So my husband works more than I do

[PebbleStone22]

DH has told me that I should do bedtime routine for our son more than him, as he works more. He is full time. I work 22.5hrs/week.

I have swiftly informed him to have a chat with his manager on Monday about going part time and I'll go back to full time. Then he can see how little I work.
Aibu?

Ok

YADNBU.

I despair of any relationships surviving where there is no shared ownership of responsibility. Of course you should do more because he works more hours. It’s just logistics.

I have been a full time SAHM and dh has worked full time the whole time I've been pregnant then parents. We shared bedtime and as more babies came along he'd mostly bath and dress them then hand me the baby to feed while he did the bed time stories for the older child then children. Lovely shared times. Lovely shared memories. Why doesn't he want to spend that time with his child ? .

My dh does a bit more work than me (I’m 30ish hours) but our dc deserve to have as strong a relationship with him as with me. Bedtime is quite an important time for chatting. I couldn’t say to my dcs that they can’t see their dad at half the bedtimes cause he works a few more hours a week than me.

I'm sure he doesn't work more why should he sit down earlier? Working isn't just being at work, yanbu!

I find it quite weird that the full-time parent wouldn't do more bedtimes rather than fewer because it's an opportunity to spend more time with the DC. DH and I both work full-time and we trade off hours so I finish at 4 two days a week and he finishes at 4 three days a week and we do bedtime on our 'long' days because the other one has already had more DS time that day.

Why is he trying to negotiate doing bedtime as if it's some shit job to be delegated, and not bonding time and a chance to catch up with his child? My DH has always rushed home to try to join in with bedtime.

Of all the evening tasks/activities he wants to avoid, how awful that it’s his child’s bedtime.

Bedtime can (although isn’t always, depending on their mood) such a lovely time - cuddled up having a bedtime story and then climbing under the covers with them and cuddling them or chatting for a few minutes.
DS is a Mummy’s boy so always wants me to put him to bed. DH is far from a perfect parent but he always wants to do his turn at bedtime, even though DS can be a pain for him whilst getting ready, because the actual story/cuddle time is so special

My DH has always rushed home to try to join in with bedtime.

Same, mine is gutted if our daughters asleep by the time he gets home.

Of course you should do more. Just go back full time and see how tired you are every evening.

I think it depends on what the hours are/structure etc. Like if bedtime is 7pm and he is walking through the door at 6.45 maybe he wants to decompress. Sometimes household jobs have to be split - can’t he do bedtimes at the weekend?

Well OP, he's certainly telling you how he's thinking.

I hope you have reliable contraception and a back-up plan.

Is bedtime a chore ? It is a privilege. What time does he get in ? How long is out of the house ?

I think it depends on what the hours are/structure etc. Like if bedtime is 7pm and he is walking through the door at 6.45 maybe he wants to decompress.

On days when I walk through the door at 6.45 - and that means that either work has been a bit shit or I've been in horrific traffic - I wouldn't even consider missing bedtime because then I wouldn't have spent any time with DS. I can't imagine not feeling like that.

If you are both able to switch work patterns (full time to pt and vice versa) so easily then you should most certainly do so.

Of course you should do more. Just go back full time and see how tired you are every evening.

Working full time isn’t JUST working in a job. Op works 22.5 hours a week and the rest is spent looking after her child, which is also exhausting. You both decide to have children you both share the load!

Bedtime is not a job!

Well, whoever is doing fewer hours of paid work should certainly be doing more of the household work. Whether or not that's bedtime routine or hoovering is between the two of you and as pps have said, depends somewhat on what actual hours are being worked.

Op works 22.5 hours a week and the rest is spent looking after her child, which is also exhausting.

Actually, we don't know that. She hasn't said what she does the rest of the time. Kid might be in full time nursery for all we know.

Me and my husband split it that one gets bath time and the other go to bed time so currently I do bath and story ... then husband does late night bottles and cuddles before sleep .. while he does that I have a bath ( he chills while I do my bit ) then we clean up together ... it’s been like that when I was on maternity and now I am back at work 4 days atm but soon to be full time that the plan to continue that ... how about something like that ... or ensure whoever doesn’t the bed time bit and bath cleans up ... so you both have a little time together at then end? You have both been busy just in different ways x

@LisaSimpsonsbff

I see your point of view. I just don’t think being with the children is as hard as being at work. I’m with my son all week and I don’t see it as being the same as when I was in an office all day and had to commute etc. I find that much more tiring and personally I would think it’s reasonable to do more of a split where the days where the husband is working full time he does less at home!

climbing under the covers with them

Ugh.

Bedtime is not a job!

Depends on the child and the day! 😂 took me an hour to get DS to sleep tonight 😱

Of course you should do more because he works more hours

Paid hours.

Unpaid work is still work, even if you don't consider it matters.