Why do middle class people have busier social lives?

[swimmingpoolshower]

Feel I may get flamed here but...
I'm WC, maybe a bit MC cos I went to uni. I am also a part time cleaner for MC families and have lots of MC friends. Why do MC people always have so much going on?

Is it money to be able to do things?
Boredom of doing the same things?
Letting off steam from stressful jobs?

No judgement at all but every weekend is house warming, birthday meals, theatre, trips to museums, and that's when you're not 'away for the weekend.' Centre parcs, Rome, Cotswolds, Air BnB in the city. It's January, everywhere is going to be cold.

I think I'm a bit jealous tbh.

Don't forget to bring Ferraro rocher to the ambassadors reception...

Something I’ve noticed is that a lot of culturally MC people don’t earn much, and their children often don’t have the advantages that their parents had. Many people I know are in the arts or the media or the charity sector. These jobs are not highly paid. They had attended top universities and studied humanities subjects. Some had been to top private schools themselves, but there’s no option for that for their children. They are culturally rich but financially poor. As their finances get squeezed, many cultural activities- theatre, ballet, opera, National Trust, etc, - they can no longer afford and their children are not exposed to these activities either unless through free outreach schemes.

Money.

daisypond this is a really good point. General "middle class jobs" today (teaching/local solicitor/civil servant/journalist) earn less, relatively speaking, than they did 40 years ago. Teachers (unless they're at the top of the pay scale) don't earn significantly more than plumbers or welders. The differential between white collar and blue collar work has not disappeared but its much more blurred.

And to be able to afford to regularly partake in a lot of arts stuff (theatre/opera/gigs, even cinema) you've got to be on a higher salary than you'd make being, say, a teacher.

This puts pressure on middle class people to maintain whatever "cultural capital" they feel their kids may be due. And it costs more.

The property market and the rise of the finance sector has a lot to answer for here. It has made it a lot harder for people on modest incomes (of any class) to partake in cultural events.

This thread has turned out to be bloomin fascinating!

Very interesting to me. Xh was both introverted and depressed, so didn't want to do much, so that was frustrating, and now I have a dc with (mild) issues of some sort to do with control/being overloaded, who can cope with school but needs to be in his comfort zone at home the rest of the time.

I'm climbing the walls some weekends!

So when they're with xh I'm constantly out - with my hobby group, cafes, pubs, museums, galleries, cinema, the lot. Thank goodness he has them sometimes.

One day I hope to have a playmate who's on the same page as me - that's so important.

Just realised my post then didn't refer to social class at all

I think there is a difference in social norms between WC and MC of course, and that's fascinating to me, but it's also money and confidence. I've learned stuff from this thread, eg I hadn't really gathered how widespread is the desire to push oneself/family forward, the competitive edge. I'm MC in my preferences but I don't feel that at all, I'm much more "we're all in this together" by nature.

Summer you sound like me, my xh was the same and both DD’s have ASD and hate socialising, it’s actually easier now we have split because when he has the kids I can escape and be sociable, do hobbies and go out for lunch with friends.

My twin! PM me if you're in the South West

I'm poorer now but I find ways, e.g. dragging out one soft drink, walking instead of the bus (can't afford a car), staying at friends' houses rather than holidays, free lunchtime concerts. I also have friends over in the evenings while dc are asleep.

I suppose appearances are quite important to me still, so I make sure I look fairly polished and don't talk about my lack of money so I don't think people would guess how hard up I am.

Of course its an over-simplification (and highly patronising) to say WC people don't go to galleries/museums/theatre etc

I'm not sure it's really money or upbringing that dictates your interests. I can go years without going to the theatre and am just not interested. Same goes for opera and ballet, not my thing. I think it's something to do with the stress of travelling to such events and getting home afterwards, worrying about the last train etc. I don't feel I miss out. Doing something like going to the Proms would be more my thing but the stress and hassle of getting there outweighs it for me.

Perhaps if I lived in a city where you could walk or take a short taxi or bus ride, I'd go. I used to go more than I was a student in Cardiff as the opportunities were there.

But ultimately as a pp said we all have different hobbies and interests.

Yes, it's money and class, but it's also personalities. I think you are either a hedonist or ascetic. Some people will always prioritise pleasure and fun even if they are on the bones of their arse and others, like myself, find 'having fun' exhausting and tiresome. That doesn't make me miserable, I just prefer a quieter, more passive approach to leisure. It takes a LOT to get me to leave the house for 'fun'. My idea of fun is pottering in the garden, reading and taking naps. I have no desire to travel, day trip or even socialize.

My mate who went to Oxford has friends everywhere, when she was round the other day a friend rang and asked if she wanted to go stay in their summer house in Stockholm I have to say I am very jealous of this! I’d love to be able to stay in someone’s summer house.

That is quite definitely upper middle class or upper class!

For me it's the thirst for learning and experiencing as much of what life has to offer. Some of what I do cost money, a lot doesn't.

I have a special needs child and one of the things I keep reading about in the research is that a rich and stimulating environment makes a difference. So I take DS to all sorts of places, galleries, walks, places, events, travel etc.

