Why do middle class people have busier social lives?

[swimmingpoolshower]

Feel I may get flamed here but...
I'm WC, maybe a bit MC cos I went to uni. I am also a part time cleaner for MC families and have lots of MC friends. Why do MC people always have so much going on?

Is it money to be able to do things?
Boredom of doing the same things?
Letting off steam from stressful jobs?

No judgement at all but every weekend is house warming, birthday meals, theatre, trips to museums, and that's when you're not 'away for the weekend.' Centre parcs, Rome, Cotswolds, Air BnB in the city. It's January, everywhere is going to be cold.

I think I'm a bit jealous tbh.

I think money is a big factor but also confidence and experience.

I know so many people who rarely try anything new or will not go anywhere on their own.

I suspect people who are very keen to try new things and happy to go to places on their own will have busier social lives no matter what their income is - but those with money will simply able to do flashier things.

@DdraigGoch

They employ you as a part-time cleaner precisely so that they have time to do other things.

This 👆 Most of my time and energy is spent cleaning up/ running around after my toddler. If you can afford a cleaner, you will have more time and energy to do other things. Lots of people outsource certain tasks to cleaners, dog walkers, ironing ladies, gardeners, nannies, window cleaners etc which then leaves their weekends totally free of drudgery so they can do more hobbies, trips etc.

If I had more money, I would LOVE to get a cleaner so I could focus on doing nicer things with my free time.

It's money but also expectations.

My family are working class but I'd say my husband and I are middle class - both university educated, professional jobs and so on, though I don't think you really manage to jump a class til the next generation really.

My husband and I are pretty comfortable going anywhere - fancy hotel, nice restaurant, art gallery and wouldn't feel like we have to act a certain way or something.

My parents, however, are mortified at all that stuff. What if they use the wrong fork or say the wrong thing or embarrass themselves somehow? They are scared to show themselves up in front of people they consider to be "better" than them. If we go somewhere "nice", they'll get very dressed up or worry they look scruffy or whatever. I like to dress up for days out too, but I'm not going to panic about it if I'm not either. If my parents go up to London, they'll often plan to go to a nicer restaurant but end up in McDonalds or Pret because they felt uncomfortable.

I see this a lot in the people I grew up with. They think that art or nice food or whatever are not for them or only for a very nice treat.

I really don't want to sound like I'm looking down on people or on my parents. I'm not at all. But it is interesting how often I'll see the same pattern of behaviour.

Money but also lifestage perhaps? Are your families older or have older children. My weekends pre children were for chilling. We might have done the theatre or the ofd weekend away but certainly not every weekend. Now with small children, our Saturday mornings are taken up by activities, children’s parties etc. We might go out on a Sunday or potter or maybe go to the pub for a lunch. In the summer we see friends quite a bit. I do still try and do the theatre with my pre-schooler when there is something
On that’s suitable for her age. We’re certainly not minibreaking at all times but I guess we are busy.

Even with unlimited funds, I wouldn’t be travelling every weekend. My dream would be 3 hours of childcare every Sunday to go to a spa. Bring on the lottery win!

Depends on what you prioritise I suppose? I'm definately WC, though I attended uni (does that even make a difference these days?), I have a professional job, but a combined 'below the national average income' with OH. However, DC has left home (I'm 43), and any spare cash we spend on trips out, nights in 'nice' hotels for a change of scene, cinema sometimes (though netflix is cheaper), meals out, gym membership, spa days. We like what we like! and budget accordingly to any surplus spends we have. We also work a standard 40hr wk, and do overtime to top up. If kids were at home we wouldn't have the cash for any of the above though. It's also surprising how many people fund a fancy lifestyle on credit.

It’s money (as most people can’t afford a weekend away a month and activities ever weekend) and guilt but also time as a lot of MC work so much mid week they don’t spend much time as a family, they use childminders and nannies whilst working in high paid jobs so try to make the family time up at the weekends. It’s not what it seems, they will have stressful jobs so life isn’t perfect for them either, often missing meal and bedtimes all week . It’s trying to find a balance, there’s very few who get it right.

