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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask when you felt comfortable leaving your baby with eg. MIL, a family member, etc

90 replies

LaBelleSauvage · 31/01/2020 21:43

Our first baby is due in March. We have a couple of invitations to birthdays/events 4 weeks and 8 weeks after the due date. Was chatting to DH about it and he seems more relaxed than me about the idea of leaving our new baby with MIL and to RSVP yes. I'm more of the opinion that we should thank the hosts but let them know that we'll have a new baby and will have to let them know nearer the time whether it'll be possible to attend. I am planning to breastfeed but to also express if possible so that DH can assist with feeds.

The AIBU regarding the RSVP isn't that important; the main thing I'm wondering in general is:

How soon before you felt comfortable leaving your baby with someone else for a few hours, a day, or indeed overnight?

Thanks in advance mums and dads of MN!

OP posts:
ArtichokeAardvark · 31/01/2020 22:07

I went to a wedding when DS was 4 weeks and left him with my mum, but only for 4-5 hours. First overnight without me was around 6 months.

I didn't breastfeed though so it was easier to leave him from that respect.

BecauseReasons · 31/01/2020 22:07

Oh, overnight it still hasn't happened. DD is 19 months old.

Purpleartichoke · 31/01/2020 22:08

2 years.

I was barely functional at 4 weeks. A party would not have happened.

Wifeofbikerviking · 31/01/2020 22:10

I'd wait and see. I didnt leave my son with MIL until last month (at 21months old🙈) and shes the first person I would have called if we had needed before. I've not needed to leave him as such, if there had been something important I probably would have been ok with a few hours at about a year old or so

MsChatterbox · 31/01/2020 22:10

I know I'm in a minority but it was close to two years old. He was 2 in November and overnight won't be happening for a long time yet. In fact I'm dreading leaving him to give birth in June!

Charis1503 · 31/01/2020 22:14

My mum watched ds for a few hours when he was about 5 weeks old. He was in special care for the first few weeks so probably only home 2 weeks.

I breastfed but also expressed from day one (so the nurses could feed him) and never had any issues. We went to a wedding when he was 8 weeks old and he came to the day part and went off for a few hours and 2 expressed feeds with my mum for the evening.

Id say its probably physically quite possible assuming your baby will accept a bottle... how you will feel emotionally is another question entirely! x

Deelish75 · 31/01/2020 22:15

I left both of mine when they were both about a week old with DP. It was for less than an hour and it was for medical reasons (for me).

The first time DP and I left them for a few hours it was with my inlaws. DS would have been about 9 months, DD about 12 months.

amazedmummy · 31/01/2020 22:22

I had an afternoon at the supermarket a few weeks ago. DS was with DP, he would have been about 6/7 weeks. Me and my sister have a gig booked in June a few hours from home so DS will be with DH overnight. He'll be 7 months almost exactly.

OvertiredandConfused · 31/01/2020 22:25

I would say that the only “right” answer is when you are ready - assuming your DC will settle. I live 5 minutes from my DM and my DD first stayed with her when she was about two weeks old. DS was slightly older. But I didn’t (couldn’t) BF so that helped. My niece stayed with me at about four months.

At this stage, keep your options open and then, when the time comes, don’t let anyone make you feel guilty about what you decide - and some will try whatever you do

Putyourdamnshoeson · 31/01/2020 22:32

1, and Tbh I wasn't really happy.

GaryWilmottsTeeth · 31/01/2020 22:38

I had 3 days away from DD when she was 10 weeks, which was unavoidable. I was expressing which made things logistically tricky and I missed her loads but we all survived. Just play it by ear.

GrumpyHoonMain · 31/01/2020 22:40

My baby is 8 weeks old. I express and have great supply but would need to pack at least 1 litre of milk for everyday someone has him. No night out is worth that effort!!

raspberryk · 31/01/2020 22:45

You'll potentially have a 2 week old at the first event, there's no way I'd have left my baby anywhere at all at 2 weeks even for an hour.

ButtonandPickle19 · 31/01/2020 22:45

Some people are still barely able to walk about at 8 weeks so depends on your labour. Breastfeeding makes it harder. I left my 3 month old for four hours last week with my mum and sisters and I found it hard

Callingyounique · 31/01/2020 22:47

In the day I was happy leaving them from the start. Overnight about 5 months.
Oh and I wasn’t depressed and was bonded strongly to my babies from the minute they were burn but leaning them was not an issue.

