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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect to pay childminder minimum wage

158 replies

SMarie123 · 01/02/2020 20:42

Hello all,

I have had a very heated debate with a colleague and I would like to get an impartial view.

We do the same job in the same company, she looks after Asian clients and I USA. There is one day a week everyone in the department does 9-5. We don't need too much childcare given that DH's both do 9-5. , I have a lovely childminder who I pay a bit above average because she is amazing and flexible and loving. My colleague uses family, which I understand comes with its own challenges.

In the past she has used my childminder to plug some childcare gaps, which is fine for all parties. She does complain that I pay too much but she gets in with it. Anyway her mum is going in for an operation and she wants my childminder to take her Dd with my 3 DC (one is in school but I still pay a levy because the childminder will always pick her up if she is sick and doesn't charge more for holidays)

I said we would have to talk about logistics and pay before we spoke to the childminder. she said ok but I knew it wasn't going to go well .... it transpires she doesn't want to pay more for the childminder taking on 25% more children. She wants to split the hourly rate I pay and pay 25% if that, is that not outrageous? I made the point that in a work capacity you wouldn't opt to take more projects for the same money if you had a choice.

What do people think? I think it is too complicated already so I have to get out of it.

OP posts:
elaeocarpus · 01/02/2020 22:03

Do you have public liability insurance for when her children injure themselves?

BoomBoomsCousin · 01/02/2020 22:04

It’s not wrong to go to the nanny with a proposition, she could always negotiate if she didn’t like it. I would have asked the nanny what she wanted because it makes it more of a collaboration with the nanny rather than a collaboration with the colleague and I would prefer to make the nanny relationship clearly my priority and I think letting her state what she wants and backing that up clearly shows that. But there’s nothing wrong with doing it the other way around and as it happens doing it your way you’ve managed to head of an unreasonable ask before it got anywhere near your nanny.

How does your colleague expect it to work if you want different hours but the care is taking place at your house?

Sleepingboy · 01/02/2020 22:10

Why dont you just say no...your children needs the nannys full attention.

Original poster
SMarie123 · 01/02/2020 22:11

My colleague wouldn't have known that my husband often gets home early on the long day and the nanny leaves. I just would never have told my colleague that.

It would never have been presented to the nanny that she had to take it or couldn't negotiate... I would never have done that!

My colleague was a bit sidelined that I asked about money and I know that sometimes at work she can be unreasonable at first when something gets her by surprise (don't get me wrong I do like her).

OP posts:
SchadenfreudePersonified · 01/02/2020 22:12

Frankly if I were the childminder, I would NOT take on an extra child for the same money. Why should she? More work, more worry, more responsibility and no extra cash - bugger that! Especially when this looks likely to be for several weeks by the looks of it.

I would tell your colleague to do one (in a courteous fashion, obviously).

It really makes me angry that people like your neighbour - who probably wouldn't think twice about spending fifty quid on a takeaway - resent paying a decent wage to someone who they expect to take care of the most valuable things in their lives.

I wouldn't even insult your nanny/childminder y putting her in the position where she has to answer this - it's disgusting!

Tell her to make her own arrangements, or to offer the same amount per child as you do, and then you can ask her, but not put her under pressure - and make sure she knows that and she doesn't feel obligated to say yes if she doesn't want to,

remember, too - that an extra child means she can't keep quite as careful an eye on your DCs. Three sounds plenty to look after on a daily basis to me.

Original poster
SMarie123 · 01/02/2020 22:14

Personally I don't think it is unreasonable to discuss how we would split the payment but lots of people on here seem to think it is.

Actually she did make a very fair point, my dd is not really in the nanny's care because she is in school/ after club so her dc is like a replacement.

OP posts:
PurpleCrazyHorse · 01/02/2020 22:15

I absolutely agree with insurance as others have said. Also, this child will be playing with your children's toys etc. It's not neutral ground, it's your children's home, belongings, bedrooms.

If your neighbour/nanny wants to look after your colleague's child when she doesn't have your children, in another location (colleague's home?), then that's up to her. I wouldn't want another child in the mix, in my home being looked after by someone else and I would tell my nanny that. If you're paying generously, then I doubt she's going to dump your children for your colleague.

Jess827 · 01/02/2020 22:16

This is a ridiculous situation.

Imagine I had a gardener to do my garden 2 days a week. A neighbour, seeing he's in the area, wants him to deal with her plants too. Why would that conversation be any of my business? My gardener might say "nope, sorry, I'm contracted for 8 hours that day to Jess, no capacity". Or the gardener might say "sure, I can fit in 2hrs in the evening on top; but my main job is my priority so comes first, and j won't impact that; my rate is X per hour".

That's it.

I don't even know why your neighbour is discussing it with you; you don't "own" this nanny as a resource to be used, she looks after your children for the agreed rates, and you saying that she can't take on children at the same time as you're paying her to look after your children would be a normal restriction... Anything else aside from that isn't something your neighbour has any business discussing with you.

I'd be a bit Hmm if the neighbour thinks this is a normal expectation.

museumum · 01/02/2020 22:17

No way should this person (nanny not childminder) take an extra child for nothing. She should be paid what you pay per child extra so hourly rate divided by three multiplied by four.