I think it also depends on whether we are fully extrovert or not. Even if I was fully rolling in it I do not wish to be out tripping the light fantastic night on night and proving myself socially to be on the map with friends.

I am only borderline extrovert and also an early riser so by the time 8 p.m. comes I have had enough.

A friend wishes me to go to a music tribute night in February but being as it starts at 9 p.m. I would potentially only go to that in the spring/summer when my health is more intact.

I have a sleep disorder winters and wake up 3 or 4 a.m. Jan/Feb. It has been that way since I was 15. However it is slowly improving so who knows I may get a health breakthrough soon!

I had a cleaner and a gardener but we still didn’t go out and have the wonderful social life because my husband had social anxiety issues and my friends were too busy working or tied up with family stuff. We didn’t go away anywhere either.

Money and a cleaner.

I think I'm mc but I don't really go out at all! Social life non existent! But then I also don't have a cleaner. My pil are always going out on some social but have a cleaner. I think it's more that these people you do work for are just people who like to socialise and have enough of a disposable income to do that AND get a cleaner so they have time! Your sample to make the assumption that its all mc people is biased. Like saying that most people have dogs because you see more people with dogs outside. You don't see the cats so aren't counting them.

In fact I think it’s the other way round. I was having this conversation the other week with my W.C. friend. She was saying those with money don’t spend it, whilst those who don’t use what they have to do fun stuff with.i said that’s why we’re richer because we don’t spend it

I think you have a point. I’m middle class as can be and organise stuff to do partly because I enjoy it but also because of a deep seated sense that I ought to be doing it, to improve myself and make sure the DCs have these experiences. I’m actually deliberately trying to relax and stop it!

I'm not sure I agree mc people work more than wc people, I don't get that logic at all. Plenty of working class people work long hours,

lovels spot on. Dh's family are like that...they consider museums, galleries, theatre, books " not for the likes of them". They take the piss out of him for enjoying art and culture, and tell him he has gone " all posh".

DH and I are middle class but are not well off at all. We are well under the limit where people on MN say “you can’t live in London on less than xxx”. We don’t do any of the things on your list in general unless they are free. Theatre - maybe one a year. Museums - two or three times a year. Weekends away - maybe once every two years. Etc. Eating out at restaurants- maybe once a year. But it’s not all about money. A lot is to do with time. I work 12 hours a day including the commute and work shifts but we don’t have a cleaner so all chores are done by us - that takes time. I also work shifts - that can make socialising or doing anything on a regular basis, like an evening class, impossible.

It isn’t all money I don’t think, they may not have more money, but they could have access to more money (credit) so feel entitled to a richer lifestyle.

Don’t beat yourself up, no one knows what goes on behind closed doors.

As for middle class, what even is that these days. I grew up working class, or at least I was told that. Dad did a manual job, mum was a dinner lady but we owned our own three bed semi, DB2 and I went to local grammar schools, DB1 local secondary. No uni, two of the three of us left school at 16.

Thirty years later DH and I have paid our mortgage, I earn 40k, both DC are uni educated, DH earns well over 100k, five cars between four of us. Does that make us middle class? I don’t feel any different, some of the people I grew up with still live local, my DC went to my old school albeit it is now comprehensive.

I don’t even think class is a thing anymore, except perhaps for the aristocracy who are a different breed.

I see my DCs friends whizzing off on city breaks in their 20s or throwing in their jobs and going “travelling” for six months, this is after uni, running their cars on PCP and going out every weekend whilst simultaneously moaning they are too poor to contribute to a pension and will never afford a house. Their Instagram looks great though.

I also have friends my own age that do the same so it’s not limited to the young.

I think it’s just a different attitude to life, and not one that I necessarily support.

@plumsgalore of course class is still a thing. You probably just don't see it because you're in a bubble. You may have escaped, but most people do not have four cars in their family.

Money equals choice.
Choose to go to the Theatre or stay in and watch telly.
Choose to eat out or cook a basic meal.
Choose to take Reuben and Juno to pony club or choose to get out the box of bricks.

