Would you give money to a colleague to buy appliances?

[AppliancesGift]

Hi,

A colleague who I get on very well with has been having accommodation difficulties, and financial issues as a result of this. Won't go into details, I do know the specifics, but it's nothing that was their fault. They have now found somewhere to live but need to buy some appliances. This, together with paying two lots of rent in the short term, is putting more financial strain on them.

I'd love to give my colleague some money towards getting these appliances to help them out. Not £1,000s, but enough to make a difference. I do not expect the money back, it would be a gift, and this would be made very clear. When I was in a similar situation I was helped out and now I am in the position to do so, I'd like to help someone else.

I would not tell any of my other colleagues this is what I was doing, it would be confidential between me and my colleague. Of course if they choose to tell others then that's up to them. My other colleagues are EXTREMELY unlikely to ever ask for money, and I'm pretty good at being assertive so there's no worries there. This is really quite a specific one-off type situation.

What would you do? Is this a terrible idea or should I just do it? If someone helped me out in this way, I'd be delighted and very grateful, but I'm not sure how others would feel?

Thanks.

I would feel very much more uncomfortable receiving something anonymously. In doing so, the giver deprives the recipient of the power of saying thank you. If I didn't know who'd given it and wasn't able to thank them, I'd not feel I could spend the voucher.

I would be open with her and tell her that someone did it once for you and aked you to pay if forwrd when things got better - this is you paying it forward, help her id good secondhand or ex catalogue seconds or something.

I have been helping out a friend of mine over the last 2 yrs who has left an abusive controlling husband and he is still doing that via the court systems and CMS. She helped me out one week abut 4 yrs ago using her points to buy me a shop when we were in desperate cashflow down times, I can now help her out even though she has had to move over a 100 miles away from me. SHe finds it hard to accept but give with no strings and never mention again and just ask her to pay it forward when she is able

How about a whipround ? Nice thing for everyone to do for a colleague. Or some cash in an envelope anonymously , through the door ?
Or some second hand or new “unwanted gift/never used etc ?

100% do this for them op, or at least offer. No idea why people are saying it's a bad idea. You get along with her, she needs help, you can offer the help, so do it.

It’s people like you that restores my faith in human nature. If you can afford it and can word it that someone did the same for you ,I cannot see a problem. You are so kind. 💐

How about a whipround?

God. How mortifying for her.
Come on...have some empathy for her self-respect.

NO

I don’t think giving it anonymously is a good idea!! It could be really unsettling for the recipient thinking that people or a person is feeling sorry for her !! Much better to be up front and honest...less awkward all round.

I'd do as others have suggested and keep an eye out for some secondhand appliances, and then ask the colleague if they needed a washing machine/fridge/whatever. If they said yes, I'd buy them and then say someone you know was getting rid. Then an Argos voucher or something as my own housewarming gift to them.

I think the offer of a significant amount of cash is problematic.

Just a quick word of warning, if she or you are buying fridge / washing machine secondhand then please check the product numbers to ensure it isn't a product with a recall message due to catching fire etc, people don't often check their old appliances and might be selling it without realising it's a hazard.

@AppliancesGift - OP, you know your colleague. This is a LOVELY idea! while they might feel embarrassed (I am sure they will!), I would approach it from an angle that works for them. Like you had a similar help out and you feel this is your turn to pass that nice gesture on. Maybe she can do something for you - NOT paying it back, but looking after your kids or taking you out for a cuppa... I dont know the situation, but anything to make them feel they have somehow repaid it.

Lovely gesture! Glad someone was there for you when you needed it!

Thinking about this a bit more, if your colleague is also a friend then you could give a housewarming present legitimately.

If however your colleague is just that, somebody you get on with but only as a colleague - then steer clear of personal presents. I say that because a) you could make them feel awkward/beholden to you, as there's no real friendship in place and b) you could set a precedent. What will you do for the next colleague who has some sort of 'event' in their lives?

Think carefully before you take any next steps would be my advice.

I'd buy an Argos gift card as. A moving in present

It’s a bit weird to give hundreds to a colleague I would give £100 max and say it was vouchers you got somehow... or buy yourself a new fridge and give them your old one, tell them your back story
Really lovely thing to want to do but go easy this won’t remain confidential nothing ever dies in an office

If I could afford to do it yes I would help them.

A gift card inside a new home card is an excellent idea and it makes it all less embarrassing.

OP, are you talking new cooker, washing machine, fridge etc? You’re looking at a £1000!

Are you so well off that this wouldn’t make a dent in your finances?

If you have a significant amount of savings (six figures) then maybe yes but otherwise you don’t need to take on people’s problems to this extent.

Get them a nice house warming gift of £100 ;something that you know they beez).

I don't think that you can wade in like this.

What you can do is to ask where they want to buy their appliances and give them a gift card as a housewarming present, and limit it to 100 max.

I would give them a card with a gift card inside. It would be a lovely gesture and far less pity gift than if you have them cash.

You’re a sap if you do this OP. Don’t. If you do (and I applaud and recognise your kindness) you may become a go-to lender or giver for all sorts of other stuff. Are you tough enough to draw a hard line? But I’m banging my head against a wall here trying to make sense of why why why you’d set up something (you’ve had no request) and it’s very unlikely to be the end of it. Please don’t do this OP!!!!!

I don't know. It is a lovely thought but seems a bit inappropriate unless you are hugely close friends. It's not your responsibility to "rescue" them.

Your colleague be able to get white goods on finance (not sure of the right term) or freecycle, use a laundrette, a relative might be able to help them out, your workplace might give them a loan or advance in the circumstances. These are all things they are probably able to research for themselves.

I'd stick to a moving in card and gift (under £100) and possibly offer to help them move in.

I think it's really kind thing to do. Especially if you are friends, and it wouldn't affect your working relationship.

If I were you I'd just tell the truth. Someone helped you once, you're forever grateful and you're paying it forward. So here's a voucher as a housewarming gift and maybe she can pay it forward herself one day in the future.

I gave a colleague of mine £250 once. Her son was turning 18 and she had no money at the time. I gave it as a gift, saying that he would only turn 18 once, and she wouldn't be in this financial situation forever. She accepted it but on the basis that she would pay me back. I then forgot about it. She did pay me back, about 2-3 years later.

I had known her for about seven years at the time. We are still friends now, 10 years later.

Your other colleagues probably will find out about it in time....you can’t give a gift and expect t&c’s of confidentiality - people blab, it’s human nature! Where would that put the general workplace status quo? Be very careful. I’ve learnt through bitter experience OP to leave work at work.

I have been in a similar situation with a younger family member. I knew she wouldn't accept such a big gift so I bought myself a new fridge and gave her the pretty good one I already had. I framed it as her doing me a huge favour as they are hard to dispose of. I don't think she clocked it but if she did she didn't say anything.