Petrified about sleep when baby comes

[mytypeonpaper]

So we're planning to start trying for a baby soon and I'm just petrified about the lack of sleep! If I don't get 8 hours I'm a mess I usually average about 9 hours a night. Our friends have just had to a baby and he's 4 months old now and just dosent sleep! How do you function!? Please tell me it's not going to be as bad as I think 🙈 I know all babies are different but how much sleep did you average when they're small?

DS1 was a beautiful sleeper and I was a smug twat about it. DS2 brought me down a peg or two and frankly nearly broke me. On the upside now they are both in their teens I'm getting to catch up a bit of sleep.

The first 3 months were tough. Often up until the early hours trying to get baby to sleep and frequent waking. Some nights were really hard. BUT that doesn't put me off doing it again. This is from someone that used to love 12 hours of sleep and needed several alarms to wake up!!
Some maternal kind of instinct kicks in and you do get through it. Some days were hazy and I was certainly moody!... if you have people around you to support it'll make a massive difference.

It is as bad as you think it’s hideous but you just have to get on with it. They are worth it though babies are amazing. I was so sleep deprived after a weeks hospital stay I was hallucinating and then baby was up 8-4am some nights .. other nights I would probs get 4-5 hours sleep broken up. His sleep can be shitty now still at 8 months but il just go to bed at 8pm with him if he’s had a bad night... newborn but is more brutal as you never know when or if they’ll sleep. I bloody loved my sleep too pre baby , after my long shifts I’d lay in bed till midday 😫

Mum of 2 under 2 here....

I found pregnancy itself sort of prepares you for it. You're up anything between 1 and 10 times during the night to pee and in the later stages you're so big and uncomfortable that you barely sleep so by the time baby arrives you're used to it.

I've probably scared you off even more lol!

But seriously, you do get used to it and you can find a way for your significant to help sleep wise e.g let them take one of the night feeds if not BF or take a cat nap during the day.

I'm the same as you (or at least I was) sleep wise. Genuinely it's the hardest thing BUT your body does get used to surviving on less. I'm not going to say it's enjoyable but I've felt worse on days pre baby when I've had a bad night's sleep than a bad night now. You just get used to it. I thought I'd feel permanently jet lagged, whilst I am often tired I function ok pretty much all the time.

I'm like you. It is tough, but you learn to function. Whereas previously I could not have done my job properly on less than 7 hours sleep, I did it fine on 5 the other day. Some babies also sleep well - DS slept 5.5 hours straight at 6 weeks and has been sleeping 11-12 hours straight most nights since before he was 12 months. You can nap when the baby naps (not just when they're newborn) and take turns having lie-ins at the weekend. And you go to baby groups. The kind where everyone is sleep deprived and you can congratulate each other on having made it out of the house, even if you are 1.5 hours late

It's not always as tough as the worst stories you hear. DS1 slept like an angel from the moment he was born. Nothing magical or any trickery, he just enjoyed his sleep. DS2 was a swine and didn't sleep through the night til he was three. So we took turns, used a rota, took many, many day naps, let the Grandparents have him so we could sleep and just survived til he decided to behave like a rational human. I survived because I admitted we needed outside resources; when friends visited I'd hand him over and take myself off for a nap. It was rude but needs must.

The main thing we learned was to pull together rather than resent one another. That's the only reason we survived the non-sleeping devil that was DS2.

I'm not going to sugar-coat it op - I really struggled with both sleep deprivation and the general indescribable culture shock with being a new mummy.

In the first 5 weeks of my baby's life, I slept in 1-3 hour stints apart from one occasion when it was 4 hours. It was so hard! I was very emotional / weepy and lived off snacks and caffeine.

After 5 weeks sleep very slowly and very gradually improved with the odd regression thrown into the mix. It was a very tiring time but to be honest you just get used to it. And as cheesy as it sounds there are so many wonderful moments and the love is just indescribable so it's all worth it!

Also worth noting that my baby was exclusively breastfed. It was tough doing all the night feeds but I loved breastfeeding (after a difficult start!) so for me it was worth it. Also we never sleep trained - just lots of love and cuddles and I did - and still do - go and comfort him every time he cries.

By 10 months he started sleeping through the night. Only did it once a week or so but to be honest having adjusted to so many months of broken sleep, "only" once a week felt amazing! When he turned 1 he started sleeping through every night (obviously except teething / illness).

Ds is one a half now, last night I got him to sleep at 7 and he slept until 8 this morning. Things are brilliant now and it can't have been that bad as I'd love to do it all again one day!

@opalescent that is so accurate !!! I am not breezing through this either & I’m at 8 months I fantasise about a night of full sleep !

Cross post

You get used to it. Dc1 was a fairly good sleeper although barely slept for the first 3 months, Dc2 barely slept for the first 2 years - I was getting 4 hours of broken sleep most nights for his first year. Dc3 co-sleeps and I just shove a boob in her mouth and go back to sleep when she wakes so we have a reasonable amount of sleep and it keeps me sane.

Depends on the baby.. I never felt ‘broken’ really. Bed at ten - baby would wake about 1ish and 4ish for 20 mins at a time. Not that hard to deal with.
He slept through from 6 weeks ish and has done 12 hours a night ever since except when ill/teething.
I know that’s luck - and you might get one that never sleeps ever - but if you want children, it’s what you do!