Jess827 · 01/02/2020 22:18

Sorry meant colleague not neighbour... Put it this way, she's taking the piss.

PurpleCrazyHorse · 01/02/2020 22:19

This could also be a permanent arrangement if her mum can no longer do any childcare. Do you want this child in your home permanently? Do you want to subsidise ongoing childcare costs for this child? Do you want to negotiate with this colleague over childcare for the foreseeable future?

SluggishSnail · 01/02/2020 22:21

I pay £18 ph for 3 hours

Not really the point, but if you're paying £18ph for 3 hours, that is very far from the minimum wage, which is £8.21ph

It doesn't mean your colleague can crash in on your arrangements though.

LouReidDododo · 01/02/2020 22:22

She’s a baby sitter. My road had one called Aunty Jean.

CloudPop · 01/02/2020 22:23

Tell her to sort her own childcare arrangements out and leave you with your relationship with your childminder intact

nauticant · 01/02/2020 22:23

The thing I'm missing from your posts OP is what you yourself actually want. What would be the ideal outcome for you? What it be that your colleague doesn't get involved in a childcare arrangement that, so far, seems to work just as you want it to?

OP: what do you actually want?

TSSDNCOP · 01/02/2020 22:25

Fuck that shit. NEVER, EVER piss off your help. EVER.

See also Mechanic, Plumber, Receptionist, PA, Maitre’d and Concierge.

EVER!

Bringonspring · 01/02/2020 22:25

Your nanny isn’t a commodity which you dictate on.

notthemum · 01/02/2020 22:26

Ex childminder here.
Firstly the lady you employ is A NANNY she IS NOT A CHILDMINDER. It is your decision as to whether you would be happy for her to look after an extra child/extra children in your home. However the NANNY would have to decide if she wishes to do this. As a pp suggested you would need to check your insurance as to public liability (parent might try to sue if her child had an accident). your normal insurance as well as you will not be at home and the child is not yours & being looked after by someone else, what happens if she breaks something ? There is as a pp said the issue of food.
Depending on age of child/children your NANNY may need to be Ofsted registered so this would need looking into first (and can take ages) . Finally the CF shoulßort out her own childcare. It is not up to you to do this for her.

FraglesRock · 01/02/2020 22:27

If you think your nanny will get walked over I think it's nice to intervene. Especially if it might turn into a longer thing.
I'd divide out what you pay per hour per child and say that's her rate per child. She should be compensated taking on another child.
Then message nanny
Dear nanny, colleague has asked about you having her child on X-day for xhours. I don't want you to do it for free and be taken advantage of so I've told her your rate is £x. I'm also worried it'd turn into a long term thing so I wanted you to let you know I don't mind if you say no it's too much.

Also remember this is happening in your house so it's also ok for you to say no.

FraglesRock · 01/02/2020 22:28

But also yes to insurance, food, activities costs, craft costs, toys that are broken etc. There is a cost to you also.

Beautiful3 · 01/02/2020 22:29

Honestly, I would tell her your nanny said no and she needs to find her own childcare arrangement.

AgeShallNotWitherHer · 01/02/2020 22:29

Not in a million years. Seriously it will be a nightmare wrinkledimple has it spot on. Her child gets sick - in your house. Your child gets sick, (do you tell friend's child she can't come?) If your child gets sick - do you tell friend's child she can't come and Nanny she has to lose money? Or does nanny go with CF's child out of the house and leave your child at home? Who pays for snacks, drinks, food, treats?

Let friend sort her own childcare

MartiniDry · 01/02/2020 22:32

You'll be leaving yourself open to all manner of problems if you allow this. Your Nanny's salary is only part of it.
You need to consider your liability if the child is injured in your home, particularly if, as it seems, you're not paying tax and NI for her and thus she's running a business in your premises.

How will you feel if (when?) your colleague is late to pick up and you're trying to settle your own children while they watch CFs child carry on playing? Do you want somebody else's child in your home when you're attempting to get some down time? Does your husband?

Do you and CF have similar enough parenting styles or will you be tearing your hair out because your children want to have green hair/jump on the sofas/play at the dinner table like Johnny does?

If the CF and Nanny fall out you could find yourself stuck somewhat awkwardly in the middle. I honestly cannot think of a single way in which this would benefit anyone but CF.

Original poster
SMarie123 · 01/02/2020 22:34

Re What do I want?

I am always happy for my nanny to get more hours and more money. I have even changed my work hours before on her request. I have found her a lot of leads ( also helped out her nieces with babysitting because I know the whole family). I don't put her under any pressure to take the jobs though, because it is nothing to do with me, I am just happy to see her do well.

The only reason I got involved her was because it was at the same time that my kids are being cared for. I wanted to make sure the rate was fair, I had a feeling it was going to be a bit tight and I thought the nanny might think I was behind the scene trying to get a cheaper hourly rate for myself WHICH I NOT THE CASE. A lot of people are surprised I am paying for dd in 2 types of childcare.... I feared the nanny might think I had an agenda.

OP posts:
FlowerArranger · 01/02/2020 22:37

Honestly, I would tell her your nanny said no and she needs to find her own childcare arrangement.

THIS

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