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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To still share a book with my y7 son

130 replies

nyorksdad · 28/01/2020 21:45

Happy to be told aibu but thought I would canvas opinions.

My 12 year old son (from a previous relationship) has always loved reading (like me).

Ever since he was little, we've had a tradition of reading a few pages from a book each night together in his room before he goes to sleep. Either he reads or I do. This has progressed over his life from baby books through Thomas the Tank engine! and onto teenage thrillers, sci-fi and comedy now. We must have been through hundreds but he still wants to do it.

I enjoy doing it, it's a bit of quality time together when he's not glued to a gadget, he's actually paying attention to me, I don't have to fob him off because of work and we like to discuss the book together. I don't see it as any different to listening to an Audible or going to a book club! Obviously he does read by himself during the day as well.

My girlfriend however, thinks it's ridiculous at his age and I should pack it in and just send him to bed to read his book on his own and I'm not helping him grow up. Apparantly all her friends agree so just thought I would ask what people thought.

OP posts:

Browntile · 28/01/2020 22:29

I think it’s just lovely. Please don’t let your girlfriend influence it. Maybe show her this thread! Does she have children (apologies not read the full thread)? He will want to stop eventually but meanwhile enjoy it whilst it lasts! He will always look back at it as a really special memory

SunshineCake · 28/01/2020 22:29

Who is this person and her mates who think they are the boss of you and why are you letting them doubt yourself? What you are doing is delightful.

Mamato2gorgeousboys · 28/01/2020 22:29

Reading to my boys is my favourite part of the day. It does sound like your gf is jealous which is such a shame but maybe speak to her about it? Definitely don’t stop until ds decides he doesn’t want to anymore... then don’t back down without a fight .

Frenchw1fe · 28/01/2020 22:32

Actually reading with them produces more intelligent children. Pity no-one ever read to your girlfriend.

babybythesea · 28/01/2020 22:32

My DD is 11. I read to her every night.
Over the last couple of weeks I have had a stinking cold which has made reading aloud unpleasant. I have struggled through a story for the youngest, who can’t read to herself, but I’ve had a few nights where I’ve not managed to read to DD1 as well. She is highly unimpressed, even though she is a very competent reader. She still wants me to read. It is as much about the time shared, and the experience, as it is about the reading. It is her time to have me to herself, and then we have a shared interest to talk about. And it’s interesting how often after reading I get “Mummy, I just was going to ask...” and then out comes a worry or a question. And I have the space and time to listen and answer.
I am enjoying it while I can. It will come to an end way before I am ready for it!

SophieSong · 28/01/2020 22:34

It's lovely you do that. Ignore your girlfriend she's being weird.

JammyDodgersandPeas · 28/01/2020 22:36

My grandparents read to each other for the whole of their married lives. Reading is a lovely bonding experience, and I really hope my kids still want me to read to them aged 12.

BelieveInPeople · 28/01/2020 22:37

I still read to my 11 year old at his request, I’m delighted that he still wants me to, he reads the odd page to me too. Tell your girlfriend to butt out, it’s lovely that you still have this time, your son will be grown soon enough

MrsGolightyly · 28/01/2020 22:39

It’s absolutely fine. Reading is so important and you’re doing a really great job, don’t take any notice.🙉

WalkingOutOfFlabbiness · 28/01/2020 22:41

the Only weird thing is her discussing it and telling you what to do when you are doing a brilliant job already

Glitterblue · 28/01/2020 22:42

My daughter still loves to do this every night at almost 10 and I can't see that changing any time soon. We love that bit of time together.

ChristmasCarcass · 28/01/2020 22:42

It’s lovely, don’t stop.

Also it could be worse - my DBro used to force my poor DM to read Spiderman and Venom comics to him well into his teens. “With the voices”.

fligglepige · 28/01/2020 22:44

Your girlfriend is a turd LTB

glitterbiscuits · 28/01/2020 22:44

My DH did this with our DS until the early teens. Last book was Lord of The Rings.

Didkdt · 28/01/2020 22:47

Your girlfriend has utter disrespect for your parenting practice and bonding time with your son, and she's sharing that with her friends
Her positive points are...

madcatladyforever · 28/01/2020 22:48

It's not ridiculous it's amazing.
By that logic book clubs are also ridiculous!!
Books were my life at that age. I would have loved to share them with a parent.

madcatladyforever · 28/01/2020 22:49

Also it could be worse - my DBro used to force my poor DM to read Spiderman and Venom comics to him well into his teens. “With the voices”.

InfiniteCurve · 28/01/2020 22:50

Keep reading! As long as your son enjoys the reading and the time with you,keep doing it,it's such a good way to get some quality time together at the end of the day.
My DS and I did the same,I can't remember now when we stopped but it was definitely past Yr 7.Sometimes we'd take turns,sometimes I read,and sometimes we talked - it was the perfect time to talk about things that were bothering him.

Sewrainbow · 28/01/2020 22:50

Still read to my 9 year old, I'd happily read older books to my 11 year old but he says no I do catch him listening in sometimes though

leeloo1 · 28/01/2020 22:51

I read an article by the headmaster of Eton, ages ago, who was recommending reading to children until they are at least 13.

I find there are books my 11yo ds wouldn't read independently (E Nesbit books, Cs Lewis and the wordsmith are a few we've read together recently) but that he'll listen to me reading or take turns reading together.

I think the benefits of quiet uninterrupted time together go beyond the benefits of reading, which are huge in themselves.

lyralalala · 28/01/2020 22:52

Reading is such a lovely bonding time. Don’t give it up until your child wants.

I love reading to my younger children. My elder kids don’t like to read together anymore. Occasionally DS1 will now read the same book as me and we’ll share comments about it. DD1 and DD2 are st the stage where I cannot possibly understand their books because they are young and hip and I’m ancient...

Brookeborn · 28/01/2020 22:53

All storytelling is wonderful. I think in our culture we - and as a result, our youth have been blinded by technology on this one. I enjoy reading to my daughter as much as I hope she enjoys listening. Think about life here 100 years ago. Think about the evolution of the 'story', cultures in other countries where this is still the evening's entertainment. We have lost our way with the bonds of this tradition I think. Please keep doing it for as long as your child wishes for it. I still bore my husband with my paragraphs I have to share with somebody!

bert3400 · 28/01/2020 22:54

Please don't stop ...this is lovely . You're girlfriend sounds a bit batshit tbh

LilQueenie · 28/01/2020 22:54

dump her and leave her to question why.

mumtomaxwell · 28/01/2020 22:56

I’m currently reading Harry Potter with my 7 yo and have finally got to the end of the Divergent trilogy (we hated the 3rd book!) with my 11 yo. No one has asked me to stop and so I won’t! Even when they’ve really pissed me off during the whole shower/teeth bedtime routine I still read to them and it calms us all down. We all love it and your GF is being ridiculous

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