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Original poster

Demands for presents?

97 replies

Thecheekofit1 · 02/02/2020 09:55

Any idea for something to say to a nearly 7 yo relative (who gets spoiled by me anyway) I'm always buying her things and taking her places.

I'm getting rather tired of being reminded it's her birthday soon and I better get her some presents

For a start I've never not bought her anything for birthdays and Christmas.

I think it's very rude and I feel like telling her it is rude to ask for things.

I don't know but it is annoying she has been on about this since practically Christmas was over.

OP posts:
HoneysuckIejasmine · 02/02/2020 09:57

Is it the child asking, yes?

Buy her an Oxfam goat.

PermanentTemporary · 02/02/2020 09:58

Just dont answer - change the subject. I find this very powerful. Agreed it's rude in the extreme.

Start giving her very unexciting stuff. A hair clip or a dull book.

Original poster
Thecheekofit1 · 02/02/2020 09:59

Yes. I saw her yesterday...she whispered down my ear as she left that it is her birthday soon and I better buy her some presents.

Maybe I'm out of touch but I wouldn't have dared.

OP posts:
PermanentTemporary · 02/02/2020 10:00

Omg! The child?? 'I want doesn't get' would seem like the phrase here! Send her a card.

bsc · 02/02/2020 10:00

Why don't you tell her parents she does this? I would be mortified, and my child wouldn't do it again!

Floralnomad · 02/02/2020 10:01

Next time she says it just tell her it’s very rude to ask for presents and if she does it again she won’t be getting any .

Caselgarcia · 02/02/2020 10:01

'i"ll get you the same lovely present as you got me for my birthday'

TheSandgroper · 02/02/2020 10:01

I shut mine up once by firmly saying that Fr Christmas lives down the road from the Easter Bunny and around the corner from the tooth fairy and that they talked to each other.

Her behaviour did improve.

wildcherries · 02/02/2020 10:02

It's rude. But you're always buying her things etc. It's expectation now. Time to manage those. Scale down the spoiling.

Rezie · 02/02/2020 10:03

How are these demands coming about? Like does she call/text or so it when you meet up she talks about birthday? Does the parents know?

DisplayPurposesOnly · 02/02/2020 10:04

I think it's very rude and I feel like telling her it is rude to ask for things.

I don't understand why you wouldn't tell her. She's 7, she doesn't magically have manners; she needs to be taught them. That's where you step in.

Rezie · 02/02/2020 10:04

Cross post. Tell the parents and since you are close with the child you can tell them that it's rude to made demands.

RandomMess · 02/02/2020 10:06

I would stop spoiling her tbh as well as gently telling her it's very rude to ask someone to buy you a gifts

mrsBtheparker · 02/02/2020 10:10

I better buy her some presents.

And you're still even thinking about buying her something?? Find a child's book of good manners and tell her she needs to learn some. My grandson has a January birthday and he said not to get him anything as he had had lovely Christmas presents, just make sure you come to my party tea!

Original poster
Thecheekofit1 · 02/02/2020 10:11

She does it front of her parents and my mum.

My just said she said no such thing.

Her mother doesn't care. When I saw always I may have exaggerated. Maybe on the odd occasion.

You cant watch the tv without her saying can you get me that for my birthday/ Christmas.

I've been flat out replying with no since she started that nonsense 2 years ago.

She so obsessed by stuff.

And yes my birthday is like the Bermuda triangle. After all the engagement, wedding, baby gifts, christening gifts, I get the princely sum of sod all for Christmas and birthday as dont you know they have children now and they're only doing the kids.

OP posts:
HopeYouStepOnALego · 02/02/2020 10:12

Tell her you only buy presents for polite children and it's really not polite to demand gifts. Whisper it in her ear if you need to.

1066vegan · 02/02/2020 10:14

Yes she is rude and she's old enough to be politely told that she's been rude but you admit that you've spoiled her and I do think that you've created this situation.

When my sister and I were small we had an auntie who always used bring us a little present when she came to visit. We started to look forward to the visits because of the presents. My mum realised when she heard us talking about an upcoming visit and wondering what my auntie was going to give us. My mum very sensibly told my auntie to stop bringing presents (she still gave them for birthdays and Christmas). We soon stopped associating her with getting stuff and just looked forward to seeing her instead.

Original poster
Thecheekofit1 · 02/02/2020 10:16

I've created it by occasionally buying her something?!

So none of you ever buy your kids anything outside of xmas and birthdays

It is mainly clothes I buy her

I've created it and not her parents when they buy her stuff to shut her up.

OP posts:
Thehop · 02/02/2020 10:17

Your family sounds a bit self absorbed

Laugh at the spoiled little girl and repeat “I want never gets” if she persists.

When she sulks say “I told you, I want never gets. You weren’t being very generous, asking for presents. I don’t like that.....we can spend some time together playing a game to celebrate your birthday if you’d like?”

Then you’re celebrating with your attention but not the mercenary way she’s demanding.

airbags · 02/02/2020 10:20

Six year olds need to be taught manners - she's still young. Just a polite "it's rude to ask like this" each time she asks should get the message across. Stop ignoring it - the more you let it pass the more she'll do it.

Original poster
Thecheekofit1 · 02/02/2020 10:23

Thing is I haven't let it pass.

Her 6th birthday was a classic. I bought get three things from the same brand. One big one and 2 little ones so it wasnt all huge presents. They all went together too.

She got to the third one and oh it's not going to be more of this is it?!

I said to her face if you dont want it I will take it straight back and in future when someone gives a present you say thank you even if you hate it.

She looked worried and then my mum said in front of her how dare I speak to that poor child like that.

I think I'll send a gift token and duck out this year.

OP posts:
RandomMess · 02/02/2020 10:24

I really would only buy her birthday and perhaps Christmas gifts. Small/inexpensive ones at that...

"I want never gets" is a good phrase to say to her.

It's really sad that she is so materialistic already. Perhaps spend time with her - so Birthday gist is a cake making kit type of thing.

user1493494961 · 02/02/2020 10:25

She's nearly 7, just tell her it's rude to keep asking for things, she's old enough to understand.

BrokenWing · 02/02/2020 10:27

Maybe I'm out of touch but I wouldn't have dared.

She isn't the reason why is changed. The adults around her, including you, are.

If you don't like it either tell her to stop and put in place age appropriate consequences if she doesn't. You don't need her parents to do something about it, your relationship and interaction is between you and her.

If you've already told her to stop, I would firmly tell her, in front of her parents, its rude to keep asking/or to tell and why. Tell her if she does it again she'll be getting socks and nothing else, make sure she knows you mean it. And follow through. She wont do it again.

NoIDontWatchLoveIsland · 02/02/2020 10:28

You are right it's not just you but her parents spoiling that creates this. If it's clothes you buy her, I wouldn't make a deal of giving those to her, i would just hand them to her mum and not make a deal of them, if you must buy them at all. But no, I don't buy DS/DD any toys etc apart from birthday/Christmas. I top up the paints/felt pen stash through the year but it's just replacing what has run out, and we get new books at Easter & to take on summer holiday (activity book for the journey).

Other than talking to the parents about it all you can do is:

  1. don't let her watch tv channels that advertise toys. It contributes to the obsession with stuff.
  2. absolutely no you tube unboxing type videos
  3. perhaps at birthday/Xmas give her an experience instead of more stuff. A trip ice skating or to the cinema etc.