OP. And I work with teenagers in an organisation where staff and kids share toilets. The HORROR of having to piss, shit, fart or noisily unwrap sanitary products and then come out and face a spotty 16 yr old you’ve got next lesson.

damaged888 · 03/02/2020 20:31

Haha, I literally just went to the toilet in a pub for a poo. I always put a bit of loo roll in first so it cushions it lols

Robstersgirl · 03/02/2020 20:34

Put toilet tissue down the loo before you poo. No noise at all. Works a treat.

BraveGoldie · 03/02/2020 20:38

Gosh I must be awfully uncouth - I just go for it! We all do it, after all? Why care!?

This strikes me as another way we women have been brought up to torture ourselves about just being natural!..... waxing, high heels, corsets, and having to cover up our bowel movements.....

Let's just BE! GrinGrin

sassbott · 03/02/2020 20:43

This thread has me in hysterics.

My work toilets used to have music in them. Then they suddenly stopped. And it’s to do with licensing. You need to pay to put music in public spaces like toilets and it ain’t cheap.

Since it’s silent there have been times when all the cubicles are full and not a sound is emerging. And everyone is waiting for someone else to flush/ use a hand dryer/ make some noise. I just leave and go to another floor. I dread to think how long the stalemate could go on for.

But on another note, I’m stunned at how many people hold and don’t go? It’s actually not very good for you to do that.

IndefatigableMouse · 03/02/2020 20:50

I fully believe women should just go - and it’s weird to think using the loo at work or whatever is gross.

But in practise when the loo is empty I’m fine but if I need a wee when certain colleagues are in a cubicle I have a stupidly shy bladder! I’ve been known to walk out saying ‘guess I didn’t need to go!’

StCharlotte · 03/02/2020 20:58

At work our teeny tiny loo opens straight into our equally teeny tiny kitchen... Blush

popsydoodle4444 · 03/02/2020 21:24

I have IBS.When I returned to work after having kids I was horrified to find the office I'd be working in had a tiny set of loo's right next to the break area.I just couldn't use them as you could hear everything.

Instead there was a set of loo's in the upstairs corridor next to a vacant office so I use to slope off to them whenever possible instead.

Then the office moved to a different building that had the most brilliant toilets,tucked away discretely and each "cubicle" was an individual room with its own sink and a thick door with full length concrete walls.

VinceTheMafiaBoss · 03/02/2020 21:28

I have a very shy bladder and sometimes my bladder will literally not produce wee no matter how desperate I am. Like if there's a queue or a very small toilet with quiet people it. Its nothing to do with being grown up, it's just the way it is. Lots of background noise would really help the issue though.

tallah · 04/02/2020 07:47

😂😂 amazing! I have never pooed at work. I used to go out to public toilets nearby so if I did one I wouldn't know the person who may go in after me in disgust!