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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask how you balance work and kids?

83 replies

Isitjustme0 · 03/02/2020 09:44

How do people on here balance having a job and kids? Are you in senior positions with kids - how do you manage? Or did you decide to stop focussing on progression to focus on kids? Do you regret that?

OP posts:
SimonJT · 03/02/2020 09:56

I only work four short days, I’m lucky to be in an industry where I can catch up on hours at home. Despite only doing four days I have continued to further my career.

I also have a cleaner (she does laundry too) to reduce my workload at home.

JagerPlease · 03/02/2020 10:00

Compressed hours so I work 5 days over 4 and spend all day Monday with him. Am divorced with 50/50 custody so cram as much work into the time/evenings my son isn't with me. When it's my night with him I leave the office early, collect him from nursery on the commute home and then work again once he's in bed. And then every few weeks just need a day lying on the sofa watching Netflix to recover because I'm perpetually knackered. But I wouldn't change it

wineandroses1 · 03/02/2020 10:06

We both work full time and have a rather manic routine of drop offs and pickups (for DD and dog). DH's job is more flexible than mine (and I earn substantially more) but we are very supportive of each other's careers and all the childcare/housework/paperwork etc gets done by us both mucking in. We also have a cleaner once a week, which helps.
Over the years, I've had to commute so DH has tended to take roles with more flexibility and a lower salary. I don't have to travel the same distances now, which means I can be more flexible too. It's not perfect but we are a team and it works.

QueenofmyPrinces · 03/02/2020 10:07

I dropped my hours after my second son so I could be at home with them more.

It has undoubtedly caused set backs in my career but my children are my focus.

I have got a good 30 years left in my career yet so that can take a back seat for now.

MarchDaffs · 03/02/2020 10:11

By being part time!

I'm also lucky, in a way, because I'm in the charity sector. Not uncommon for positions to be part time due to funding. Even sometimes quite prestige ones. I have been able to get a couple of these since having DC, roles that were a step up for me.

Actually sometimes I think it can be a positive, in that some people won't consider anything other than full time so if a role is only for 18 hours a week that can narrow the field. Not in certain areas: I realise that eg a part time TA role would probably lead to the recruiter having to beat off applicants with a shitty stick. But in sectors where the applicants don't all inevitably have caring responsibilities, yes.

Mintjulia · 03/02/2020 10:14

After having DS, I changed job to work very locally because commuting was a horrible endlessly-stressy battle. I found a childminder very close to work. I would drop ds off on the way, start at 9, collect him at 5.40.

The same with school, drop him at 8.45, be in work at 9. We had an afterschool club so I collected ds at 5.45.

In the holidays, a mix of holiday and childminder or, when older, holiday club.

I took a pay cut to work locally but once I took tax, commuting cost (£5,000 season ticket), and extra childcare into account, I'm no worse off and I regained 2 hours a day. And cut the stress by 90%.

Naomh · 03/02/2020 10:15

I got to a senior position with a good salary and lots of flexibility before having a child. And DH and I split domestic/child responsibilities equally.

Parttimers · 03/02/2020 10:18

I’m a part time teacher but even on the days I work I can collect my dc at 4 the very latest ( usually it’s 3.30.

7Worfs · 03/02/2020 10:22

Same as Naomh - I reached a level where I can request flexibility.

I’m still on mat leave but the plan is once I return to FT work, DH and I will work from home two day a week each, whoever’s home will do nursery runs, breakfast and bedtime.

The 5th weekday one of us will do morning and be late at the office, the other will leave early to do the evening. I hope it will work 🤞🏼

Original poster
Isitjustme0 · 03/02/2020 10:24

It’s good to see people do manage to balance! I won’t be able to reach a senior position pre-kids so am stressing about that at the moment

OP posts:
HulksPurplePanties · 03/02/2020 10:27

DH's job is during school hours and we have a cleaner.

7Worfs · 03/02/2020 10:28

Sorry if I sounded insensitive, OP. If you share more specific challenges maybe we could come up with something relevant and helpful?
For what it’s worth, I will have to sacrifice time with my baby... I wouldn’t call it balance, but it’s what will be best for the family as a whole.

SueEllenMishke · 03/02/2020 10:35

It's hard at times but it only works if you and partner work as a team imo or if you're a single parent you have a good network around you.