I don’t think money is the deciding factor, it’s opportunity. We are very comfortable, middle class With plenty of disposable income but absolutely no social life. DH works insane hours with lots of travel and no time off (no legal holiday entitlements here). I don’t work but pick up everything else as DH can’t. On the rare occasions he has some down time at a weekend he generally catches up with some house jobs and sleep. We do eat out together reasonably often, but usually because it’s the only way to grab a quick meal together before he’s back into another meeting. We haven’t had a holiday, not even a weekend away, for 4 years.

My nearest friend is 7000 miles away. I would like a social life, but am still regarded as an outsider despite living here for years. I’ve given up on making friends locally. We live close to a small city which is definitely a cultural wilderness so that also limits opportunities.

I have WC friends in the UK who socialise very frequently, at least 2-3 times a week. They have less money, but way more time and opportunity for meeting up and going out.

Dunno if it's a class thing. I suppose we are m/c but we don't do all this stuff. Can't afford it and neither of us is the kind to have a whirlwind social life anyway so we aren't missing it. My brother and his wife does. My sister doesn't.
Isn't it more a personality thing too?

I'm not sure if it's a class thing or just an extension of the treadmill lives we lead during the week. Do people not need down time any more? Come Friday I am personally exhausted and cannot wait for a bit of a lie in on a Saturday morning. No rush, eating breakfast in leisure with a bit of catch up TV. DC don't get up until 12. I then open my facebook and see a friend half way up a bloody mountain at 10am with their kids #weekending and think I'm jealous of their energy levels and get-go. I do know that a lot of these seemingly very happy, highly energetic women are on anti-depressants just to get through.

We eat out fairly often and both of us have separate social lives as well .(DH sport me Quizzing with friends ) When DC were small went to London ,Museums and so on lots of hobbies for them as well and W/E away .My DM used to go to her evening class once a week ,and that was about it really. DGP always Sat eve "up west"(We lived in London when I was a child).We still like going up to London for the day/W/E and are lucky enough to have friends who dogsit !ditto hols .My GP also felt eating out was a bit "posh" and maybe didnt feel comfy in a Restaurant,However I think eating out is totally different now ,often casually dressed people and children welcome .possibly some time ago ties and Dresses were the norm really .I still think of myself as WC because that was my background ,however when DS applying for Uni we cam out as Middle Class .Income and DH white collar job I suppose

It’s both money and mindset.
However, which comes first is a ‘chicken and egg’ scenario.
Our lives are pretty much like you describe, OP (and I do love our cleaner, in case it’s you! 😂)

We have the money to say ‘yes’ now. So when someone invites us to something, we can go for the weekend and book a hotel room, or we can agree to meet friends for lunch without considering the price too much, etc. I also love hosting events because it’s fun and we can afford it.

I really notice that money is a big part of this because I haven’t always had money and can remember the times when someone suggesting meeting for a coffee would have me recalculating the food shop in my head.

However, what I have noticed (and it’s only my experience) is that, even when we had little money, my friends from ‘middle class’ backgrounds always had that expectation of doing stuff all the time, just a cheaper version. So as a pp said, a dinner party but with spag bol or pizza, backpacking holiday rather than hotel, etc.

It was the mindset because doing things and going places and feeling a part of cultural activities was what they had grown up with and were used to, if you see what I mean. I count myself in this, to a lesser extent.

So we went on holidays to France in a hand me down tent: but the idea of not going on holiday at all wasn’t really there. Because I went on holidays every year so it was a ‘mindset’ to an extent as well.

That’s an oversimplified example, but I hope it makes sense!

I suppose there is also the education level - if you’ve sat in lecture theatres where people are talking to you about museums and cities as if they assume you know them, that they are there for you to access just sort of sinks in.

But all of this is much, much harder to access without the good old ££££, and I think we all know it!

Very interesting topic, though, especially the idea of ‘cultural capital’.

I have friends like this. It's their choice to spend every single day 'doing stuff'. Their high income allows them to.

All this class stuff puzzles me (not British). I can't imagine looking at life through a lens of what other/your class does. It seems so needlessly reductive.