Honestly, I used to 'need' at least nine hours a night. But when DD arrived, I was amazed to find that I actually don't!

You also might not get a bad sleeper. DD has been consistently a good sleeper and I've never really been sleep deprived, bar the odd bad night.

When it happens, you just kind of deal with it because you have to.

Your needs will always take second place to those of your children. Live with it.

I used to need 9 hours straight through or I'd feel like death and not be able to cope. Ds has taught me that I am hardcore and can function on very little broken sleep. It was hard, I really struggled but I am a stronger person for having come through it. If you want children it's worth it! Dd is an absolute breeze in comparison.

How’s your partner with lack of sleep? I really struggle with sleep deprivation but get through it (now on baby number 3) because my husband is amazing at the night stuff. He just doesn’t seem to need as much sleep as me. I’m ebf so have to do the feeds but if the baby won’t settle after a feed he’ll take him downstairs and watch top gear (subtitles on if baby’s crying!) so I can sleep. I try and snooze while feeding too so that I’m not too tired. With baby number 1 I literally felt like I was being tortured by the CIA. It was a horrendous shock. It gets easier each time. Your body adjusts. It’s still pretty damn tough though. Am feeding the baby right now and just wishing I could be asleep...

It’s shit at times. I LOVE sleeping, going to bed, fresh sheets etc and for a while I hated bed time as I knew I’d be up every 2 hours but we put him in his own room and cot at 5.5 months and it’s got much better. He still wakes once or twice a night now at 11 months BUT can go super long chunks without waking up.
You just learn to deal with it.

Oh god so it really is as bad as I'm imaging 😂 thanks everyone it's actually helping me get more mentally prepared. Husband is a surgeon so he does need to get a decent night sleep but he can easily focus on 5/6 hours a night and he's already said when he gets in from work I can go and sleep so that's nice 😂 I'll have to make the must of my sleep from now until then and just hope that I have a good sleepy baby! Any tips on getting them to sleep well?i brought our friends a Ewan the sheep but he dosent like it!

Your body may adapt to an extent. I don't think I slept right through a night from about a month into pregnancy, and the most intriguing thing was that I woke up every 3 or 4 hours while she was in the NICU - so I think my body was automatically assuming that this was necessary.

You'll hopefully be able to grab some sleep during the day (which is probably not an option for you at the moment).

If you're worried, make sure you talk to DH about it, and make sure he'll be on board for helping out. For all the "breast is best" advice, if you are really struggling then an occasional bottle feed so that you can get a proper sleep is not the end of the world. And even without that, he can help by making sure you don't have chores that need to be done when the baby is asleep during the day, so that you can rest then.

I mean, it’s bad but you just sort of function in a baby fog. Nobody expects you to make any sense, least of all yourself. I think it had an irreversible effect on my appearance (3 years without a full night’s sleep I mean) but maybe I would have aged at that point in my life regardless. And anyway, two great humans are a fair exchange for my fresh face

It's not just the baby- it starts when you're pregnant. I didn't feel too bad, the first 6 weeks of dd2 being here, then I realised it's because I hadn't had an unbroken night's sleep since about 10 weeks pregnant (bladder, back, pelvis, breathing, all go to shit!)

Oh you’ll be amazed how little sleep you can survive on. When dd was born we were lucky to get 2 hours, it’s great once that phase is over though, you feel like a superwoman. I’m still awaiting the day where I get a full nights sleep, dd went through a lovely time of giving me 6 hours uninterrupted and then another 6 with feeds, now that’s gone to shit and I’m up every 2 hours but hey at least I’m getting 8 hours sleep even if it is interrupted 😭 sleep training begins tomorrow!

I was the same always thought I needed a good 9 hours sleep but once they are here you just adapt and deal. It's a shock to the system not gonna lie, the 2-3 hour feeds are a lot in the early days but it doesn't last forever. I'm so lucky I have a now 2 yo who sleeps 7-7 with a sometimes 1-2 hour nap in the daytime. Just the tantrums in between I have to worry about now

It's the hardest thing I have ever had to deal with. DS is 15 months and the first time he slept through 7.30-7 for more than one night in a row was last week. Prior to that it was maybe 4-5 times and not before 10 months.

The first 3 months I breastfed around every 2 hours for 30 minutes and then it was a few month of 3 times a night, then twice. At 11 months there was a period where he started nursery, I went back to work, and he was up for hours at 2am. Unfortunately sleep is not linear and sometimes gets worse rather than better.

Honestly I just adapted to about 6 hours of broken sleep and got lots of fresh air but I won't lie, it has been the number one worst thing about being a parent. Even though we mix fed so DH could share the feeds!

Some sleep through from very early on, some wake all the time (mine was every 45 minutes for a very long time), it’s mostly genetic, whatever happens just go with it. Having a baby is for many people the first time they have so little control and they keep trying to get the control back but doesn’t work and brings misery, just go with the flow and all will be fine. And surround yourself with as much support as possible.

But to answer your question, my child woke at least every 3 hrs until he was 2 and didn’t sleep through until he was nearly 3. It sucked. Your body adapts a lot but you are staggering around in a but of a haze yes.

That said I have a friend whose baby slept through the night from day one 🤷‍♀️