Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4

Original poster

To ask when you felt comfortable leaving your baby with eg. MIL, a family member, etc

90 replies

LaBelleSauvage · 31/01/2020 21:43

Our first baby is due in March. We have a couple of invitations to birthdays/events 4 weeks and 8 weeks after the due date. Was chatting to DH about it and he seems more relaxed than me about the idea of leaving our new baby with MIL and to RSVP yes. I'm more of the opinion that we should thank the hosts but let them know that we'll have a new baby and will have to let them know nearer the time whether it'll be possible to attend. I am planning to breastfeed but to also express if possible so that DH can assist with feeds.

The AIBU regarding the RSVP isn't that important; the main thing I'm wondering in general is:

How soon before you felt comfortable leaving your baby with someone else for a few hours, a day, or indeed overnight?

Thanks in advance mums and dads of MN!

OP posts:

BecauseReasons · 31/01/2020 21:46

I'd wait and see before you RSVP. I wasn't comfortable with it until almost a year in. Plus, if you're breastfeeding, leaving baby for any length of time 4-8 weeks in may be a tall order.

Bigfatspiders · 31/01/2020 21:48

Mine are 3 and 5. I’ll let you know when it happens. 😂

leghairdontcare · 31/01/2020 21:48

My mum, straight away. I had an event two weeks post partum that I couldn't get out of so my mum had the baby (DH was with me). That was about 6 hours in the evening. This is my second baby though so I can be more pragmatic about it. With my first it was about 3 months+

mindutopia · 31/01/2020 21:48

My mum for an hour or two maybe around 9-12 months. MIL or other family only after about 2. We don’t have many family who are particularly competent with children though.

CooCooCoo · 31/01/2020 21:48

Years 🙈🤣

Everyone’s different

yeraballoon · 31/01/2020 21:49

We left DS with MIL when he was sleeping for a couple of hours at 3 months.
At 5 months with my mum for a few hours during the day.
A couple of hours twice a month maybe from around 9 months.
First over night he was 14 months.
I can't say I felt fully comfortable about leaving him until he was a toddler.
I couldn't have brought myself to leave him when he was a newborn.
That doesn't mean I'm right or anyone else is wrong. Just my personal feelings.

PapayaCoconut · 31/01/2020 21:51

DD is 5. She's never been left overnight with anyone.

CherryPavlova · 31/01/2020 21:51

I’d think you might not have fully established a decent milk supply by four weeks. It’s still early days and breastfeeding usually takes a few weeks to settle into a sufficient supply to express.
I could never really express much despite feeding each baby for a couple of years.
I’d wait and see how it goes.

Oysterbabe · 31/01/2020 21:51

I first left DD overnight when she was 2. DS is 2 now and I've never left him. He's still breastfed. I hate leaving them.
It's recommended that you don't express until about 6 weeks.

DonnaDarko · 31/01/2020 21:52

Less than 4 weeks in, my sister looked after DS while we went to the movies. She and a close family friend have done overnights from when DS was roughly a year old.

yeraballoon · 31/01/2020 21:53

If you're breastfeeding you're really not going to be able to leave them at that age. It just won't be possible.
Also I know everyone is different but I bled heavily for 6 weeks after birth, had milk oversupply so was leaking and had sore breasts a lot, had painful stitches that took 8 weeks to heal. DS latch was terrible too so I was hooked up to a breast pump every 3 hours.
I think it would be more realistic to ask if you can take the baby and if it's a no to just turn the invitation down.
Ps of course dh is more relaxed about leaving the baby, he isn't growing it inside him.

mindutopia · 31/01/2020 21:53

Honestly, you probably won’t feel like going anywhere at 4 weeks. At 8 weeks, I could have gone somewhere for an hour or two but left dh with baby. It really will be some time probably before you are back out to being social. A tiny baby will sleep happily in a wrap, so you can easily take them with you. If friends aren’t happy with that, well, that’s fine, just invite them over for a birthday lunch one day instead.

Generallybewildered · 31/01/2020 21:54

My dd - didn’t leave her overnight until 1 year, when I ended up pregnant with her brother! I went back to full time work at 6 months so was leaving her for a few hours at a time from 4 months, building up over that time.

My son was very poorly. I spent far too long away from him for months. I spent far too long away from my daughter at the same time.

I think your reply is perfect - we would like to go but I’m not sure if I’ll be happy leaving my baby. Each mum is different.

Original poster

LaBelleSauvage · 31/01/2020 21:54

Thanks for all the replies; really helpful to get an idea of how other new parents felt!

