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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask for a handhold? Heading for a mental breakdown depending on tomorrow

491 replies

WhyThisLife · 02/02/2020 16:01

Probably not the right section for this but with the traffic AIBU gets, here I am!

I'd like to ask for a handhold, some group support, a chat etc... As I prepare for my hospital appointment tomorrow.

I have been struggling with fertility issues for a while now and I am currently pregnant. Tomorrow is the scan where I find out if this is viable or not (I've had quite a few previously where I've been told they aren't and had to have D&C's or surgery etc...).

It's all taking its toll now and it's taking all my strength to go in that room willingly tomorrow and not being dragged kicking and screaming. I hate being there, I hate watching people coming out before me all happy and going over to the machine to pay for their scan photos, I hate the look on the nurses faces as soon as they can see on the screen and their 'im very sorry' voices when they tell me again, I hate being walked out and put in the 'quiet room' and seeing everyone's sympathetic faces in the waiting room because they know why.

I am seriously concerned about how I will be tomorrow if it's the same news. I am so so so fed up. I feel like I'm heading for some sort of breakdown but I can't bring myself to give up either.

I don't want to worry DH too much (although he does know how I'm feeling), so can I trouble you all for some support/conversation please? I feel so jittery and restless waiting for tomorrow.

OP posts:
Minxmumma · 02/02/2020 22:41

Stood in your shoes many years ago OP. Reading your post I can still feel the anxiety of those days and wanting to hide from the world.

Sending all the strength and hugs I can. Will be thinking of you.

SomethingPhishy · 02/02/2020 23:15

Here's hoping 2020 is your year & that tomorrow is a good day. Thinking of you & hoping for good news xx

Wherearemycrayons · 02/02/2020 23:18

I can’t offer any advice OP. Just that I hope tomorrow brings good news for you, I can’t even imagine the pain and heartbreak you have gone through so many times already.
Sending strength for tomorrow Flowers

Bollocks2Him · 02/02/2020 23:23

I've been there too OP. I also have an iron clad womb that won't let go of my babies after my pregnancies have failed. I've been down each of the routes for "evacuating the retained products of conception" 🙄. I even went without any treatment the last time out of pure morbid fascination with how long my body would hold on to it for .... turns out it was until week 14 - I was 7 when the heartbeat stopped.

That waiting room strikes fear into me. I watched everybody else coming out with their photos, full of smiles and not a care in the world while my brain worked overtime calculating the law of averages and knowing that since everybody else had been given good news the odds were against me.
After my last pregnancy I decided if I became pregnant again I wouldn't go for any early scans at all. (My babies always had a weak heartbeat, so I had to keep going back weekly for scans until the heartbeat eventually stopped). I never became pregnant again though.

I hate knowing somebody else is feeling that same fear and dread 😢.
I'm crossing my fingers and hoping you get good news tomorrow morning. I'll be watching this thread carefully. Good luck!

covetingthepreciousthings · 02/02/2020 23:26

Flowers sending lots of good luck vibes to you & Lucy (who I can't tag). Hope this year will be your years

fligglepige · 02/02/2020 23:29

Lots of love OP, I've been there too. The recurrent miscarriage consultant couldn't find anything wrong except low vitamin D which has now been corrected and he'll give me progesterone when I get a bfp but I'm too scared to get pregnant again. The last time I was in for a scan at 8 weeks when I was told there was no heartbeat (had seen the heartbeat just 4 days earlier) and I didn't even cry. I was expecting it really.

But the consultant also told me, as I'm sure yours has told you, if I kept at it even without any investigation or treatment I would eventually carry a pregnancy. Hope this is it for you Thanks

IlonaRN · 02/02/2020 23:38

As someone who (unfortunately) was also remembered on the EPU - I will keep my fingers crossed for you xx

GrandTheftWalrus · 02/02/2020 23:41

Thinking of you OP xx

Raspberrytruffle · 02/02/2020 23:43

Here is a big hug, I wish I was here to hold you and wipe away those tears. Flowers

BananaBooBoo · 02/02/2020 23:44

Dearest OP. I'm sorry I haven't RTFT and apologises if this has been answered but have you had any options of IVF with preimplantion genetic diagnosis (pgd) ? This should be possible although costly if not covered by nhs. This must have mentioned this at your genetic counselling? Thinking of you for tomorrow x

NunyaBizness · 03/02/2020 01:04

Op do you mind explaining what chromosome displacement is? Does that mean you'll never have a healthy child?

Grandmi · 03/02/2020 01:12

Am sending you big wrap around hugs Xx

CJsGoldfish · 03/02/2020 04:18

Op do you mind explaining what chromosome displacement is? Does that mean you'll never have a healthy child?

No, it absolutely does not mean that and a google search would have prevented you feeling you needed to ask this. When you are in that position, it feels like you will NEVER have a child so that kind of question can really suck depending on where you are.
The OP said she had a translocation of chromosomes. It is not hard to find this information. I know this because I have just had to have a conversation with my son to whom I passed on my own balanced translocation.

AngeloMysterioso · 03/02/2020 05:18

Keeping everything crossed for you OP Flowers

Elle08 · 03/02/2020 06:18

Op keeping you in my prayers. I hope it all goes well today x

castlesfromtherubble · 03/02/2020 06:31

Sending you love, op Thanks

emmaluggs · 03/02/2020 06:35

I can only imagine your feelings as I’ve not been through what you have. Wanted to let you know thinking of you and I hope it goes well today

Robstersgirl · 03/02/2020 06:42

Sending positivity OP FlowersCake

OldMumYoungNan · 03/02/2020 06:42

Hi op
You do know it’s not compulsory to attend scans?

If I had my time over I wouldn’t bother until the 20weeks one.

Please don’t feel pressured to attend. All medical procedures are a choice and you should feel empowered to delay if you need to.

And it’s ok to not be excited. I hated the idea of people peering into my private insides. It was very invasive for me.

I felt better at the 20+ weeks one as there is a clear bump, we are looking at the baby and not me and the baby is more likely to be born alive and have better chances at those later stages.

Flowers
Iamblossom · 03/02/2020 06:50

Good luck. Flowers

LividLaughLovely · 03/02/2020 06:50

Another voice saying #FuckTheQuietRoom.

Losses nearly killed me, one of them literally physically, but it’s the emotional toll that hits hardest.

I’m now 33 weeks (yes to progesterone, clexane, aspirin, vitamin D, counselling, acupuncture, sacrificing goats under a blood moon, whatever it takes) and have had around ten scans so far: panic attack for every single one.

We can’t make it better but we’re here for you and we get it. Good luck xxx

Libertylee · 03/02/2020 06:52

Fingers tightly crossed for a positive outcome today

Oysterbabe · 03/02/2020 06:55

Good luck today. 🍀🤞Flowers

spongejack · 03/02/2020 06:57

II'm wishing you luck and strength xxx

surlycurly · 03/02/2020 06:58

I've been through this with my friend and it's truly horrific. You're a brave, strong woman and I hope for the best news for you today. May I add, after four failed attempts (non viable pregnancy's where the baby stopped developing before 9 weeks), she is currently very pregnant with her first. Sometimes the news is wonderful...