Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To take her phone?

84 replies

Fatasfooook · 01/02/2020 17:35

My 12 year old has her friend over to sleep for the night. My daughter has a phone but not a smart phone, she can text and phone - that’s it. Her friend has an iPhone, complete with all the apps, snapchat and tick tick etc.
Since she arrived the two of them have been glued to friends phone. I’m uncomfortable with this but am accepting it. My question is, when it comes to sleep time can I ask friend to leave her phone downstairs? We have a no devices in bedrooms overnight rule. I will tell friend where it is and she can get it if she needs it at any point. I won’t hide it. Just ask that it’s left in the living room overnight. Is this an unreasonable thing to do?

OP posts:
ViaSacra · 01/02/2020 17:40

Yes - it’s not your property.

One evening of looking at a friend’s phone isn’t going to turn your daughter into a screens addict. You sound rather precious.

Original poster
Fatasfooook · 01/02/2020 17:41

You sound rather judgmental but thanks for your input.

OP posts:
Wildorchidz · 01/02/2020 17:43

I would contact the girl’s parents and ask if it would be ok to ask her to do this.
If they say yes, happy days.
If the answer is no then can you cut off the WiFi?

TheMustressMhor · 01/02/2020 17:45

I would take it away but you are about to get two hundred people telling you YABU.

If you ask the child to leave the phone in the living room overnight she will probably sneak down and get it once you're in bed.

If you want to ensure the girls don't use the phone overnight, take it into your room.

heartsonacake · 01/02/2020 17:45

YABU. She’s not your daughter and it’s her own property; you can’t take it from her (or attempt to coerce her into giving it up and leaving it downstairs).

TheMustressMhor · 01/02/2020 17:46

Actually, turning off the WiFi is the best thing to do.

Lalala205 · 01/02/2020 17:47

I'd say no as it's not your Dds phone and her friends parents will have their own rules. It's a sleepover and 1 night, half the fun of it is 'breaking rules' ie staying up half the night, eating lots of sweets, watching a film.

Spacerader · 01/02/2020 17:47

Yabu, it's not your property. Do as a pp said, turn off the router. Especially if she has a phone with no data, which I know many of my dds friends do and just use it when connected to wifi.

Original poster
Fatasfooook · 01/02/2020 17:48

Yes, I think il turn off the WiFi. Thanks

OP posts:
BitOfFun · 01/02/2020 17:48

If the wifi is switched off, it will just connect to the 4G and much a lot of data, possibly leading to a rather nasty increase in the monthly bill.

I'd call her mother.

BitOfFun · 01/02/2020 17:49

*munch

Janus · 01/02/2020 17:51

I had my daughter’s friend, year 7, 11 years old (although many now 12), stay last night and I asked them both to put their phones downstairs at 11.30pm. To be honest I even felt a little odd but her mum is one of my closest friends and I know she wouldn’t have minded. I’d ask the mum if I were you.
The only real reason I did this is because my daughter went to a sleepover of 5 of them a few weeks ago and they were WhatsApping and ringing other friends at 3am so didn’t want a repeat of that and that my own daughter doesn’t have it in her room at night. My daughter has another friend who struggles with sleepovers, often gets upset and we had her a few weeks ago and I left her phone with her incase that helped. It’s a difficult one!

thebluearsefly · 01/02/2020 17:54

You sound rather judgmental but thanks for your input

I mean...it’s AIBU - you’re literally asking for judgement.

Original poster
Fatasfooook · 01/02/2020 17:57

thebluearsefly

You sound rather judgmental but thanks for your input

I mean...it’s AIBU - you’re literally asking for judgement.

Good point 😂

OP posts:
MintyMabel · 01/02/2020 17:57

Don’t take it away. You sound like you have weird issues about smartphones. Don’t make it embarrassing for your daughter.

I mean...it’s AIBU - you’re literally asking for judgement.

👍 Exactly.

HeckyPeck · 01/02/2020 17:59

YANBU. Your house, your rules.

Just say that you have a no phones in bedrooms overnight rule.

Nothing2doooooo · 01/02/2020 18:00

YANBU. You're not "taking it from her" fgs! It's your house, you have a bedtime rule. She has to follow it and you're gently (not forcibly) asking that she keeps her phone away from the bedroom. It's not like she is an on call doctor who needs her phone.

Any sensible parent who has allowed their child go on a sleepover should be able to say yes to that sort of request (and I don't actually think you NEED her parent's permission for that).

It's bed time, you don't allow phones in the bedroom. Her phone stays somewhere else.

You're not confiscating her phone.

HmmPeople!

thebluearsefly · 01/02/2020 18:02

Fatasfooook Grin feel free to judge me for using the word “literally” when it wasn’t literal

Ellisandra · 01/02/2020 18:04

I just had eight 11yo’s for a sleepover last night. Bedtime - all phones in a box with me. One child opened their mouth to protest, and the combination of my steely eye and seeing 7 others hand them over without complaint, soon had her reconsider!
I warn: 10 minutes guys, if your parents tend to message you, can you please let them know now, so they’re not worried when you don’t reply? Thanks!

Hoghgyni · 01/02/2020 18:06

The whole point of a No Phones at Night rule is for this very reason. Your own DD should be trusted and the risk only exists because she has a friend sleeping over.

Dragonembroidery · 01/02/2020 18:26

If my 12yo was at any other adults house (with her friends) , they would have a phone to contact me if needed. Get out of the 1970s.
It's definitely safeguarding and would be quite a red flag for me of you were to remove it.
Also sleepovers are often up all night. Welcome to sleepovers.
It's not really your house your rules culture anymore. Safeguarding is important.

Most kids have fancy smartphones too. You're denying your child access to modern socialising but that's another thread.

Wildorchidz · 01/02/2020 18:29

It's definitely safeguarding and would be quite a red flag for me of you were to remove it.

I would suggest you need to rethink allowing your child to go to sleepovers.

MintyMabel · 01/02/2020 18:33

It's your house, you have a bedtime rule

Is there a single bedtime rule kept at a sleepover?

People really need to lighten up about tech.

Nothing2doooooo · 01/02/2020 18:34

Exaggeration and drama 101!Hmm

I would think if the child needed to contact her mum, the adult she's in the care of would either help or she could still get her phone and do so.

Unless the child has some special reason to keep her phone with her (nightmares, sensitivity issues, first time sleep over and a bit dependent, etc) it should be no big deal to keep the phone in the loving room or somewhere safe for her.

mbosnz · 01/02/2020 18:35

Sorry, but it's still my house my rules. Perhaps it could be a good idea to clarify with the parents in future prior to the sleepover, that they feel their child will be perfectly safe at your house without a phone welded into their hand for the entire time, and are comfortable with the rule that there's no mobile phones in the bedrooms at bedtime?

The phone is still going to be available to contact the parent - just not in the bedroom.