@Bigfatspiders

OP posts:

MNuser12345 · 31/01/2020 21:54

My mum and dad. - pretty much immediately to baby sit, and had the baby overnight at about 4 months old so u could attend my best friends wedding.

But everyone is different. There is no right and wrong. Wait and see how you feel !

Bibijayne · 31/01/2020 21:54

Not left overnight yet (17 months) we did leave him with my parents for three hours on an evening when he was 4 months old as we both had our work Xmas meals the same night. It depends on what you mean by leave? Is it a couple of hours in the day, an evening? Or is it a few nights away?

I think 4 weeks may be hard. Especially if you go over and baby is only two weeks or if you have a C-section etc.

I'd probably say no to the 4 weeks ones and ask if you can RSVP to the other events after baby is here

Cornettoninja · 31/01/2020 21:55

At four there is only one person I’ll leave dd with and that’s rarely due to living a fair distance away. It’s also a fairly new development because bedtime/sleeping through reliably is a (very welcome) victory that was a long time coming so pretty precious and not to be messed with!

In theory I was more than ready for dd to have an evening/night away from me at around eight months but she really wasn’t ready.

rottiemum88 · 31/01/2020 21:56

I've only ever left DS with my mum or MIL for a couple of hours during the day, maybe 3 or 4 times in total and he's now 12 months. First time was with MIL when he was just over 4 weeks old, as it was my birthday and DH had bought me an afternoon tea as what he thought would be a nice, relaxing surprise. I almost refused to get back in the car after we dropped him off and I cried all the way to the venue, but I trust MIL implicitly and he was absolutely fine. It was definitely too soon for me though and I imagine it'll be a looong time before I'm ready to contemplate overnights. DS is likely to ask for them before I do

violetfern · 31/01/2020 21:59

My DD is 5 months and breastfed. Personally it took 6-8 weeks to establish breastfeeding, and as she’s fed on demand she can sometimes feed anything from every 1-3 hours still. I’ve not left her for more than a couple of hours (mainly with my mum whilst I have a nap upstairs!) even up to now, but I do have friends who have managed an overnight stay eg for a wedding, having expressed for a bottle. I think you won’t really know until your baby is here, so YANBU to let them know nearer the time.

kiki22 · 31/01/2020 22:00

Ds1 3 weeks old he stayed with my mum but there where a lot of factors and I needed a rest physically and mentally I wasn't well.

Ds2 about 8 weeks he slept great and I wasn't too bothered about him going but mum asked and I didn't mind so he went.

Do what feels right I know far to many people who don't want to leave kids when they are desperate for a break because of what others will think I know a few who have been pressured into leaving them and not been happy. It's such an individual thing not only person to person but baby to baby. Both of my kids are extremely close to me but love a sleepover at granny/nannas and really enjoy their time I enjoy the rest and usually use it to recharge over going out.

coconutpie · 31/01/2020 22:01

Congratulations! Decline the invitations. I wouldn't have felt comfortable leaving a 4 week old or 8 week old baby to attend non-essential events.

Also, expressing so that your DH can help with the feeds is madness. It's not recommended to express so early on while your milk supply is establishing itself. Expressing is also a lot of work for you. Why would you create work for yourself so that your DH can "help"? He can help by doing a million other things which don't involve a whole load of effort by you. Get him to help which eases the burden off you rather than adding burden.

babybrain77 · 31/01/2020 22:02

These answers are making me feel soooooo much better about being unwilling/unable to leave 11mo DS with anyone else overnight.

OP - your instincts are spot on. Maybe you'll feel up to it, maybe you won't. Try to avoid committing to something which you would feel bad about cancelling when baby arrives. I had a rough time of bfing and was still struggling badly at 4 weeks, barely comfortable at 8 weeks - give yourself time!

MRex · 31/01/2020 22:04

Even if you find breastfeeding straightforward you might find expressing very hard / impossible. You're having a baby, life is about to change, you both need to start coming to terms with that.

GrandTheftWalrus · 31/01/2020 22:04

4 weeks. She went to my mums so I could go on an xmas night out. As my friend that I went with that night died exactly 2 years later to the day I'm glad I went.

CatFaceCats · 31/01/2020 22:05

My daughter was about 3 weeks, we went to a show for my partners birthday and my mum watched her. Then, once she was a couple of months (and i was pregnant again!) my MIL took her out in the pram for a few hours everyday. From about 5 months, my daughter stayed with my mum once a month, and when my son came along, mum took them both once he was about 6 months old.
They are 7 and 8, and both love sleepovers at nanas and grannnies houses :)

Flip

1 2 3 4

Swipe left for the next trending thread