I know some families who are very aspirational for their children, who schedule a huge range of enriching and social activities through HT he week and year, partly for pleasure, but mostly for the 'get-ahead' benefits. They live a whirlwind of timetabled activity.
Included are sports coaching sessions, music lessons, language lessons, tutoring etc. In the holidays they have been booked onto courses at museums, at universities, learning French cookery, appreciating Italian art, doing a foreign home-stay where they stay with a family for several weeks, going on watersports or ski holidays.......The parents particularly love an activity that delivers a qualification that can be written down. And doing these activities (especially the ones done when children were little) has given them a social circle of other affluent parents who want to do similar things. They don't just meet for dinner, but to learn how to cook a gourmet meal from a well known chef, or to have a wine tasting expert come to talk them through various wines, or a personal guide to talk them through the pictures in a particular exhibition. There's a lot of focus on using experts and learning from them and improving yourself.....I think there is genuine enjoyment there, but also always this sense of staying ahead. Nothing seems to upset them more than hearing about someone else who has done something or given their child an opportunity they hadn't thought of.

I don't think WC see life as so much of a competition which has to be battled and won and this allows them to relax more and not always be striving.

I agree though, that whilst money isn't all there is to these things, it permeates much if it and without money it would be hard to sustain a fully MC aspirational lifestyle. Some of those I've spotted who are most socially and aspiration ally active with their children are those who didn't come from especially wealthy backgrounds, but who perhaps through education or marriage ended up more affluent - they have a taste for the good things the MC have and have spotted that there is some kind of competition going on and have decided effort makes all the difference.

Competitive parenting very much seems to be middle class to me.

I agree that MC people often have wider social circles. The MC have often moved around more - left home for uni and after that, lost the fear of moving around, but found it normal and stimulating. They have often lived in several places, especially pre-children, and have met lots of people and sometimes maintained a growing social circle. In itself, this can lead to social opportunities - weekends away to visit friends - so maybe not in exotic places, but even just in other UK cities - staying with friends and a bit of sight seeing in those places. Perhaps less fear of getting on the motorway at the drop of a hat and going 200 miles to see a friend or booking a last minute flight to travel for a weekend - because its regular and normal and ones social circle is more far flung.

I know what some people mean about feeling more WC in attitude as time goes on. I think many of us were more go-getting and socially active pre-children and as we get older get more settled and less risk taking and less sociable. We might arrange lots of social stuff for our little children, but as they get older back off from involvement and leave them to their Xbox more, rather than keeping pushing forward with enriching activities.

Interesting thread, I am not sure it is just about money but aspirations and having the confidence to do different things. I am MC from MC family, and have no worries about making new friends or doing different things. We have moved around a lot due to our jobs and yet I am very happy to walk into a new club or society and just make new friends, or join in some volunteering activity. If you tend to stay in the area you have grown up in, have lots of family nearby, maybe you don't feel the need to go out and do 'different' things.

Snow my dc’s (both ASD) love going to museums, castles, galleries and national trust places, they are generally quiet places but also educational. We go out quite a lot but not to the kind of places most people take children 🤣.

More money to eat out, have experiences etc

Included are sports coaching sessions, music lessons, language lessons, tutoring etc. In the holidays they have been booked onto courses at museums, at universities, learning French cookery, appreciating Italian art
But how would the parents feel if their offspring wanted to take up one of these activities as an actual career? Are these just CV-enhancing opportunities that look good for UCAS? And would they be chivvying them into a proper degree at a good university? Darling Jocasta is so bright, she couldn’t be wasted training as a chef. Etc.

I'm fascinated by this drive to get ahead, as WombatChocolate described so well.

I understand the confidence and curiosity about the world aspects, but I don't understand seeing life as a competition to win. I truly can't comprehend it.

Surely true success in life is feeling fulfilled, content and loved.

We also know people who were pushed hard to achieve my their parents, they're usually quite messed up by it in my experience, in a whole range of ways. They're not the most content people.

"We all know people who were pushed" that should say.

And v good point daisypond for example I wouldn't wish the life of a musician on anyone! And being a full-time artist is probably just as hard.

I think it's money & less of a class thing. I also think younger generations value "experiences" more say over shopping or drinking & also there is so much more choice now. I was born in the 80s & we had money & were mc, however a family treat meal out was a Happy Meal or Italian at the local bistro etc. We would go the museums etc but not weekly.

It’s the need and want to “see and be seen” as middle class/wealthy , therefore doing lots of middle class things

Is it though? I just having fun & doing things. Next month I'm off for a weekend break in a posh hotel with DC & then later that month a holiday in a caravan with dc & friends. Neither will be on social media, opposite ends of the spectrum but both equally fun.

I also have a very close family so we have lots of celebrations & get togethers.

I think that there is competitiveness everywhere though. WC and MC. You should hear the parents next to a children’s football match! Mostly WC, competitive as hell.

I don’t think it’s necessarily an MC thing.

Not sure if I’m wc or mc. We have an average household income, and no degrees, but the bbc class thing says we are MC.

My family are firmly WC and DHs are MC. For both of us our weekends didn’t involve lots of activities as children in the 80s

But these days our weekends are always busy with clubs and parties for our son, or
Trips out (theatre, spa, museums) and meeting up with friends for lunch. We aren’t particularly well off, but we do budget so that a lot of our disposable income goes on entertainment and leisure: although we don’t drink much alcohol, so that frees up money