TheMobileSiteMadeMeSignup · 31/01/2020 22:47

At 4 weeks old I could barely have told you my name never mind gone out for any length of time. Breastfeeding was still hard, I was still recovering from an emergency section (DD turned breech a few days before due but we didn't know until I rocked up at the maternity unit having had my waters break already and in active labour).

Once the breastfeeding got manageable I happily left her with either set of GPs for a couple of hours and at a few months she had dropped night feeds so I could settle her to bed and go out for dinner or later, so long as I was there for morning feeding.

Expressing just didn't work for me, I could do enough to have an emergency stash in case she needed it while I was out but she didn't really like bottles so she was breastfed until fully weaned at a year and 5 weeks.

I think your DH hasn't quite got the idea that at 4 weeks (and 8 weeks even) a baby will not be sleeping all night, you'll both be sleep deprived (if he is half decent and gets up to do changes etc after feeds) and the thought of getting dressed up and presentable is laughable.

DesLynamsMoustache · 31/01/2020 22:48

We left DD with my mum for a couple of hours when she was three months old so we could go out for DH's birthday. We also left her for an evening with one of my good NCT friends when we got married when she was 10mo (DD was at the ceremony but we went for drinks and a meal after). I'd happily leave her with my DM for any length of time during the day but still not comfortable leaving her overnight anywhere.

BigGreenBaskets · 31/01/2020 22:48

DC1- left with my mum for an hour at 6 weeks so we could dash out and have dinner alone. We were gone 45 minutes, I felt really anxious and dashed back. Didn't leave baby again with anyone (other than DH but not counting that) until almost 1. Has never been left alone with MIL at almost 3 other than a 15m trio to the park (she's well meaning but too scatty to be trusted safety wise).

DC2 is 5 months and I've left once with my mum for an hour. Next time I leave will be at 10 months when I go back to work.

Floribundance · 31/01/2020 22:51

Unless you’re having a planned c-section remember that you might have a 2 to 6 week old baby for these events.

No one will be able to tell you how you’re going to feel at that stage, so I’d say if they’re good friends be honest and say you’d love to come but you won’t be sure you can until closer to the time. Some people exclusively BF for months and yet struggle to express much milk. You might not be able to leave your baby for a few hours or you may not want to leave your baby for a few hours.

Isithometimeyet0987 · 31/01/2020 22:52

3 weeks I think dd was when I first left her with my mum and dad. And about 6/7 weeks I left her with my auntie (she’s like a second mum to me). Me personally never had a problem leaving her with very close family a trusted but the first time she was left with a childminder was around 9/10 months. First over night with away from her was 3 months she stayed with my mum and dad she’s 4 now and has had plenty of sleepovers at Nana and grandads or auntie name when we go over home or they come to stay with us, my parents come over to London 8/10 weeks for varying lengths of time.

LittleTopic · 31/01/2020 22:52

My mum had my DD overnight at 2 weeks and now I feel like a shit mum reading these comments 😂

Noshowlomo · 31/01/2020 22:54

9 weeks. He was with the MIL overnight. We hasn’t slept at all and I was ready to jump off something so she had him overnight and we were beyond grateful.
He also stayed with my parents for a few hours around 10 weeks for us to go buy a new car. I wasn’t at all uncomfortable about leaving him with our parents so early on.

HomerSimpsonSmilingPolitely · 31/01/2020 22:54

At 8 weeks old my daughter and I were still trying establish breastfeeding. It was challenging for us. I wouldn't have left her at 8 weeks old, even just with my husband, for that reason. Perhaps if breastfeeding had been easy for us I would have felt differently, but I'm not sure. At 5 months old I still don't feel "comfortable" leaving her with anyone, even close family. I just do it when I have to.

Ineedcoffee2345 · 31/01/2020 22:55

First baby stayed over night with in laws at 2 weeks old. Was my sisters 30th birthday. Now at almost 3 she loves sleepovers with her aunties grandparents on both sides etc.
Dd2 is 10 weeks and has been out without me etc but not over night. Its not that I don't feel ready we just haven't needed the kids babysat yet.
You will know yourself if your ready or not.

Noshowlomo · 31/01/2020 22:56

*hadn't
@LittleTopic i would have let him stay out at 2 weeks if we’d had the offer. I was exhausted!