Party etiquette - what would you do?

[dollym1x]

My daughter is having her 8th birthday party soon. We were going to invite all the girls in her class (bar one who didn't go to the last 2 parties we invited her to bc she's not there on the weekend), but this morning my daughter found out she hadn't been invited to another little girl in her friendship groups party - the other girls were all excitedly talking about it this morning, that's how we found out (other girls party is this afternoon).
Now this party I'm organising for my daughter is fairly expensive per head, I'm going to ask my daughter what she thinks tonight, but now I'm thinking of also not inviting this other girl.
Am I being petty 😂 We invited this girl to my daughters party this time last year & she showed, and they are in the same friendship group.
What would you do?

My daughters party wont be for another month yet.

@freakstar ok troll.

Your title includes the word etiquette.

In no way would it be following etiquette to not invite someone just because she was not inviting your DD. There is no room for petty tit for tat when following party etiquette.

I would likely say she can invite nine people and let her choose the nine. That's plenty and means no one is really left out as only ten of them all together including your daughter.

Eh? What makes me a troll?

I think you know I'm right OP!

I can't be doing with all this. Ask who your DD wants at her party and invite accordingly.

@BonnesVacances what a great party! Do you think I would get off with doing that for ds3’s 14th birthday this year? Sadly he’s my youngest and I don’t have girls. ....or perhaps for my birthday.

Etiquette refers to conventional forms and usages and it is pretty normal to say if people don't invite you, then you don't invite them!

OP please empower your dd to invite her friends, who she chooses, within the limits of what you can afford.

Oh some comments on here are just so mean. Please do not take them to heart OP. Some people have really odd views.

@italiangreyhound thank you for your comments & for being so kind.

A few people on here seem permanently angry, I'll think twice about asking a question on here again 🙈
I've spoken to my daughter & the girl with the birthday today invited all the other 5 girls in their friendship group plus girls from the other class. However my daughter really doesn't care about the party and she wants to invite this girl because the friendship is obviously important to her 🤷‍♀️ So that's good. My daughter isn't overly sensitive & has a bunch of friends, so as I suspected it was me feeling hurt for her because I remember being excluded from parties before (racial minority in a very tiny town it happened a lot). Anyway she's got no idea it bothered me at all & she couldn't care less, so it's all good!
She also wants to invite two boys as well so we're going to change up the list.
I'm going to pop the other mum whose daughter isn't there on the weekends a text to see if she's free that weekend, before I order the kits this weekend. At least then she'll know she was invited, I know my girl would love her there.

Your daughter sounds like she has a great attitude OP, good for her

@ayrastarkwolf thank you for the comments, she really does, long may it continue!

Great result. 100% understand why you felt slighted and it is not over reacting. Of course we care about our kids lives and friends! You are doing a great job and it's all looking fine. Well done.

I definitely do understand why you are feeling upset about your daughter being left out ...it happened to my son when he was 8 and I was so upset that he had been left out of his very small friendship group. My son is now 20 and at Uni but I can still remember how I took it quite personally because my son was very popular and liked by all his friends parents. Despite the negative feeling I felt toward the mother I most definitely made sure that his friend was invited to my sons party which was a few weeks later .
The other child I would invite even though she might not come . It’s not her fault that her parents cannot get her to the party but it is good manners to invite her.

Just read your update...your daughter sounds a lovely girlie ...enjoy the party .

So pleased you are inviting some boys if they are good chums of your DD. My DS would have loved a Bear Stuffing party at that age.
Hope all goes well.

My DD doesn’t get invited to most class parties, I don’t know most of the other mums. I do feel sad for her so understand a bit, there’s also been some silliness with 2 of the mums which I didn’t understand, so I decided to ignore. I’m trying to nurture a few friendships with other girls. I’ll going to encourage a smaller party this year.
OP - I think I’d limit numbers and only invite the very good friends. Definitely wouldn’t invite the girl who made the spiteful comment.

Just read your update. Well handled OP.
Understand why you felt upset.

Really well handled OP.

No idea why some posters were being so aggressive to you!

Just give her a number.

“All the girls” parties are shite.

Sorry just seen your update!

Well played, I hope she has a great day!

Wow, real nice there op. YABU. I also think you are mean not inviting the other girl just because she couldn't come last time if you are inviting all the other girls.

We always did return invites for those whose party ours had attended as only polite and I never issued invites to those who didn’t rsvp or show the first two parties. Too much hassle when you need to confirm numbers. After return invites the children added any extras on from other clubs etc.

MinkowskisButterfly did you read any updates?

I would absolutely not invite her. I don’t care if it’s tit for tat. I wouldn’t spend a lot on any other child who didn’t invite my child. I’m too bitter for that.