Here we go, first AIBU {nerves} but I would like to know.
This is long and boring!!!
I am from abroad and I am learning playground etiquette here. From what I gather in MNet it is a big no no to tell off another child, unless someone is in danger.
I am also very aware that nobody is perfect and I have a DS and a DD, I understand you might have several kids to watch or a crappy day or a break.
I was in an indoor learning space / playground with my family. DS is 2 and was running around trying the different activities.
DH and I were taking turns or both of us supervising. This area has lots of signs saying children have to be supervised and the activities are for parents and children to enjoy together (you learn as you do the things and read and try things out)
I actually work for this organisation but in a different site (I used to work for this one), I was not on duty, I am on leave.
When DS went to try on activity, an older child around 6/7, a boy (relevant for the post) told him he couldn’t do it, he would never do it and DS was sad but kept trying. I jokily said “never say never” and smiled. Then said child said “I am the only one allowed to be here”
I distracted DS and went somewhere else.
A while later he went inside a little den with DH and as they came out DH said the boy was there blocking their path to the top level of the den and he had to ask him to please not touch my son and they left.
We again went somewhere else. Later on DS wanted to have a go in the den and get to the top so we went and the boy wasn’t there. He got to the top and the boy rushed inside and pushed him out, then proceeded to push and block others including his friends. He said “this is only for me”
I was aware about the not telling other children off MNet rule but also wanted my son to know it is not ok to do that as I won’t want him to do the same to others or think this is ok behaviour to put up with.
So I said “this is for everyone to enjoy, not just you, I will find a member of staff so they can explain”
He said “you might not find a member of staff”
So I said “ok I will go and talk to your mum”
And I left to find the mum. I did as I had already notice who she was, sitting with a friend having coffee and chatting. I approached (I am usually very bad at standing up for myself)
I said excuse me is your son over there? She said yes. I said well he has been pushing and blocking the door for children there and could you perhaps go check?
She said oh yes there has been punching and fighting there. Is your son there too, they are all doing it.
I said no, my son is now somewhere else and he has not been pushing, he is 2. I then pointed out at the boy and asked if that was her son. She said yes and the boy came over.
She said “this lady is saying you are pushing and blocking” he said oh we are letting people through now.
All I wanted was for the mum to have a word and perhaps an apology but to be honest I didn’t care much about the apology. I just wanted to be able to enjoy the place!
Anyway. The boy left and the mum’s friend said to me Well, others are pushing too. I said well I am not going to be talking to every parent, it was just this boy that pushed / block my son so I was hoping he could be supervised.
The mum then said well, I am not going in there, this is what boys do.
😖😖😖 This rubbed me the wrong way and I said: you mean this is what boys and girls do?? No, this is what some might do when they are not being supervised.
[context. I disagree with not holding both boys and girls to the same standards and I hate the “boys will be boys”. No. We can’t let boys behave in a way because they are boys. And no, I don’t think that was right.]
She said “I don’t have to listen to this”
I said no, but please supervise. (At this point I was pissed off because she just seemed to excuse her 6/7 yo pushing 2 yo children because “this is what boys do”
So YABU= I should ignore in the future and just tell my son we can’t play there and find another area and not approach parents.
If you vote this can you please give feedback because as I said where I come from parents are happy for others to “tell their children off” and quite grateful too😁 (I don’t do this as I have lived here for a long time)
I also don’t want my son to think he can let others walk all over him but I want him to be safe too.
YANBU= being a boy is not an excuse and if a parent approached you then you will go and supervise, perhaps say sorry or say something to your child?
Thank you!