To think it's actually hard for some people not to have an affair?

[swimmingpoolshower]

I promise this is not relating to a personal experience, just from conversations with friends who have either cheated or whose partners have had affairs.
We're always telling people that they should leave their significant others before having any sort of connection with another person, including what is now termed 'emotional affairs.' Most people I know who have cheated weren't looking to cheat and only doubted their relationship when they met the other person. Therefore the timeline must be:
1.) meet someone
2.) feel a connection
3.) quickly leave dw/dh
4.) ask other person if they're interested
5.) get rejected and have nothing/ have affair

I don't see how people are expected to not commence some sort of 'pre-affair' before leaving their husband/wife. My friend whose dh left her recently said that she was horrified he hadn't tried to make it work with her after he realised that he had feelings for OW. By then surely it's too late?
I don't think people who cheat are terrible people as no one can predict who you're going to meet and how you would feel if you found a strong connection with someone else whilst you're in a serious relationship.

I completely agree with you OP. There is a big difference between:

1. am unhappy in my relationship, worked on the relationship unsuccessfully and now thinking of leaving (which is a difficult decision and can be difficult to actually do). Then you meet someone one else and realise that this new person is better for you for whatever reason, then ending current relationship before staring physical relationship with new person. I don't see anything wrong with this morally. Your relationship was dead and you met someone else.

1. Having an emotional or physical affair with another person having not tried to fix problems in current relationship, not having tried to ride the tough wit the smooth, with perhaps even no intention of leaving current relationship, or having multiple consecutive affairs with people. Not fine.

1 is understandable, 2 is not. Morals are not black and white however much you'd like them to be.

I think some people stay together because they have kids. They want their kids to grow up with both parents together, finances prevent them splitting up etc and the way they manage to do that is by getting their ‘kicks’ elsewhere.
If you’re in a happy marriage/ relationship I think it’s easy to stand in judgement.

I would disagree about staying for the kids, most people who stay in unhappy marriages, stay because they are worried about reducing their standard of living. It is not in the benefit of children to grow up in an environment full of resentment, but that is another thread altogether.

I do agree, however,that if both parents are happy and friendly in an open marriage, that is respectful to the kids’ needs and perspective, then the kids will be ok.