Things that have made it easier:

  • getting a cleaner
  • Using a nursery ( less likely to shut/open all year round)
  • Now DS is at school we use the before and after school club
  • Online shopping
  • Lowering my standards in terms of clean/tidy house
  • making sure we share sicks days/school run etc
  • moving into a position at work where I can WFH at least one day a week - this makes a HUGE difference.
  • Communal childcare - local friends who also have kids means we can help each other out when needed. For example, both me and DH have to work late tomorrow but our friend is collecting DS from after school club when she collects her own kids. My DH returns the favour most weeks by taking her kids to school on a Friday so she can leave for work early.
Original poster
Isitjustme0 · 03/02/2020 10:47

Ah sorry 7worfs I didn’t take any offence ☺️ Just generally am curious how people balance/manage it, and not sure whether to succumb to the fact that I probably won’t be senior but that I can focus on my kids, or whether it is still possible (albeit tough)! I like hearing people’s experiences and any tips on managing the two are very welcome!

OP posts:
TheOrigRightsofwomen · 03/02/2020 10:50

I'm reasonably senior in a professional role.

It works for me because I work from home full time and enjoy enormous flexibility. I also have a great line manager and big boss.

SueEllenMishke · 03/02/2020 10:53

I've progressed into a much more senior role since starting a family. It absolutely can be done.

7Worfs · 03/02/2020 10:56

If you want to keep progressing career and still be reasonably at home, look up industries where WFH is the norm at all levels and you won’t be penalised for it - IT companies, recruitment, etc allow a lot of flexibility.

JohnLapsleyParlabane · 03/02/2020 10:56

Prioritising and outsourcing. And scheduling. Really firm scheduling.

DesLynamsMoustache · 03/02/2020 10:57

I run my own business so can be flexible around DD. It's amazing, but also a lot of work!

GoldenBlue · 03/02/2020 11:03

I had a nanny and later au pairs when the children were younger. It meant I didn't have to fret about when the children were a bit off colour (not really poorly but sent home from school). I could also manage later meetings, earlier starts and flexibility.

Also the kids had a life closer to having a parent at home, after school clubs and play dates rather than bring stuck in after school club.

But I still felt guilty about not spending as much time with them as I would have liked. Advice I give to my staff is if you can arrange working tome to allow at least 1 school pick up a week, to foster those parent relationships then the kids will benefit,

JayDot500 · 03/02/2020 11:08

Flexible working! I dropped to 35 hours as I couldn't make it into the office for 9. I have a DS who is now in preschool, but I have an amazing sister in law who drops him to school for me. I actually did progress into a senior role, and then I put pressure on my manager to allow me to work from home. He was reluctant at first but I managed to get Friday working from home. Eventually my manager started working from home a few days (he's a father of three). Then his manager realised that flexible working could save a lot of money for our project (public health funded), so now our entire team can enjoy flexible working.

I'm on maternity leave now, but plan to get a cleaner once I go back because I'll not have much time to clean the crevices when I go back. I'll be looking for a closer, more accessible job. Flexible working is a must!

My husband is in a senior role but he wfh two days a week, which is extremely helpful for all.

MintyMabel · 03/02/2020 11:33

Senior role, I have flexible working.

I haven’t consciously decided to have my career take a back seat. I work the same flexible hours as my OH does. His career hasn’t suffered but mine has. It’s just the way it is. I learned long ago not to be pissed off about it as all that resulted in was me being pissed off.

MarchDaffs · 03/02/2020 11:38

I'm specialist more than senior, I should've said. Been management before though.

Original poster
Isitjustme0 · 03/02/2020 11:41

I don’t know whether my opinion is reasonable but it really annoys me that I basically have to choose to sacrifice my career and that my male colleagues will succeed ahead of me purely because I am the one that has kids! Like I realise that it’s my choice to have kids/it is something I want to do, but it just bothers me knowing people my current level will be telling me what to do in a few years just because I had kids and they didn’t (because they’re men). Sorry if that is unreasonable (it probably is a bit self admittedly) but yeah it’s just how I feel!

OP posts:
SueEllenMishke · 03/02/2020 11:43

I don’t know whether my opinion is reasonable but it really annoys me that I basically have to choose to sacrifice my career and that my male colleagues will succeed ahead of me purely because I am the one that has kids! Like I realise that it’s my choice to have kids/it is something I want to do, but it just bothers me knowing people my current level will be telling me what to do in a few years just because I had kids and they didn’t (because they’re men). Sorry if that is unreasonable (it probably is a bit self admittedly) but yeah it’s just how I feel!

Why do you have to sacrifice your career? It isn't just your choice to have a child - doesn't your partner get a say?