Would you give money to a colleague to buy appliances?

[AppliancesGift]

Hi,

A colleague who I get on very well with has been having accommodation difficulties, and financial issues as a result of this. Won't go into details, I do know the specifics, but it's nothing that was their fault. They have now found somewhere to live but need to buy some appliances. This, together with paying two lots of rent in the short term, is putting more financial strain on them.

I'd love to give my colleague some money towards getting these appliances to help them out. Not £1,000s, but enough to make a difference. I do not expect the money back, it would be a gift, and this would be made very clear. When I was in a similar situation I was helped out and now I am in the position to do so, I'd like to help someone else.

I would not tell any of my other colleagues this is what I was doing, it would be confidential between me and my colleague. Of course if they choose to tell others then that's up to them. My other colleagues are EXTREMELY unlikely to ever ask for money, and I'm pretty good at being assertive so there's no worries there. This is really quite a specific one-off type situation.

What would you do? Is this a terrible idea or should I just do it? If someone helped me out in this way, I'd be delighted and very grateful, but I'm not sure how others would feel?

Thanks.

I think if I was in that situation an offer of a loan to buy some second-hand white goods and an offer of a van/car to pick them up and a hand cleaning and installing would feel better than being gifted £100s to buy new

If you want to ask and it’s a gift, maybe you could suggest that they pay it forward. Like you are doing. So when they’re in a position to be able to help someone else, then they do.

"Oh X, I was thinking of you the other day- I've had some new kitchen stuff and wondered if you'd like my old ones in your new place, I've got XYZ, you're welcome to any of it"

I would do it if you can afford to. You've said you can so why not. Just tell them as a pp suggested to pay it forward when they can. You're such a kind person.

What a lovely person you are!

I wouldn't give cash. Maybe look on the local selling sites and get her some secondhand items to tide her over til she gets more money.

What are the conditions? Will you hand over a lump sum of money? Will you go shopping with her? Do expect to have a say in what items she buys?

Pay it forward. Lovely thing to do!

I would send a gift card anonymously to their home. But you need to be absolutely sure you don’t have any mental conditions attached to this gesture.

In other words, don’t get upset if they go to Australia on holiday this year or buy designer shoes.

You actually don’t know someone’s financial situation. They may be having difficulties with ready cash but have a shed load of savings or very helpful parents.

Can you ask work to organise a loan? we would do this for a good employee, £1000 over a few months.

Only you know the relationship with this colleague, and whether they'd accept cash - but a good alternative is if you've got anything you could give and then upgrade yours?

When I first moved in, some friends of my parents were just buying a new bed and gave me theirs (and boy was it a lovely mattress - way better than I'd have had otherwise!), or when my sister was setting up, she had a spare washing machine that we had because we'd combined 2 houses, and my brother had my fridge when I moved and it wouldn't fit in the new flat. If you want to spare any embarrassment, that's a great way to go about it - "I'd only be putting it on freecycle otherwise"

When I left my first Husband, I moved into a flat but didn't have a penny left over. A lovely, lovely work colleague handed me a New Home card with a £30 Tesco voucher inside. She said that she hoped this would help me stock my cupboards with basics to set me up.

I'll never forget her kindness.

You are kind too OP.

It’s lovely of you but I wouldn’t do it. It could affect relationships.
I’d offer to help in other ways - if she needs any help painting, look for cheap appliances online, point her to freecycle etc. Or if there’s anything you could replace see if she’d like the old one?

What a wonderful idea. I have been your friend and I am eternally grateful to the person who helped me out when in a very similar situation.
I think a Curry's gift card is an excellent idea. May I also suggest that you are completely honest with your friend in the reasons why you are helping. It is in situations like this when genuine people come to the fore.

Only you know the relationships and dynamics at work - I have to say I would be embarrassed if this was me on the receiving end.

If you really want to help them then do it anonymously - there will be a way.

I'd make the offer, especially as you've once been in her position and can truthfully say that someone once did the same for you. That would make it much easier to accept if someone was trying to help me.

Yes, do it, since you say you can afford it. I think it's a lovely gesture, the moving in present is a good idea too.
Explain that you don't want to embarrass them but you hoped it would help them, let the colleague decided whether they want to take the offer or not - they may be taken aback and not sure what to say at first.
I have been on the receiving end of gifts like this, a long time ago when I was poor and a single parent. Someone offered to pay off my (quite considerable) car loan, it made an unbelieveable difference to my life and that of my two children at the time.
I felt that person was my guardian angel for a very long time afterwards!!

I think it's a really lovely idea.
I'd tell them you have been in a similar situation and that you understand and would love to help. I'd mention the amount upfront.
Not knowing the colleague it's difficult to gauge the likely reaction but I'd definitely mention the amount in case they started browsing the high-end sections

I would, but I’ve also had people help me out like that. I remember being on teaching practice on my pgce and a teacher helped me out. Other people have too and so I try and give back as well now I can.

Mixed feelings tbh. I had a colleague try to give me money once. I was embarrassed and gave it back but I did accept a gift she had bought because it was an actual item. Seems different somehow.

Could you maybe buy a voucher for Argos or ao.com or something so she could use that rather than give cash?

A lovely, lovely work colleague handed me a New Home card with a £30 Tesco voucher inside.

Could you do something like that? Maybe say you've been saving your clubcard/ nectar points and thought since she was moving house she might like them, as there's nothing you really need right now? Even if she sees through it as a bit of a white lie, she'll probably be grateful for your generosity and tact.

I wouldn’t rule it out, but maybe you could look at local selling sites together- there’s lots of free, virtually free stuff out there - and offer some practical help. Help hire a van for moving stuff maybe? A gift card is nice but a whole second-hand washing machine might be better than 59 quid towards a new one from Curry’s.

You sound like an amazing and thoughtful friend!

Friends, yes. Colleagues, no.

How do you even know they are telling the truth?

You sound a lovely colleague , yes I think the voucher idea is fantastic.