Would you give money to a colleague to buy appliances?

[AppliancesGift]

Hi,

A colleague who I get on very well with has been having accommodation difficulties, and financial issues as a result of this. Won't go into details, I do know the specifics, but it's nothing that was their fault. They have now found somewhere to live but need to buy some appliances. This, together with paying two lots of rent in the short term, is putting more financial strain on them.

I'd love to give my colleague some money towards getting these appliances to help them out. Not £1,000s, but enough to make a difference. I do not expect the money back, it would be a gift, and this would be made very clear. When I was in a similar situation I was helped out and now I am in the position to do so, I'd like to help someone else.

I would not tell any of my other colleagues this is what I was doing, it would be confidential between me and my colleague. Of course if they choose to tell others then that's up to them. My other colleagues are EXTREMELY unlikely to ever ask for money, and I'm pretty good at being assertive so there's no worries there. This is really quite a specific one-off type situation.

What would you do? Is this a terrible idea or should I just do it? If someone helped me out in this way, I'd be delighted and very grateful, but I'm not sure how others would feel?

Thanks.

I still think the helpful way to go is to help source things for her from freecycle/local FB groups. And the odd white lie about whether or not they cost anything, or an offer to transport them wouldn't hurt.

I had an assistant at work who absolutely struggled every month, to make ends meet. She was the sweetest person on earth and I desperately wanted to make life easier for her. But she also had pride. She'd have been mortified had I made any grand gestures like you're intending, OP.

I had regular 'clear outs' of my garage/house though and offered her things that 'might otherwise go to the tip'. And 'a friend' who was clearing out her wardrobe and just happened to be the same size as my assistant.

Did I feel a bit awkward about those white lies? Yes, I did. But not nearly as awkward as she'd have felt if I was offering charity.

I would do it. I’d tell colleague you were once in a similar position and the kindness helped you and you want to do the same for colleague, if they’ll accept.

My best friend helped me by lending me a massive amount of money a few years ago, no pressure or expectation to repay quickly, just when I was able. I repaid her as soon as I was in a position to and will always be greatful to her for her incredible kindness and generosity.

I'd do it if someone asked and I could afford it.

I think there's a massive difference between a large loan from a best friend and a large gift from a colleague.

Do it , 100% .

I've been at the receiving end and I was and am still eternally grateful. Why on earth not help if you can afford it? For me one of the pleasures of having (now) is being able to give.

I would buy them a gift card. How would you feel if they cut you off tomorrow? Would you still be thankful for helping Or massively pissed off? If it’s the latter don’t do it.

Find out what they need and buy it them as a gift

I cant see anything wrong with doing this and its very thoughtful of you x

you shouldn't do this - it will muck up the dynamics of the work team and it's unprofessional to be that invested in a colleague's personal life.

I think it’s so sad that some people think like this when you’re just trying to do something kind.

If its something big, like a washing machine or fridge then I would say to her that you are buying a new one and would she like your old perfectly good one. That is less likely to make her feel awkward or in any way beholden to you.

I think that how you proceed depends totally on the personality of your colleague. You'll get posters telling you not to.do X as they'd be embarrassed to receive etc. That's all a bit irrelevant as it isn't about them, presumably you know your colleague enough to know how they would feel to receive such a generous gift.
I think that as you obviously know about this person's financial situation there is already a level of closeness and trust. Therefore, I don't think it would be wildly inappropriate to give them a sizeable gift card for somewhere like Argos.
If you explain that you are paying it forward and that maybe your colleague can do the same sometime in the future then I think the context would help dispel embarrassment. And even if there is a little embarrassment it's not the end of the world. Feelings pass but the memory associated with your kindness will last a lifetime for your colleague.
You are exceedingly kind to be thinking of doing something like this and you sound sensitive enough to not do some totally ostentatious gesture that would definitely be awkward.
Don't do it anonymously though, that would be horrid for your colleague. Just be honest and open and your generosity will change somebody's life for the better.

I just thought of something. I would definitely put everything in writing in a card so they would have a degree of privacy when receiving such an unexpected gift. That way you are sparing their feelings and your own.

We need more people like you in this world, we really do.

I think it’s really lovely of you to do that for them, ask, they might refuse but offer a second time saying you meant it and want to help them out and hoped they would pay it forward in the future when they could help someone else.

I second the gift card in a new home card.

I think it is lovely of you to want to "pay it forward". I have been a receiver of generous gifts in the past and never felt embarrassed. I have been able to pay those gifts forward as my circumstances improved and it made both parties feel great.

However the potential recipients have a lot of pride or could possibly misinterpret your kindness as charity or pity, tread very carefully, especially as you work together.

Just call yourself Mr Brighthouse